Do Not Feed the Editor

things from Klout: Lot18 credit for Superba coffee

2011-11-30T08:29:00.005-05:00

For my readers with hearts too gentle to venture into social media, this is Klout. It's unpleasant because it turns communication and sharing into a ranked game with no clear rules for winning, and it's kind of interesting because -- well, because even obscured rules are interesting, and because Klout has partnered with advertisers to give its members free stuff. Citizens of the Internet provably enjoy free stuff, and I'm no exception.

One of the genuinely cool things about Klout is that they have a forthright free-stuff disclosure policy. Members aren't obligated to talk about the samples & other perks they receive, but if they do, they're asked to disclose that they got it for free. Which is an important thing to do because the act of receiving a gift creates a bias.

So the thing is that I don't actually recommend signing up for Klout -- Schmutzie details a whole lot of good reasons why you shouldn't over here, including shady privacy issues and the aforementioned unpleasantness -- and I'm really only in it for the free stuff, and eventually, when my sense of morality outweighs my appreciation for free stuff, I'll quit. But I've discovered a few awesome products via Klout, and I wanted to share them with y'all. Here's one of them.

This one time Klout gave me a free $20 credit for Lot18, with which I ordered coffee from Superba. (That link to Lot18 is an affiliate link. If you go sign up through it and then buy something, I get credit there.)

I adore the roasty bitterness (erm, and caffeine high) of all coffees, and I'm unlikely to turn my nose up at any cuppa. But I do have a binary categorization system for coffee quality: I dilute & soften less-good coffees with milk and I drink tasty-unto-themselves coffees straight. The iteration of Superba's Classic Blend that I received falls into the latter category. Rich and dense, this coffee smells savory and tastes like wood and chocolate and citrus and caramel. When brewed in a drip cone it has a serious gravity to it, and would stand up to all sorts of heavy, sweet, holiday-spiced desserts -- linzertortes, apple pies, buttery cakes, gingerbread. It's a bit more delicate when brewed in a French press, but still heavier than the description on Superba's site indicates. And it's a kick in the head in the morning, which is generally what I'm looking for.

Superba roasts and packs its coffees when you order them and sells only whole beans, which is pretty much the best way to treat coffee -- after a couple weeks, roasted beans begin to go stale, and grinding them expedites the process exponentially. (All pre-roasted & pre-ground coffees go into my add-milk category. And while we're talking coffee snobbery: Get yourself a drip cone & some filters or a French press. Using either will improve even the cheapest coffee over using an electric coffee machine.) The company is based in L.A. and claims to source its beans responsibly. Their coffees retail for $12 to $16 per 12-oz. package (which is what good coffee costs), plus $7.95 flat-rate FedEx shipping. For the record, my standard of tasty coffee is Counter Culture.

Most of what Lot18 offers is wine & schmancy things that're out of my price range, and since my qualifications for 'good' wine are a) Is it less than $12? and b) Is it dry?, Lot18 isn't really the best service for me. And at honesty o'clock, I have to admit that I find the site's voice pretentious and their default email setting (2-3 per day) complete overkill. But I can see it being a nifty thing for someone with more cash & feelings about wine than I have. In case you're interested in trying Lot18 out, Klout is offering the first 5 people who use this link a free $20 credit there. I'm not sure whether you'll have to sign up for Klout to get the credit, but there you go. Lot18 offers free shipping deals regularly, so make the most of your credit by watching for those.

while I was out

2011-11-27T01:33:00.005-05:00

Ohai. This blog still exists.

My editing gig at How Stuff Works has been kicking my ass -- mostly all in ways that I love -- and between that, freelance editing, and general laziness, I haven't had much motivation to actually use this blog in the past, what, six months? I haven't even been writing on paper. It's seemed too much like work.

Which is really just an entirely lame point of view to embrace. Creation is work, but it's fabulous work. It's the kind of work that makes this whole silly Universe a worthwhile place to hang out in. So ohai, readers. Here are a few things that I've been working on while I was out:

Articles on sundry things, such as How Megalodon Worked, How a Supernova Works, and How Coffins Work among many others. I get to learn about new things every week and source bizarre images and do grammar every day and work with ridiculously intelligent people, and when it's not overwhelming it's the most fun I've had at a day job.

Christopher Buecheler's sequel to The Blood That Bonds, Blood Hunt. And bits from the third book in the trilogy, The Children of the Sun, which I am studiously not linking because all of the parts of the Internet that pertain to it involve spoilers for the first two books. I do recommend editing nonfiction by day and a vampire novel during your off hours, should you happen to have the editing skills and sense of masochism for it. It blends realities in ways that'll make you research historical details for the novel and expect exciting fight scenes in the nonfiction, and probably improve both ventures in the end.

Creative assistance and moral support for a couple of live-action role-playing games (LARPs) that some dear friends run in the Atlanta area, Legynds and Second Dawn. Which is partially unavoidable given that I'm dating one of the owners, and is partially self-prescribed therapy for my wacky anxiety. Which is another thing I recommend -- erm, the self-prescribed LARP therapy, not the anxiety. It's a relatively safe environment in which to experiment with social interaction and performance: Most everyone there will be just as awkward as you or at least sympathetic. And some of them will be dressed as orcs.

And this is not a thing I've been working on, but because I like posting pictures:

More stuff about things later -- but in fewer than six months this time, I promise.

so much editing it makes my face hurt

2011-05-17T00:43:00.003-04:00

I got that job that I mentioned interviewing for in my last post! It is with HowStuffWorks, and it entails editing all the things. Which is brilliant, really -- I'd forgotten how much I missed editing full-time, and how fun a form of overwhelmed it is to face deadlines that overlap like verses sung in rounds while trying to learn several hundred nitpicky style rules.

Of course, I also started working on Blood Hunt, the sequel to The Blood That Bonds, for Chris Buecheler the week that I got the job, so I really have been editing all the things. Hence the lack of posts -- I've felt like my time hasn't really been my own lately, and I'm only going to get more intense about that over the next couple weeks while I finish my second run through the book.

In support, feel free to fax me British tea, European chocolate, and the good sense to not have three cups of mead at the Georgia Ren Fest and make large costume purchases based on the fabric texture of a bodice that may or may not be strictly appropriate for my body type.

Fax me the latter retroactively, if you would, so I'll have it in time for last weekend.

Or just take me to Doctor Bombay's Underwater Tea Party for high tea, because I am fueled almost entirely by sugar, caffeine, and eccentricity these days and they serve spreads like this:

Which is pretty much my own personal constructive insanity jackpot.

full of meat pies and radical life changes

2011-04-09T14:07:00.005-04:00

So! I have had a few exciting weeks. I got a shiny new iPhone, vacationed out of the country (for the first time ever) in England, got laid off, had my home broken into, and had a rockin' job interview.

Those last two things happened in the past 24 hours. I kinda want whiskey right now.*

While I work towards that: Here, have some pictures of some things I saw on my UK vacation:

The supermoon! And a li'l bit of Reading, Berkshire, which is where we were staying. It's maybe 30 minutes west of London via train.

Reading seemed to be composed mostly of malls, but it also had a lot of old churches (this is St James's church), a 12th-century abbey, a large park/walking garden, and a fuckoff statue of a lion. Like y'do in England.

You can see a corner of the aforementioned abbey around the bend of the path here. It was closed to visitors 'cause apparently they're having a hard time convincing its stones to not drop perilously close to people's heads at the moment.

One of my favorite things in the park in Reading was this black mulberry tree that was so old and hunched that the keepers had put large cut branches under some of its limbs to hold it up. From a distance, it looked like it was rearin' to crawl straight into a Tim Burton flick. From up close, it looked like an octopus tree.

One day after a ridiculously huge and inexpensive English pub breakfast, we wandered into the middle of the Reading Half Marathon -- this is the second wave of runners around minute 33 of the race, coming through the old town center. The clock tower in the background is the town hall.

There's a bunch more pictures up on my Flickr -- I'll maybe do another post of things I saw in London and Oxford later on, and I'll definitely do a UK food post if I manage to collect my thoughts before I forget them. (I ate 4 meat pies in 5 days, and it was magical.)

Oh, and all of the square-shaped photos here were edited with Instagram (username: grammarmonkey). If you have an iPhone and have been living under the same social-media-lacking rock as my wonderful boyfriend, you should check the app out.

And hey, if you know of any editorial positions open in the greater Atlanta (or Intarweb) area, holla at grammarmonkey[at]gmail[dot]com! You will win my eternal gratitude and possibly some baked goods.

*I began writing this post on Wednesday, April 6th. I was interrupted by said whiskey, which, fear not, was mightily obtained.

recipe: homemade marshmallows

2011-03-21T17:41:00.004-04:00

Ever since I realized that it's within my power to make marshmallows, I, like a young god high on new-found might & processed sugar, have made a lot of marshmallows. I'm still experimenting with flavors but I've got the technique pretty well down, so I figured I'd share.

What follows is the base recipe. It's kinda long because a) I talk a lot and b) sugar is terrifying so I wanted to explain myself superextra clearly. To minimize v-scroll here, I'll do a followup post in a couple days with some notes on flavorings.

Homemade Marshmallows
Adapted from Alton Brown. You can watch the 'Puff the Magic Mallow' episode of Good Eats to see the general process, but I actually don't recommend following all of his instructions from that episode.
Makes ~24 1.5-inch marshmallows or ~32 1-inch marshmallows

INGREDIENTS

1 package gelatin
1/6 cup cold water

1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup light corn syrup
1/6 cup water
Pinch salt

1/3 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup powdered sugar

~1/2 tbsp butter or oil or etc. for greasing

EQUIPMENT

Stand mixer with whisk attachment
2 spatulas (preferably 1 stiff one for scraping and 1 large & softer one for pressing)
Medium saucepan
Bread pan
Fine-mesh sieve (you can also use a tea strainer with patience)
1 ramekin/small bowl
1 small (~1-cup) container with lid
Candy or probe thermometer
Timer

PREP

Working with sugar is scary because it requires both speed and caution. I like to prepare all of my ingredients & equipment before I start so's I won't forget something and end up with no place to put boiling edible napalm. So.

Prep the gelatin: Empty 1 packet of gelatin into a small bowl or ramekin. Add 1/6 cup of cold water (you can go over by a couple teaspoons), stir, and set aside to bloom (i.e., absorb the water and soften).

Prep the sugar: Add your sugar, corn syrup, salt, and 1/6 cup of water to a medium saucepan. You don't even need to stir it. Set aside.

Prep the powder coating: Measure your cornstarch and powdered sugar into a small bowl or resealable container. Stir to combine but don't worry about it being lumpy -- you'll be sifting it onto everything anyway. Set aside.

Prep the equipment: Grease everything. Grease the bowl of the mixer up to the rim. Grease the heads of 2 spatulas. Grease your bread pan up to the rim. If your cat likes to get all up in your fries while you're cooking, grease your cat. (It'll thank you later.) Use whatever fat and application method you like best -- I like peeling the paper back from the end of a stick of butter and rubbing it over the surface of the object to be greased, then using my fingers to apply the coat evenly and completely.

Okay.

METHOD

Set up your stand mixer so it's ready to go, and add the bloomed block of gelatin to the mixer bowl. Get out your candy or probe thermometer.

Next you're gonna cook the sugar mixture to the soft ball stage (240 degrees F/120 C). Place your saucepan full'o'sugarstuff over medium heat, swirling the pan occasionally to ensure even heating. (Because sugar likes being in a crystal state, you generally don't want to agitate sugar mixtures by stirring them -- if you stir, it'll be more likely for a rogue sugar crystal to become the nucleation center of crystallization and make the mixture go grainy. Corn syrup, being syrupy & therefore a stabilizer, helps prevent that, and that's why candy recipes call for it.) When the sugar starts to bubble, place your thermometer of choice in the pan and swirl the mixture continually until the sugar reaches 240 degrees F (120 C). Immediately take the pan off the heat. Turn your stand mixer on its lowest setting, and slowly (carefully, respectfully) pour the sugar syrup down the side of the mixer bowl towards the bottom. The goal here is to keep the syrup moving without risking it hitting the whisk and splattering you. That would be bad.

Once all/most of the syrup is in the mixer (a little syrup loss is totally acceptable), crank the mixer up through its settings until it's going full-tilt. Set a timer for 15 minutes.

While the mixer's doing its thang, prepare your bread pan: Put a tablespoon or two of your powder mixture in the fine-mesh sieve and tap a good, thick layer of powder into the bottom of the pan, and a finer coating up along the sides. Unlike buttering & flouring a pan for baking, you don't want to tap the edges of the pan to move the powder around -- it'll clump and stick. Just sift it in there and set the pan aside until the timer goes off.

When the timer goes off, peer into your mixer bowl and take note of the texture of the batter -- it'll be sticky and stringy as the whisk moves through it. Measure out your vanilla extract, turn the mixer speed down to low, and pour in the vanilla. Give it a few seconds to incorporate, then turn the mixer speed back up to high for ~1 minute, or until the 'mallow batter reaches about the same stringy consistency that it had before you added the vanilla.

Time to get the marshmallow batter into the pan. You'll have to work very quickly because the batter will become stiff and difficult to remove from the mixer's bowl in less than a minute. Put your greased spatulas within reach and turn off the mixer. Clean off the mixer's whisk first, using one spatula to gather batter and the second to scrape the batter off the first spatula and into the mixing bowl (or straight into the waiting bread pan, whichever's easier depending on your mixer setup). Using the same gather/scrape method, firmly scrape the rest of the batter out of the mixing bowl and into the pan. You can just kinda glop it in there -- the important thing is getting as much as possible out of the bowl before it sets.

Once you've got all the batter you're gonna get in the pan, use your spatulas to press the batter down into the pan evenly, pushing it into the corners and flattening it out. You should still be working kinda quickly, but this part is much more forgiving. Don't be afraid to press down pretty firmly. If any unaesthetic ridges or stringy trails form along the surface, just run your hands under the faucet, flick off the excess water, and gently smooth the batter out with your damp fingertips.

When you're satisfied with your 'mallow loaf, set the pan somewhere where it won't be disturbed for ~4 hours (or up to overnight). You can tent it very loosely with tin foil or a paper towel if you're afraid of things (dust, kids, dogs, etc.) getting into it, but you really want the loaf to be able to breathe and dry out, so don't cover it completely.

(Cleaning up after this step won't be as terrifying as it seems 'cause marshmallow goo, while tough to wrangle out of a bowl and into a pan, is easy to wash up. It's made entirely of things that dissolve in water. Yay science!)

Once the loaf has rested for 4+ hours, get out a cutting board and sift a good layer of your powder mix on its surface. Sift a layer of the powder on top of the 'mallow loaf, too, then turn the loaf out onto the cutting board. Cut the loaf into 3 or 4 strips lengthwise, dust the whole thing with more powder, and dip the cut edges of the strips into the powder on the board. Then push the strips back together into loaf form and cut the strips widthwise into squares (or rectangles, rhombuses, or other quadrilaterals; no one will care if the delicious homemade marshmallows you give them are kinda misshapen). Dust the whole thing with yet more powder.

Pull one of the marshmallows away from the rest, dip each cut side in the powder on the board, and then dust the excess powder off with your fingers, taking special care to make sure that there's no buildups of powder stuck in the marshmallow's crags and crevices (that would not be delicious, and can get gross and grainy if you let it sit).* Toss the finished marshmallow back into a large plastic bag (don't cramp your 'mallows). Repeat with each of the marshmallows.

*Boyfriend's hack for this step, which works nearly as well and takes like three seconds rather than 15 minutes: Pull a couple handfuls of well-powdered marshmallows apart from each other and toss them in a colander, then, over your sink, shake and toss the marshmallows to coat with powder.

You can store the marshmallows for up to a month in a sealed plastic bag or other airtight container -- they might get a bit stale around the edges after the first couple weeks, but will still be delicious, especially when roasted over fire/melted in cocoa.

non-cookie news also curated here

2011-03-12T13:48:00.004-05:00

My senior year of high school, I was the editor of the yearbook (durr) and I had a few friends in Drama Club, so I spent a good bit of time photographing rehearsals & general backstage poppycock. That year, one Jonathan Lovitz was starring as Seymour in our school's production of Little Shop of Horrors. He was scrawny and sweet but had this crazyhuge stage presence. I'm glad to see that he's still making himself heard:

I love that Jonathan's story is spreading (you can read a further statement from Jonathan on 365gay.com, get an international perspective in the comments of this PinkNews.co.uk piece, or see the Village Voice's reaction [erm, and Jon's abs]), because this is an important sort of thing to have people talking and thinking about. Part of the conversation I've heard was a counterpoint from another friend of mine from high school, the ever sharp Adam Lane:

"Jon: forgive me if I sound like a skeptic, but was the trial somehow related to your sexual identity? I could understand your position if it was, say, a civil-rights trial, or if a criminal defendant was openly gay and you sympathized too strongly with him or her. Otherwise, I'm not sure I see the connection.

By way of personal example, I was in a jury pool a few years ago (probably the same court--this was before I left NYC), and was dismissed during voir dire because the criminal defendant was charged with a drug-trafficking offense in my neighborhood. I told the judge that I would be unable to be impartial, first because the defendant was allegedly dealing very close to where I lived, and second (and more importantly) because I strongly believe that our narcotics laws are unjust. While I actually would have liked to have served on the jury, I recognized that advancing my own social agenda was inappropriate behavior as a juror.

I believe you when you say that you were not trying to shirk your civic duty. I suppose my ultimate concern with the position you've taken--and this is only if, indeed, the trial was unrelated to the protected class to which you belong--is that, much like voting, serving on a jury is as much of a right as it is a responsibility. As with voting, serving on a jury gives a person a voice in the civic dialogue. By removing yourself from that dialogue, you may in effect be adding to your own oppression."

Guys, I mostly write about cookies. I'm not going to attempt to debate the finer points of this conversation. But hooray for conversation. I hope that people will continue to find ways of instigating it, publicly and peacefully and intelligently. (And please, add your ideas in the comments or on your own webspace of choice if you're more debately inclined than I.)

In completely separate news, just in case you haven't heard elsewhere: You can text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the American Red Cross, which is helping provide relief to the survivors of the earthquake in Japan. For an alternative to the Red Cross, you can send a donation to GlobalGiving.org. And if you're concerned about a loved one in Japan who you haven't been able to get in touch with, check the Consulate-General of Japan in Atlanta's excellent page of emergency contacts.

breakfast: the most important meal of the day at any o'clock

2011-02-20T22:39:00.005-05:00

Haven't been brunching much lately, but I finally got out to try Rosebud's brunch offerings [which happen on Saturdays (and apparently Fridays, and Monday nights) as well as Sundays, which is delightful because I simply cannot be buggered to go farther than my couch on Sunday mornings]. My ladyfriends & I shared a plate of sweet corn mini-muffins as a starter, which were a bit on the crumbly side but still tender and moist with a nice crisped edge, the perfect vehicle for the whipped butter and rich peach preserves they were served with. The bar was out of one of the housemade components for the brunch cocktail I'd had my eye on, The AT&T (apricot- & thyme-infused gin and tonic), so I ordered a Gingham (gin, lemon juice, and a touch of housemade grenadine, topped off with cava & a strip of lemon peel and served in a champagne flute) instead, which was crisp and sunny, just the thing for brunch.

For my main dish, I had an openface, house-cured salmon sandwich on Holeman & Finch pumpernickel, topped with citrus-fennel slaw, a fried egg, and a drizzle of horseradish aioli. It was a serious, heavy dish in a bright, Springy way, with good herbal punch from the pumpernickel and slaw. The salmon was a bit thick-cut and therefore slightly chewy for my tastes in places, but the rest of the textures were perfect -- airy bread, crunchy cabbage, and melt-in-your-mouth over-medium egg.

I also tasted my friends' mains -- the pastrylike & sticky, sweet-tart "not your momma's french toast", stuffed with Nutella and topped with pineapple compote; a side of creamy baked/herbed/fried potatoes; and the aptly named Nasty Royale breakfast sandwich, which consisted of salty Berkshire ham, melty slices of brie, and savory-sweet truffled egg omelet with truffle honey mustard on a thick, soft baguette, and which gave me the same happy-filthy feeling I get from watching The Tudors. A certain @tracyvwilson snapped a picture of it. (And hey, Internets, @amypage says hi!)

All of the portions were generous-bordering-on-huge, and the staff was unfailingly polite. I'll definitely come back for brunch again -- maybe even early enough to catch the Morningside Farmers Market next time, or at least with a grocery list for Alon's.

In other breakfast food news, I finally tried one of Atlanta Fresh's Greek-style yogurts -- the 2% vanilla & caramel flavor. It was dessertlike, rich and thick and creamy, with just a touch of roasty caramel sweetness to compliment the yogurt's tang. The 6-ounce cup had only 3 grams of fat (0 saturated) and a nice 15 grams of protein, but 26 grams of sugar, which is a lot for me. I can't justify paying $2.50 to $3.00 for a single serving of yogurt on any kind of frequent basis (even in support of fab local producers), but it'll make a terrific sometimes-treat. I found mine at the Whole Foods on Pleasant Hill, but they're available all over Atlanta.

I also tried a couple Kalona SuperNatural yogurts this past week -- the 2% strawberry and vanilla flavors, both with cream tops (which are my favorite things for yogurt to have). The texture of the strawberry yogurt was off to me, sort of broken/lumpy/gooey, but the tart & tangy flavor was nice. I liked the vanilla much more overall -- the cream top was intact, the vanilla flavor was strong, and the texture was smooth. With 2.5 grams of fat (1.5 saturated), a minuscule 6 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein per each 6 oz. cup, I felt good about eating these (and adding granola). I found them at the Fresh Market on Roswell.

things my authors send me: headwear edition

2011-02-14T13:01:00.002-05:00

Receiving a package in the mail always makes my day. Receiving physical proof of a friend's labor, determination, and talent makes pretty much the best day ever.

That's a 3-dimensional copy of The Blood That Bonds by Christopher Buecheler that I'm holding there, because it exists in 3 dimensions now. You may remember that this is a vampirical, romantical horror novel that I helped copy edit in the wayback. You can still download the entire book for free in a variety of formats, but if you're into books having mass, volume, and that particular papery/gluey/inky scent, you can get yourself a version with all of those qualities for $13.99 plus shipping from CreateSpace, Amazon, or direct from Christopher himself. It's really nicely printed, on thick, 6" by 9" pages, and my name is in it, so if my grandmother ever visits you you'll have a surefire way to impress her.

I also received a package recently from Adam P. Knave and Laszlo Xalieri, the contents of which were 100% more lobster themed than what Christopher sent:

Though, to be fair, the contents of either package make a perfectly fine hat.

And hey, happy Valentine's Day, friends! I less-than-three you.

re: your brains (Zombiesque!)

2011-02-09T10:12:00.005-05:00

My dear, bebearded friend Laszlo Xalieri, who formerly guest-starred in this textual/pixelated adventure of mine as a lecturer at the Atlanta Zombie Symposium, has a story in a newly published book of short fictions written from zombies' points of view.

It's called Zombiesque, and it's available on Amazon for only $7.99, and you need something new to read. (You always need something new to read. No matter how many unread books you already have cluttering your bookshelves/other horizontal home surface areas. Don't argue, you'll risk giving me a catastrophic paradigm shift proportionate to the number of pages in all of my unread books combined.)

consumerism wow: the further misadventures of Mitty Matt

2011-01-26T18:54:00.005-05:00

In a completely failed attempt to do a double-super Consumerism WOW holidextravaganza, Adam and I have posted dual (dueling?) January episodes! The followup to my post ~~has been up for a whole week and I'm a bad consumer-friend~~ is up on Adam's blog! Here's a preview:

Thing #1

Lauren: You are teaching your cat to speak and read English with help from a kitty that she’ll identify with! ….Adam, this is a very bad idea.

Adam: No, it’s a great idea! Then she can stop just mindlessly whining and actually communicate her wants and needs and… all right perhaps this will end badly. But I must try. For science!

Thing #3

Lauren: Is – is this why you’re teaching your cat how to read? You did not tell me that kitty had to get an eye patch.

Adam: Kitty does not need an eye patch, I would never let my cat be harmed like that! No this is for, uhm, my good friend… Mitty. Mitty Matt. He, uhm, was walking around, pacing really, while I was doing experiments and now he needs an eye patch. Mitty Matt. Who already speaks English and can read because he is human and not a cat.

Click through to Adam's blog to read the rest! I can very nearly promise that no cats were harmed in the writing of this episode. It's likely that at least one was severely annoyed, and that a dog who was raised in the wild by cats felt slightly neglected for having not been mentioned again, but c'est la vie d'un chien instruit dans le sauvage par des chats. (I got that translation from babelfish. I don't know any French that isn't food & cooking vocabulary. I hope I haven't just inadvertently called anyone's grandmother a transitive sausage or something.)

And hey, the book featured as Thing #1 is no longer available in print, but it's being offered as a digital download for only 2 American dollars! Friends, this is the future of the publishing industry we're looking at right here.

foodpr0n: homemade cocoa marshmallows

2011-01-15T11:24:00.000-05:00

The first thing you learn when you make marshmallows from scratch is that Ghostbusters was lying to you. That is not how marshmallow goop behaves. (They used shaving cream.) Actual marshmallow goop is far more insidious, more inexorable, more sticky than the deceptively benign horrors that our comedic but intrepid heroes faced back in 1984.

That said, the payoff of working with marshmallow goop is well worth the effort:

I'd be posting a recipe right now, but at this point I'd just be plagiarizing Alton Brown's excellent instructions. I'll get back to you later, once I've had the chance to perfect a few wacky flavors.

These cocoa marshmallows were made exactly according to Alton's recipe, except I only made 1/3rd of the recipe (which fit perfectly in a bread pan) and added 1 tablespoon of cocoa powder to the 'mallow batter in addition to the vanilla (having turned the beater speed down first and up again afterwards to prevent splatter), plus another 2 teaspoons of cocoa powder to the cornstarch/powdered sugar coating mixture.

Of course, s'mores had to happen immediately.

The only potential downside here is that now I want to make marshmallows in all the flavors. Like banana, and espresso, and Nutella, and whiskey, and caramel, and chai, and Earl Grey. It'll be the tastiest pain in the ass there ever has been.

consumerism WOW: post-holiday patterns of villainy

2011-01-09T15:50:00.007-05:00

SO. As I began the process of publishing this episode of Consumerism WOW (in which the gig is this: I provide a list of shiny things, Adam P. Knave guesses why I want them, and I tell you why he's wrong), it came to my attention that many of you failed to procure holiday gifts for me. An unintentional oversight or postal mishap, I am sure! Whatever your reason, excuse, "legally" binding contract, or commitment to The Sleeping Elder Gods of the Deep that has prevented you from giving me something, I forgive you. Perhaps you were merely wanting for a gift idea! Here's 10, slackers. My birthday is May 29th. Perhaps you can get it together before then, hmm?**

Thing #1

Adam: This is a secret warning to people who want to bring you food that, in actuality, you eat tiny bits throughout the day. NOM. NOM. NOM.

Lauren: Well, that's true! And very much exactly how hypoglycemia works. But mostly I just want one of the smaller notebooks because, despite having a blog and a job on the Intarwebs, I'm better at thinking on paper than I am on a keyboard.

Thing #2

Adam: Ahh I see someone made a graphical representation of your dream journal, Lauren! How did you convince them to do that?

Lauren: I had the anthropomorphic dream cupcakes send the artist a fax! Durr. Did you not realize that cakefax goes both ways?

Thing #3

Adam: You want to lay this out and then tell people "Oh no, it's just sugar. For your coffee," and then sit and snicker as they find out it is le spicy.

Lauren: I would never do that to coffee! But Adam, I'm running out of ways to shock people with my baked goods. They're used to me putting meat in cookies already. I need to step up my game. (Also, I would totally do that to chai or hot cocoa.)

Thing #4

Adam: Whenever you open a hoodie. Wherever you need to get in a bag. Each time you unzip your pants. They'll be there. Tiny donuts. And you can tug at them, to ease your pain of not having real donuts to eat.

Lauren: That is also exactly how hypoglycemia works. (C'mon, they're such cute donuts! And one of them is sad 'cause he got ate! And the artist, Heidi Kenney, is fantabulous!)

Thing #5

Adam: Uhm, I hate to be the one to tell you, but not only will this not do anything to keep the rain off, but if you use it in sunlight to protect your oh-so-dear-lord-get-some-sun skin you'll just tan in a lacy pattern.

Lauren: I don't tan, I burn and then peel to white. But I suppose I wouldn't want to burn in a lacy patter, either. I appreciate your advice, and promise I'll only use it as a sunblock on cloudy days. (Though mostly, I want it as a defensive weapon and skeletal accessory.)

Thing #6

Adam: We need no reason or excuse for booze. Carry on.

Lauren: I should hope not! Especially for excellent, smokey-leathery scotch-whisky-esque reposado mezcal tequila.

Thing #7

Adam: This is for your crime fighting career as "The Perfume-agator" isn't it? Throwing bombs made of the stuff to mark and later hunt down criminals. Your secret is safe with us, Lauren!

Lauren: That would be the worst plan ever! I would track down the bad guys and they'd smell so nice that I'd just nuzzle them. I would-- be every conflicted, sexually tense superhero ever written. No, I just want to dab a little bit of each of these scents on myself and find The One that makes me smell like sexy cookies served with whiskey-laced tea (Earl Grey, hot).

Thing #8

Adam: Is… is that Hello Kitty's skull? What have you done with Hello Kitty? Hello? Kitty?

Lauren: Not Hello Kitty! It's a calavera -- a skeleton that's excited to be a skeleton 'cause the prevailing cultural belief system of its (previously inclusive) people celebrates and honors it! ....But you can't say that Kitty ~~didn't~~ wouldn't have it coming.

Thing #9

Adam: I'll be honest here, kid, I thought this was made of roe at first and wondered why you wanted to wear eggs. And then it kinda made sense. But that isn't what this is at all and now I wonder why it isn't an egg bracelet.

Lauren: Roe doesn't have the structural integrity to form a bracelet, Adam, that's why. ....Unless maybe you find a way to magnetize them, like organic, squishy Bucky Balls.

Thing #10

Adam: Do you really think that if you smack people hard enough with this that you can leave fun patterns on them? Really?

Lauren: Well I mostly just wanted to leave fun patterns in shortbread cookies which I could then mail to people like you, but y'know, that's a much better idea. I shall be a supervillain with lace-pattered sunburns and shortbread-patterned victims, and the world shall tremble before my fearsome patterns of destruction!

Until next time, my dear consumers! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA~~cough~~!

**Taking a quick step back (up? diagonally?) from Consumerism WOW, I just wanted to put in that while I covet many, many commercially available products, the best, most favorite gifts I've received have been handmade by friends & family. No one ever needs to give me stuff. Certainly, no one ever needs to buy me stuff. (But if you're gonna, I would earnestly appreciate owning any of the things I mention in any Consumerism WOW episode.)

good tidings of comfort and few-to-no molten sugar burns

2011-01-02T01:53:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year, faithful readers! I hope it's treated you well so far. (It treated me to a mini-marathon of Bones [can I register to receive one of each of the Deschanel sisters as a late Christmas present? theyaresocute], not entirely losing at Halo, and eating wonderful holiday treats from wonderful friends plus pork chops & sauerkraut and kale and roasted root vegetables cooked by an also-wonderful dreamthrum. I will gladly take a whole year of these sorts of small delights.)

If you're like me in that you're not quite ready to give up holiday foods yet, check out CurvyGirlGuide's collection of go-to holiday dishes -- they featured a few of mine!

I'm hoping to have some new ones to share with you soon. Things I've made in the recent past that I'm looking forward to refining in the near future include baklava and peanut butter cookies. If you've got any secrets to either of these, let me know! I will give you shoutouts & lurve.

And in further culinary adventures, tomorrow I'm gonna try making marshmallows! Wish me luck & few-to-no burns from molten sugar, and I'll let you know how it goes. But first, sleep, a quick run out for graham crackers and Hershey's bars, and the building of the sort of fire that will produce good hot coals. In that order, yes.

recipe: linzertorte

2010-12-24T00:51:00.005-05:00

Some facts about the linzertorte: 1) It is basically an almondy cookie cake. 2) It is filled with raspberry jam. 3) It is spiced to taste like Christmas. 4) The amount of effort it takes to make < the amount of impressed your friends & family will be.

By "facts" I might've meant "reasons why linzertortes are a holiday tradition in my family". Here is one additional reason:

I never feel like it's really the holidays until I've made one of these. It's the perfect thing to take to parties, and can safely be made a day or two ahead (fact 5: it's tastier after a day or so) and/or in steps, as your schedule allows.

Linzertorte
Adapted from The Joy of Cooking, Not Derby Pie, and The Joy of Baking.
Serves ~12 (it's very rich, so small wedges will do)

INGREDIENTS

1 1/4 c. all-purpose flour (If you like/have white-whole-wheat, 1/2 c. of that plus 3/4 c. all purpose also works)
1 c. almond flour (or fine-ground blanched [skinless] almonds)
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp lemon or orange zest (1 lemon or ≥1/2 orange worth)

2/3 c. white granulated sugar
3/4 c. (1.5 sticks) butter
2 egg yolks

1 1/4 c. (~1 jar, ~10 oz.) tasty raspberry preserves
2 tbsp fresh-squeezed lemon or orange juice

METHOD

Add your dry ingredients into a medium bowl (you can zest the citrus straight into the bowl to capture all the good zesty oils) and whisk to combine.

In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar for ~3 minutes, until they've lightened in color and texture. Beat in the egg yolks for ~1 minute until well incorporated. Stir in the dry ingredients, 1/3rd-ish at a time, until well combined.

Divide the mixture into 2 parts, one a bit larger than the other -- about 60%/40%. Ball & smush one part in your hands until it's happy (read: non-crumbly) enough to stay in ball form, then flatten it slightly into more of a disc. Do the same for the other! Wrap each disc separately in plastic/foil/a sandwich bag and pop them both in the fridge. They need to chill for 30 minutes at the very least, and preferably at least an hour. They will not be harmed by hanging out in there for a whole day, in fact, if you find that you've got Other Things To Do.

When the dough is chilled and you're ready to bake, butter & flour a 9-inch springform. (A cake or tart pan would also work, provided it's at least 2 inches deep.) Prepare to roll your dough out: sprinkle some flour on a large surface (I like sticking a piece of wax or parchment paper to the counter with a few drops of water and rolling on that for ease of turning the dough and moving it into the pan, but your mileage may vary if you can't get the paper to stick), get some flour on your clothes/face/hair, rub your rolling pin down with some flour, panic.

Next, stop panicking. This is not pie crust, this is cookie crust. It's really forgiving. Take out the larger piece of dough and roll it out into a big, evenly thick, mostly circular shape that's ~1-2 inches larger in diameter than your pan. A few cracks around the edges are okay -- just pinch them back together. Drape the dough down into the pan as centeredly as possible and press the bottom down and the sides up. The sides need to be 1/2 to 1 inch high -- just high enough to hold your jam. You can smoosh the dough around, breaking chunks off where there's too much and adding them where it's sparse -- like I said, not a pie crust.

This is a good time to preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

Measure out your jam into a small bowl and mix in your citrus juice, then pour/spread the mixture evenly into the crust.

Take the second half of the crust out of the fridge and roll it out into an oval that's about as wide as your pan the short way across -- it'll be a bit thinner than the bottom crust was. With a large, flour-dusted knife, slice it width-wise into strips 1/2 inch wide.

Now, if you're very motivated you could lattice the strips properly across the top of the jam-filled crust, but what I do is just lay one set of strips down across the top, 1/2 inch apart and parallel to each other, and then lay a second set down perpendicular to and right across the top of the first set. It'll still look plenty pretty. If you do it my way, I think it's helpful to start in the middle with the longest pieces and move towards the edges with shorter pieces.

Either way, you're going to want to press the ends of each strip down into the edge of the crust. Trim off any extra lengths and smoosh them down into any gaps between the strips, and use any leftover dough to further even out the rim of the crust. I like rolling the excess dough into snakes and using strips & bits of those to fill in the gaps.

I brushed an egg wash onto the linzertorte pictured (beat 1 egg with a fork and then use a pastry brush to spread a thin layer over the crust), but it's not necessary. Iiii actually think it's prettier without it.

Pop the torte in the oven and bake for 40 minutes, or until it smells lovely and the crust is golden brown and pulling away from the edges on the pan. It'll be crumbly & sorta dry when it's warm and will get better the longer you let it sit, so try to let it cool completely before serving -- it might take a couple hours. You can decorate it with a bit of powdered sugar (put a tablespoon or two in a fine mesh sieve and tap the edge while holding it over the torte to sprinkle it on) if you like. The torte will be even nicer the next day, once the jam has had a chance to seep into the crust a little and all the flavors have really melded, so I recommend baking it a day ahead if you have time, or saving a slice for breakfast if you don't. Just seal it up in airtight containers and finish it within a week or so if there happens to be any leftover.

bathy congratulations!

2010-12-22T14:03:00.004-05:00

Real quick, and with many thanks to humankind for working out how to put wifi on airplanes so that we wired kids never have to be far from our Internet surfboards:

Congratulations to WendyLady, the winner of my contest for a bathy gift from The Happy Manatee!

Thanks to everyone who dropped by and entered -- hopefully I'll be able to post another contest soonly. In the meanwhile, did you know that The Amazing Screw-On Head is the best short film/comic book thing ever created? Because it is! And if you disagree, then pardon me if I say "Poppycock".

review: The Happy Manatee bath products

2010-12-12T21:12:00.002-05:00

Facebook is perhaps not entirely a social time machine of evil. It occasionally reconnects you, not like a disgruntled switchboard operator hoping to break all the phone jacks but rather like a gentle breeze returning a fallen leaf to the cradling branches of its tree, to good people. Like, for example, my friend Breena, who once drove from Tallahassee to Gainesville to pick me up for hangouts because I didn't have a car in college, and didn't even hate me when my grown-ass ass had to ask for instructions on how to pump/pay for gas.

Breena and her husband recently started up a line of bath & beauty products out of South Florida under the name The Happy Manatee, and since I like soap and they like me, they sent me a bunch of samples to try out. I'm perhaps obviously biased, what with the owner being a friend of mine and having received free samples, but what follows are my honest, objective-as-possible opinions about the products I tried.

Gingerbread Salt Scrub [$7.99 for a huge tub]
I'm a) wary of scrubs and b) in love with this stuff. The former is because my skin's pretty sensitive (read: acne prone, with a tendency to flake & fall off at the very thought of exfoliation & other preventional attempts), and the latter is because this scrub is blissfully massagey without being scratchy, with a lot of moisurizing oil and a comfortingly warm, very clovey ginger-cinnamon-spice scent that will last a couple hours on your skin if you don't wash it off. It'd be great for unwinding by yourself or with a showerfriend (nod-nod-wink-wink-say-no-more). Use it before you soap up for a little moisturization, or afterwards for a whole, whole lot. I'll get several applications out of this tub. My only gripe about this stuff is the snap-lid container, which becomes difficult to open when it's oily and wet, which is necessarily what happens in, say, a shower. It might be easier to use in a bath, or when the container has seen a bit of wear. They've also got a Peppermint Salt Scrub and a Coffee & Sugar Scrub.

Peppermint soap [$4.99 for an averagely bar-sized bar]
This soap smells lovely, like a meltaway peppermint candy with just a hint of vanilla. It foams up really creamily with lots of suds and practically no scent other than a touch of sweet cleanness when used with a loofah (the peppermint comes out more, like tea, when it's used directly), and the scent lingered on my skin for maybe half an hour after my shower. The soap is marbled red and white, with a sweet surprise of red glitter scattered sparingly throughout. When used all by its lonesome for test purposes, it did leave my skin a bit dry -- but that's mostly just my sensitive skin + dry winter weather. I'd absolutely recommend this as a body soap for people have sturdy skin or who don't mind moisturizing after a shower, or as a hand soap to everyone. They've also got 6 other scents & formulas that I'm not going to read about right now because I have a weakness for soap and currently own more than I'll use in a year.

Cocoa Body Lotion Bar [$4.99 for 2 1-inch-square bars, 1.5 ounces total]
In bar form, this solid lotion smells like -- well, like a piece of chocolate. Just from the cocoa butter it's made with, apparently! It comes wrapped like a chocolate, in pretty gold foil (which is a bit difficult to peel off when the bar is cold -- you might want to warm it in your hands for a minute or so before trying to remove the foil). Once it's settled into my skin it smells a bit less sweet and more musky/dusty/sexy, and the scent lasts a good couple hours but doesn't have very much throw, which I like in a lotion. It feels greasy until it soaks in, but that's how solid lotion bars go -- it's a very rich sort of moisturizer, best for when your skin really needs help. A little is quite enough to get along with, so even though the bar is only about an inch square, it'll last me awhile.

Mint Chocolate Body Butter [$9.99 for a 6-ounce tin]
This stuff smells and feels sinful. I'm honestly not big on lotions, but I keep coming back to this -- the texture is velvety, and it smells like Thin Mints. Like the Cocoa Body Lotion Bar, it's a bit greasy on your skin until it's had time to soak in, so give it a few minutes after application before you go putting on nice clothes. The mint fades and the chocolate amps on me after it's been on awhile, going more musky/dusty/sexy. I think it's got maybe a tiny bit more lasting power and throw than the Cocoa Bar, but not by a lot. Just thinking about it makes me want to go put some on. I apply lotion sparingly, and this tub will last me just about forever. They've also got 3 other body butter scents.

Baked Goods Candle [$10.99 for a big ol' Bell jar filled with candle]
When I first received it, this candle had an almost overwhelmingly strong bakey/cinnamony scent, but I left it to cure for a few weeks and it mellowed into something quite gentle and nice, like snickerdoodles (and this coming from a monkey who prefers subtle, cleaner, more boylike scents in candles). As it burns, it mostly just smells waxy -- you really only get the bakey scent by sniffing it directly, and when you blow it out -- which I consider a candle win. I haven't had it lit for very long, but it didn't smoke or sputter, and seemed to be slow burning. I'm looking forward to reaching the other layers to see what they smell like. And I love that it comes in a Bell jar -- makes it easy to minimize the scent when you're not using it. They've also got 10 other candle scents and 3 massage candles.

Cleopatra's Milk Bath [$5.99 for a 6-ounce tin]
My tablespoon-sized sample of this wasn't quite enough for a tubful of water (I suspect you'd need at least twice that much for a full bath), but it softened the water and gave off a gentle, cleanly pretty, soft citrus-rose scent. I used mine in the teabag it arrived in to mitigate potential flotsam (you might want to do the same if you don't like floaty bits in your bath), but the rose petals, lavender buds, and orange peel would probably be very pretty when used loose. It's just a tiny bit pinkish from the rose petals, which you shouldn't leave sitting in your tub, as they might leave a stain to be scrubbed. I'm curious to try using more!

Japanese Cherry Blossom Fizzie (currently only offered as part of gift sets [$14.99 for a bar of soap, 2 fizzies, and 2 lotion bars])
If the Milk Bath smells pretty, the Cherry Blossom Fizzie smells sexy. Possibly dirty-sexy. In an excellent if incongruous-to-bathing way. It's floral and musky, and I could swear that ylang-ylang is involved in it somehow. One li'l hemisphere was enough to just lightly scent my bath, but I'd probably use two next time 'cause I'm so enamored with the scent. The fizzie action was excellent and entertaining, not at all lackluster the way some bath fizzes can be, and it had just enough olive oil in it to make the bath moisturizing without the tub getting all slippery. The light pink color only barely affected the bathwater. They offer 3 other fizz scents in other gift boxes.

A Note on Packaging and Ingredients
Though the packaging isn't anything fancy, it's all very greenly minimal, mostly practical, and (best of all) mostly reusable. Though the ingredients aren't listed in full on the website at the moment, they're similarly minimal and practical, generally vegan and with no preservatives. I'm picky about what I put on my skin (see above re: sensitive and acne-prone), and I felt good about using everything I received. If you have any questions about their products, I'm sure The Happy Manatee staff would be glad to answer them. Or leave a comment here, and I'll get answers back to you as soon as I can!

And hey, as a thank-you to Breena for sending me things and to you for reading (or, y'know, scrolling) this far, I'm offering a contest! One lucky commenter will win a small gift box of their choice from The Happy Manatee! Just leave a comment with your email address and the name of the small ($14.99) gift box you fancy (for yourself or someone deserving of a good pampering), and one week from today, on Sunday, December 19th at 5:00pm, I'll randomly draw a winner to receive their desired gift. You must comment with your email & the name of a gift box to enter, but I'll give you an extra entry for linking to this post publicly on Twitter, Delicious, and/or Facebook, for a possible total of 4 entries! Just comment with a link to your tweet/delish/FB post so's I'll know you ~~aren't a dirty liar~~ did it. Good luck, and happy bathing!

Thanksgiving can also have tricks and treats

2010-11-25T02:05:00.007-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, American compatriots! If you're looking for something to do with that extra bag of cranberries you accidentally bought, I recommend sugaring them for a pretty table setting/delicious cranberry candy 2-hit combo.

My contribution to the dessert table this year will hypothetically be this Pear Butterscotch Pie from Epicurious. "Hypothetically" because it's in the oven right now, and it's looking a lot more like one of Mrs. Lovett's pies than the thing in Gourmet's picture, and we're out of tin foil so I can't tent the edges of the crust to prevent overbrowning. [Though really, if I manage to not set it on fire I'll be doing better than I have with Thanksgiving dishes in the past. (I apparently only bust out the en fuego accidental for special holiday occasions. It's the best hostess gift ever? It's thematically warm & stressful?)] Will let you know how it turns out!

In the meanwhile, a non-caloric holiday treat: a new episode of Consumerism WOW by Adam & me! Adam picked the things we talked about this month, including but not limited to this shirt design:

Thing #5

Lauren: Your dour demeanor so frequently belies your gleeful mood that you want to reassure people that on the inside, you are super excited about everything. OR you want to trick people into thinking that you’re super excited about everything so they’ll be off their guard for the unequivocal pants-kicking that you’re about to deliver them.

Adam: Well now that you explained about the pants-kicking my success rate at fooling people is going right in the toilet! And hey, I’m not dour, Lauren! I am inscrutably magi-cranky, thank you very much.

Visit Adam's blog to discover his nefarious consumer desires and learn some Science! He sure learned me about rainbows.

recipe: Not Quite Mom's German Apple Cake

2010-11-12T00:03:00.003-05:00

Halloween may have super-sneak-ninja attacked me this year, but I had Fall all figured out. The day that the scent of cinnamon brooms battered me at my first step into my local grocery store, I bought some Granny Smith apples, went home, and apropos of no greater occasion than the season made this version of my mom's German apple cake.

If you wanted to be proper about it, you'd use all white flour and all white sugar in this cake to achieve the sweetest richness, and you'd slice the apples thin-thin-thin for galette-style decoration and chewy caramelization. My modifications yield an earthier, more everyday cake for those of us who don't own a mandolin and have come to comfortable terms with the fact that we'll wind up eating leftover cake for breakfast, and will feel better about it if there's a bit of whole wheat flour involved.

Dense and buttery with a bright, tart kick from the apples and a warming touch of cinnamon, this cake is Fall comfort. Unmodify it for a fancy party treat, or try my relaxed version for a laid-back, party-optional sort of thing.

Not Quite Mom's German Apple Cake
Serves 8-12 people.

INGREDIENTS

3 granny smith apples
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 cup sugar
half a lemon, de-seeded as best as possible

2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

2/3 cup white granulated sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract (or 1/2 vanilla bean, scraped)
2 tbsp bourbon, if you've got it

METHOD

Peel & core your apples, slice them into wedges, and chop the wedges into roughly equal-sized chunks. As you go, place the resulting applebits in a medium bowl, tossing them with a squeeze of lemon juice to prevent browning each time you add a batch. Once all 3 apples are chopped, add the cinnamon & sugar and toss/stir/muss about with your hands to coat the apples. Set aside to macerate (i.e., soak & soften) while you prepare:

A pan! V. important to the cake-making process. I used a 9-inch springform for the cake in the photo, but a larger round or square should work so long as you shorten the baking time. Butter and flour your pan of choice and set aside.

Set your oven to 350 degrees F.

Measure your dry ingredients out into a medium bowl and whisk gently to combine.

In a larger bowl, with an electric mixer on medium speed, cream together your butter and sugar for ~3 minutes or until the mixture has lightened in color and texture (indicating that cake-buoying air has gotten into it). Add the eggs, vanilla, and optional bourbon and beat for another 2 minutes to combine thoroughly.

Add your dry ingredients to you wet ingredients and stir with a spoon/spatula/other nonelectric device to combine. The batter should be shiny and smooth (keep stirring if it's not). Pour it into your prepared pan and wiggle the pan to distribute evenly.

Drain most of the liquid from your apples (they can be wet but shouldn't be dripping) and scatter the pieces across the top of the batter, pressing them in just slightly.

Pop the pan in the oven and bake for 60 minutes. Well, check it around 50 minutes. You're looking for the sides of the cake to be deep golden and pulling away from the pan, for the liquid between the apples to be sizzling merrily, and for little bits of batter to be poking up between the pieces of fruit.

Remove from the oven and let cool in the pan until said pan is handleable, then either remove it from the springform, carefully flip it out of your non-springform pan (using a plate to flip with instead of a wire rack), or simply slice and serve the cake from where it is. Seal tightly and refrigerate any leftovers, which should keep for a week.

*If you leave it in the oven too long, no worries: you can abuse this cake and it'll still come out okay. As long as it's not actually charred, just stick it in the fridge in a tightly covered container overnight and it'll be lovely and moist the next day. When you eat it for breakfast. Because that's what responsible adults who have used whole wheat flour do.

[I previously posted an iteration of this recipe done with pears instead of apples, which is lovely if you have ~~heathens~~ friends who dislike cooked apples.]

feliz el too-busy-to-update mes!

2010-11-04T00:11:00.009-04:00

Faithful readers! Fear not, for I have not abandoned you (entirely)! The past few weeks, I've been quite busy traveling to Boston again, doing that aforementioned job-what-makes-me-work thing, and making Halloween happen (I mean, not for everybody, but for some 80 people, anyway).

While in Bostontown I ate here and here, and had a tasty cocktail here. More about that later on when I have ~~fewer wines and encroaching bedtimes~~ the wherewithal to serve up proper foodpr0n.

Here in Atlanta I've been living the questionably glamorous life of a Social Media Nomad, which comes with an 80s-Saturday-morning-cartoon-style theme song, frequent visits to coffee shops with patient baristas & free wi-fi, and a really psyched dog (see illust., right). One of these days I might post a whole entry about all the coffee shops in town, and about how I'm spending too much money on Jeni's Ice Creams at Star Provisions and on sandwiches with Vietnamese-style pickles at Bocado now that I'm occasionally hanging out around the West Side. Until then, you can count on me to be fading in and out of shadows, a loaded MacBook on my back.

Somewhere among all that dull "necessary" stuff, Halloween happened! Through careful planning and wonderful friends, I managed to make this calavera Catrina costume go (please excuse the mess):

A seamstress friend, Jennifer, made the Edwardianish dress for me -- and if anyone else out there is looking to commission a garment (not necessarily Edwardianish), contact me and I'll get you in touch with her 'cause she's fabulous. The crucifix was cobbled together with bits from the jewelry-supply sale rack at Michael's, the makeup is Ben Nye cake and grease pencil, the gloves are Leg Avenue fingerless things from Sock Dreams, and the hat is all the spray paint, ostrich feathers, 50-cent ribbon, and hot glue that you can apply to a straw hat while in a mild state of hat-panic on the afternoon of your Halloween party. Both the makeup & hat were completed with the gracious assistance of a certain dreamthrum, who I guess I like pretty well.

So! What've you been up to?

i'm not at NYCC (sadface)

2010-10-09T13:16:00.009-04:00

But if you're going to New York Comic Con, you should say hi to my friends there and have them sign some books I've edited!

Adam will be there with copies of both I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend and Stays Crunchy in Milk in Booth #349 in the small press area, between Bob Burden and Dr. McNinja. Yes.

Actually, you could stop by Bob Burden's booth while you're there and see if he's got any copies of the Flaming Carrot/Killer Robots crossover photocomics, which I worked on as well.

And if you're there with kids and/or think that bodily functions are kinda hilarious, you should visit Angela of Fierce Fun Toys, who might still be there today at the Laughing Ogre Comics booth (#3016) with copies of Norman PhartEphant: First New Day and bunch of adorable, apologetically rude plush toys.

consumerism WOW: huh it's October

2010-10-07T22:18:00.006-04:00

Adam and I somehow lost September. In a tragic accident. Involving gummy fish. Apologies, faithful Consumerism WOW readers! To balm your wounded hearts, we offer this October edition of Consumerism WOW! For those of you who look so confused, a) your keys are probably in the vegetable crisper again and b) Consumerism WOW is where either Adam P. Knave or myself (in this case, myself) professes desire for several commercially available products, then the other of us (in this case, Adam) tries to guess why the first person wants said products. And the guesser is usually so wrong that we then threaten their pets with sporks.

Thing #1

Adam: You want this "Phantom" quartz bullet in order to shoot The Phantom Menace. I can see it now -- you with a sniper rifle, one bullet, and only Jar Jar between you and a shitty trilogy ending for all time.

Lauren: No! Well, yes. Well, I mostly want this because I think that turning something functional and potentially violent into pretty jewelry is nifty, and also you can't prove that I've been playing so much Halo: Reach just to practice my sniper skills. Also, no jury of my peers would convict me (unless they were 6-year olds, and this is precisely why we don't let 6-year olds sit for jury duty).

Thing #2

Adam: Are you saying you're stressed, Lauren? Is that a jab at our working relationship? Do I stress you? Are you stressing at me? Are you? Because I don't see anyone else here.

Lauren: I like to think that I'm not stressing at you, but rather with you. There is no "I" in "Oh fuckcakes, when were we supposed to have that done?"

Thing #3

Adam: The steampunk controller is pretty cool, but looks like it would hurt your thumbs. Why do you want to make people hurt their thumbs, Lauren? WHY?

Lauren: I'd rather people hurt their thumbs than have to live without video games merely for having been born in the Victorian era. Also this shirt has a bit of design on the back as well as the front! Comprehensive use of the whole t-shirt canvas is important to me.

Thing #4

Adam: I 100% approve of this. Just, you know, watch out for really pale men in Hawaiian shirts knocking on your door late at night, 'k Babs?

Lauren: I always do! (A good friend of mine taught me that much.) Just to be clear, you mean this guy, right?

Thing #5

Adam: I can not approve of this. It is not a real bee. I thought, perhaps, it was a real bee. Cast in metal. Cast down! But no. It is a wireframe bee. A faux bee. Which is close to a Flow-Bee. Which is even worse. So no. I do not know why you would want a flow-bee. Perhaps you like Tron?

Lauren: No no, I want this jewelry because when I'm wearing it, people who want to flirt with me can say, "I like my women like I like my coffee -- covered in bees!" And also because I love bees.

Thing #6

Adam: I enjoy how the handles look like wooden mustaches. I just thought I would throw that out there so that if you ever got this bag you would forever think it. I say things like that because I care, Lauren. But as to why you want it, well, that much is obvious. But I will tell you right now you're wrong. You can not smuggle kittens in that bag.

Lauren: I don't think there has ever been a mustachioed purse, ever, in the entire existence of the Universe, that has been more suited to smuggling kittens. C'mon, they could keep themselves entertained by playing with the beaded tassels! Don't you try to ruin my most-adorable-ever smuggling ring.

Thing #7

Adam: Oh great. I know you want this because you think it will go with your steampunk corset and jodhpurs. However, it will also end with far too many people asking to taste. And your baseball bat arm will get tired. Just a thought. Respect the swinging arm.

Lauren: But you forget, I will have a tortuous yet intriguing game controller with me. When people start to ask for tastes, I distract them with the controller and then their thumbs are bleeding too much for them to think about saying inappropriate things.

Thing #8

Adam: You want this ring because it symbolizes both Captain Planet and Jem for you, at the same time. Bravo.

Lauren: ....Well now that you mention it, yes. This ring is clearly From The '80s, and therefore fabulous. Radical. Tubular?

Thing #9

Adam: So are pixel fossils from 8-bit game monsters? Are you a video game archeologist? 8-bit-ana Jones? Wow, that line was bad enough I won't snark at this shirt. Sorry. Next.

Lauren: First off, this shirt has a glow-in-the-dark pixelated T-rex on it, you shouldn't snark at it anyway. Secondly, check out those tiny little glow-in-the-dark pixely T-rex arms! They're so vestigial and becoming! I think that's a trend that genetics should bring back.

Thing #10

Adam: Look, Lauren, I know you liked Finding Nemo, mmmkay, but this is a sickness. Stop getting your fishpron on. It's upsetting. And it makes us wonder about lobster suits and raise eyebrows.

Lauren: It's clearly not fishpron, it's tragic, star-crossed merpeople lurve! I hope that by next month you'll have grown enough, heartwise, to realize the value in unbees, cute contraband, and emo merpeople.

And so, with a challenge issued and sleep to be had, we leave you each on your own in the consumer-Internet wilderness for another month! Be brave out there, intrepid readers!

guest post on Ginger Lemon Girl

2010-10-03T12:39:00.010-04:00

During all the hubbub of September, I completely forgot to mention: A cookie recipe of mine appeared last month as a guest post on Ginger Lemon Girl, a guilt-free, gluten-free cooking blog! My lemon-lavender-almond cookies, moist & chewy with almond meal, really lend themselves to being made gluten free, so I reworked the recipe for Carrie & her friendly readers. (I also made the baking instructions less rambly, 'cause, guys, I tend to go on a bit. Perhaps you've noticed?) Check out the resulting version of the recipe here:

Gluten-Free Lemon-Almond-Lavender Cookies

creature comforts in Boston

2010-10-02T16:41:00.006-04:00

New job has been full of learning curves! Thrilling, anxiety-inducing, curly-wurly learning curves. But it's also been full of friendly, nerdly people, being encouraged to tweet for fun & profit, and a trip to Boston during which the aforementioned nice people introduced me to restaurants with delicious foods.

My first night in town, after a ridiculously long day of travel/office shenanigans, extraface, @rubicantekid, and I grabbed pre-collapse dinner at Chutney's, which lives in a tiny food court space in The Garage on Harvard Square. It's an Indian fast-food sandwich shop -- like Subway (a franchise of which the owner also runs), except the breads you choose from include naan, roti, and paratha, the components you choose from include aloo chana, basmati rice, lamb kabob, and chicken tikka, and I've never been offered tamarind chutney at a Subway. I got the paneer tikka with rice, tomato, cucumber, and mint & tamarind chutneys on naan. They smooshed the ingredients inside the naan and then toasted the whole thing in a panini press, and it was near-terrifyingly unabashed comfort/junk food, the textures all gradients of soft and the flavors warm & savory-sweet with just a touch of heat. I very much recommend the place to hungry students and weary travelers.

The following night, with a bit more planning & wherewithal, extraface, Ian, and I headed to Central Kitchen in Cambridge on Central Square. Tucked into a space no larger than Brick Store minus the Belgian Bar, Central Kitchen's cozily dim tables and short, seasonal menu of increasingly intriguing comfort foods made me feel instantly at home. The craft cocktail list, beginning with the old-standard Aviation, helped too. My Tom Collins concocted with house-made rosemary simple syrup was somehow refreshing and savory at the same time in a way that was lovely rather than conflicting.

For food, Ian and I shared a daily-special appetizer of spreadably soft, creamy chicken livers with rich balsamic gravy and a kick of sweet & sour cooked berryish things (currents, maybe?) over soft, just-caramelized toast -- which was pretty much transcendental. Dave had the cocktail shrimp, which were elegantly presented and reportedly delicious. My entree of seafood bouillabaisse was a tad bit salty, but the squid, mussels, and clams were all perfectly chewy-tender, and the cod, shrimp, tomatoes, and saffron conspired to make the broth both bright & rich. We tried two of the desserts -- a baked chocolate pudding that was nearly sensory overload (think solid, spoonable hot chocolate) and a deceptively simple butter cake with berry sauce (like a warmer, denser berry shortcake). I absolutely recommend Central Kitchen to gastro-geeks.

Let me know if there's anywhere in particular I need to go the next time I'm up Boston-way!

steam-powered influenza, book projects, and employment

2010-09-11T16:35:00.007-04:00

Oh my, I still have a blog. It didn't die while I was gone like my mint plant did.

I have been busy the past couple weeks with: going to DragonCon, having the flu, helping Adam Knave finish his new compilation of essays and fiction, getting a new job, quitting my old job, and blatantly ignoring this blog. Not necessarily in that order.

Details!

DragonCon: For those who've never been, it's basically Nerdi Gras in downtown Atlanta. Pop culture celebrities and fans attend, the latter dress up in elaborate costumes, and everyone dranks and giggles. The big trend o' the year was steampunk everything, and nothing quite working out how I wanted it to with the exception of some excellent peanut butter sandwiches. I have no pictures! Except of how someone modded the elevator buttons in the Marriott Marquis:

The flu: Is lame.

Adam's new book: I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend is a compilation of essays and fiction -- some from the Intarwebs and some written fresh for this publication -- that, like DragonCon, is all about the pop culture of our lives. But it's a lot more hygienic than DragonCon, and there are no German ladies named Ilka in it who will try to sell you corsets. This is what the cover will look like:

New job: Despite my dropping the f-bomb within the first 3 seconds of my first interview, these nice people hired me on to be a Writer/Strategist for their content team, which basically means that I'll be writing some blog copy, wrangling some freelancers, helping companies that don't know how to Internet Internet better, and, um, doin' some other stuff. It's a shiny-new position, so none of us are entirely sure what it'll entail aside from my generally making myself useful in a geeky way. Which is pretty much what I live to do, so, yay!

Old job: I've been editing rheumatology manuscripts for the past 4 years and I'm really not going to miss that part at all, but I will miss my coworkers. If you're one of them, you should comment/email and let me know how we can keep in touch! (And no, they're not letting me keep the lobster suit. NOT THAT I'VE ASKED.)

Blog: Holy whoa I just wrote some words and will now upload them. And I anticipate repeating the process in the near future! I bet it's what you never expected, which is, apparently, how the upstanding fellows in this video feel about being On A Blimp.

Mockingjay and Top Flr

2010-08-24T13:30:00.005-04:00

Just picked up my long-awaited copy of Mockingjay, the third and final book in the YA Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins! Along with a keychain so's I can properly advertise my dorkiness (since Scholastic has, for some reason, decided not to cash in on the pins they're making but rather to offer them only as prizes and student incentives).*

Please note that I'm being responsible and doing the writing/editing I've promised to finish tonight and tomorrow, and that I'll bloody well put an arrow through the pig of anyone who spoils me before I get a chance to read this thing. ^____^

In quick food updates, I had dinner at Top Flr last night -- they do a $15 3-course prix fix on Mondays, and you should really go the next time you've got a Monday evening free.

Last night, the first course was a salad of peppery-green arugula with sweet slivers of dried fig, heat from slices of pepperocini, bright cherry tomato halves, creamy-sharp parmaggiano flakes, and a bare, tart lemony dressing to bind the lot together.

The second course was an option of a crumbled chorizo, jalapeño, onion, and arugula flatbread or a seared scallop with a warm, Asian-inspired salad of kale, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, celery, onion, and octopus. The flatbread was tasty in a distinctly late-night-college-snack sort of way, but the scallop dish was really delightful -- the sugared soy & sesame dressing playing against the bitter of the vegetables and the sweetness of the tomatoes and seafood, and both the scallop and octopus cooked to tender-chewy excellence.

The third course was an option of a chocolate ganache tart, which I didn't try, or a coconut bread pudding with a spiced sauce and carmelized sliced bananas. Though I didn't detect much coconut in the bread pudding, the dessert was warming and lovely, not too sweet and slightly strange for the Indian-inspired heat of the sauce. Fans of chilies + chocolate should be on the lookout for this one.

For $15 it was a light dinner (dessert doesn't count as filling. Hungry diners might want to order a pre-prix fix snack), but an excellent value for the experience of such playful flavors. Service was polite and attentive, but the kitchen didn't seem to be in a rush to get the courses out -- I would reserve Top Flr for a night that you don't have a schedule to keep. And I feel obligated to mention feeling a little foppish when the price of my dinner nearly doubled upon ordering a cocktail -- which was terrific, something they're calling A Sordid Affair: smoky Scorpion Blanco mezcal tequila, bittersweet Cynar artichoke liquor, spicy black peppercorn simple syrup, bright blackberries, and a squeeze of balancing citrus, served over ice with a straw for sipping and a pretty circle of lime set against the interior of the glass. But yeah, I'm just sayin' -- even with the prix fix in hand, Top Flr isn't tight-budget friendly. Which is okay sometimes! I'll definitely be back to try the regular menu and more of the cocktails. Let me know what's best there if you've been before.

* Scholastic, won't you please let me give you cash monies for a Mockingjay pin? I approve of ALSO using them as prizes and student incentives, and I'll make one myself out of the aforementioned keychain, but you're making fandom difficult, here.

an art commission for a grammarmonkey

2010-08-18T18:40:00.005-04:00

Take a gander at my shiny ~~new~~ okay not new anymore but I keep forgetting to post about it, so old-but-still-newsworthy graphical representation of my grammarmonkey self:

It was drawn for me on commission by one Mr. Eric Clausen for just 30 bucks, careful shipping included, as part of his Drawings for 30 Bucks fundraiser for the surgery he needed after a bike accident earlier this year. Eric's all surgeried up now but still accepting commissions because, undaunted by mere physical injury and suffering, he's planning on biking and drawing his way across America and would like to be able to eat while he's doing it. And since commissioning a drawing is as simple as posting a request to his Facebook wall, I recommend doing that. (I was super unspecific about what he should draw for me and I heart what his imagination came up with, so I especially recommend just sorta setting him loose on a prompt.)

And if you've got any gandering left in you, take one at Eric's page on Kickstarter -- he's already met his goal (yay!) but could probably stand to have a few extra dollars sitting around, and his incentives include hand-drawn postcards from the road(side) and personal hangouts during which he'll draw your portrait and eat your food. So if you're looking to toss less or more than 30 bucks at him and still get something nifty in return, that is a highly possible thing.

Spanish pigs and Georgian burgers

2010-08-11T17:30:00.001-04:00

I'm finally getting out to The Iberian Pig for dinner tonight, and hopefully I'll have the wherewithal post-dinner but pre–food coma to jot down some notes to share with y'all. For a person who's insisted on vegetarian meals all week, I'm fairly ridiculously excited about trying as many different preparations of pork as possible in one sitting.

Part of my recent vegetarianism has been penitence due to my visit to Farm Burger last week. It wasn't any one thing that pushed the meal into a hedonistic experience, but rather the combination of a few bites each of the fried chickpeas (non-breaded, prepared in their papery shells with a dusting of salt like significantly heavier edamame -- interesting but too raw-crunchy for my liking), fried chicken livers (the size and shape of the richest-ever chicken nuggets with a sweet, thin mustard sauce for dipping -- highly recommended), beer-battered onion rings (the ultimate kind, with an even ratio of crisp breading clinging to thick cuts of sweet onion), sweet potato fries (a bit bland and soft compared with the other sides), French-fried potatoes (also on the soft side, but that's a good thing with such lovely hand-cut potatoes 'cause it allows the potatoes' earthy flavor to emanate), the smoked paprika mayo for dipping (a bit too creamy but with excellent smokey flavor), a glass of Terrapin Hop Karma IPA (a peppery and rich brown ale/IPA collision), and my No. 3 burger with à la Grecque mushrooms and onions, gruyere, and arugula. The burger was cooked a perfect, pink medium with an excellent outer char, the bun was soft and squishy but boasted a similarly delightful caramelized char on the inside, and though the mushrooms and onions were a bit too vinegary for my tastes, they sure did provide a needed cut to all the fatty flavors.

I'll be sure to go back to try their veggie quinoa burger, their floats (hibiscus + cinnamon? vanilla porter? yes pls), and more of their toppings (I'm plotting a Ludicrously Expensive Burger: their beef patty topped with roasted bone marrow, aged smoked gouda, arugula, and thick-sliced heirloom tomato). If you beat me to it, tell me how everything was!

Pro-tip: I went on a Thursday and the place was slammed at first but cleared out after 8:30 or so, leaving lots of elbow room and a friendly-if-slightly-punchy staff. So aim to arrive around then if you dislike crowds.

Concentrics' swank Summer Swag

2010-08-07T12:58:00.005-04:00

Just a quick clue-in for any Atlanta eaters on a budget who haven't heard: For the rest of the month of August, you can get 50% off at any of the Concentrics restaurants (up to a $25 discount everywhere but Bakeshop, which offers a discount up to $10) simply by going to their site and either printing this Summer Swag flyer or downloading it to your phone.

The Concentrics group encompasses One Midtown Kitchen, Two Urban Licks, Murphy's, Parish, Bakeshop, TAP, Room at Twelve, and Lobby Bar & Bistro. If, like me, you're on something of an unofficial mission to eat at every restaurant and pub in the city, this is a good opportunity/excuse/Jedi mind trick to try a few out at a relatively low dollar-risk.

Of the Concentrics lot, I've only ever been to One Midtown Kitchen and Two Urban Licks (and the now-defunct Trois), which have offered experiences that were intriguing if not always precisely solid. I've found that all three provided better cocktails and small plates overall than entrees -- if you're into the craft cocktail scene and sharing dishes with your dining mates, I'd hazard to say that you'll be pleased with any of Concentrics' offerings.

Of One and Two, I personally recommend One Midtown Kitchen for being a bit more laid back and pared down. The space and staff have this particular calm & collected kind of eccentric-artist vibe to them that compliments the poshly understated menu. If you go, ask the knowledgeable, friendly waitstaff for opinions and recommendations on the ever-changing offerings -- but definitely try the house-made charcuterie. The bizarre-sounding but delectably spiced chocolate-jalapeño pork sausage is one of my favorite cured meats in town. And their seasonal cocktails are blissful -- boozy, balanced, and none too sweet.

Two Urban Licks is a more hyperactive sort of posh: all bright lights, bold colors, big noises, flashy food, and glitzy people. I feel like it's designed to be sensory overload -- the exhausting sort of [dinner] party. Try their house-infused cocktails -- they've always got some strange, sassy thing brewing.

And if you get out to any of the other Concentrics places, let me know how they are! With such an awesome deal going, I can nearly guarantee that by the end of the month, I'll be able to compare notes.

Popgun, Fierce Fun, and Twithulhu

2010-07-29T23:47:00.002-04:00

Hey, so congratulations to D. J. Kirkbride, Adam P. Knave, and lots of other people who I'm not friends with (yet?!) who worked on Image comics' Popgun Volume 3 for winning a freakin' Eisner award this past weekend. (All I did this weekend was throw a party, discover what's potentially a watermelon plant growing in the middle of the front lawn, and fail at making creme caramel. I feel relatively unproductive.) This is what the cover of Popgun Volume 3 (with art by Tara McPherson) looks like:

And this is what a link to a place where you can purchase it looks like:

Holy whoa, a link!

I've been busy these past couple weeks working with Adam on his upcoming book, I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend, which'll be a compilation of essays and short fiction. And on a few different projects with Fierce Fun Toys, which is growing and learning and sneezing and hiccuping and, yes, still occasionally farting.

Oh, and Adam & I did another episode of Consumerism WOW, hosted on his blog this month:

Thing #2

Lauren: I… I don’t want any of the Elder Gods using Twitter. It’s bad enough as it is! I mean. ReTweets and pronfollows and foursquare are enough to drive anyone mad already. Are you one of Twithulhu’s cultists? Is that why you want this shirt? Fess up.

Adam: Cultist is such a strong word. We prefer “Empire-Building Joy Minion” these days. Besides when Twithulhu comes and devours the souls of everyone on twitter who will notice?

Click through to Adam's blog to see the rest! [The Twithulhu shirt is a special edition that might disappear forever at the end of July, so order one now if you like it! And order this one in medium if you're getting one for me. (Merely a suggestion!)]

review: siggi's pomegranate & passion fruit skyr yogurt

2010-07-28T23:38:00.003-04:00

A quick sequel to my review of siggi's orange & ginger skyr yogurt:

I tried a cup of siggi's pomegranate & passion fruit flavor, which has a gram more sugar than the orange & ginger flavor (bringing it to a still-teensy 11 grams total) but just as much protein (a Juggernauty 16 grams). For that one gram of additional sugar and a lack of woody ginger bits, the pomegranate & passion fruit skyr is much less aggressive and more to my tastes than the orange & ginger was. The sour of the fruits in this one blend just perfectly with the (still quite strong!) sour of the yogurt.

The passion fruit is the more forward of the two fruit flavors, and it's very bright on the tongue. (The taste reminds me -- and forgive me this analogue, I blame the '80s -- of the scent of Hawaiian Punch.) That brightness compliments the thickness of the yogurt, making it feel a bit lighter than the orange & ginger did. Not having any bits or pieces of fruit mixed in with the yogurt helps as well, allowing a creamy mouthfeel. (Pro-tip: If you find this yogurt grainy when you first open it, let it sit out for ten minutes or so. As it warms up, the milk solids relax and it becomes more smooth.)

Overall, the orange & ginger flavor reminded me of something sturdy. Like drywall. The pomegranate & passion fruit is much more friendly -- more luxurious [and for $2.50 or more per cup, I want to be pampered, not spanked (personal preference)] and dangerously seductive, budgetarily speaking -- I'm going to be craving these bright flavors again soon. If you're going to plunk down the cash to try siggi's, I'd highly recommend this flavor.

kickstarter and cobbler

2010-07-16T13:27:00.002-04:00

My musically inclined friend Juliana, who also blogs at write.play.repeat. and Bear & Honey's Clueless To-Do List, is working on 2 new albums! They're going to be seasonally themed sorts of things, which -- I tell you in case you're unaware that Juliana is an incarnate of Mama Nature via a) the 80s and b) the Internet -- is highly appropriate.

She's using the faboo Kickstarter.com to raise funds, and you should toss monies her way 'cause I really want to hear what she's working on. Erm. And for other, less monkey-serving purposes as well (I guess), like "advancing the arts" or "I want advance-release copies of the albums and/or an in-home concert for myself." You can sample and purchase her previous EP and LP on CD Baby (I particularly recommend "Rattlesnake" from How to Take the Fall), though donating 25 bux on Kickstarter will earn you both of those AND both of the new albums once she's all funded and finished. Just sayin'.

In baking news, I've been making all the cobbler lately -- cherry, blackberry, and peach in just the past two weeks. I think the peach was the most successful -- I grated a maybe 1/4 tsp of nutmeg over the peaches and added maybe 1/2 tsp of vanilla extract while they were mascerating, and yeah. Heavenly.

I've been using a bottom crust from smittenkitchen's apple tart and a biscuit topping (with hard-boiled egg yolks instead of raw!) from her rhubarb cobbler. My only advice if you try this is to prepare a LOT of fruit -- ~3 quarts of cherries, blackberries, or other things that come in quarts, or at least 10 peaches or other pieces of single-serving fruit. Just mascerate whatever fruit you're using in 1/2 to 1 cup of sugar (depending on the natural sweetness of the fruit) while your crust & biscuits are chilling, then assemble, bake, and feel like a rockstar.

recipes: lemon curd and a mango-blackberry tart

2010-07-06T19:32:00.004-04:00

Did I mention that I have the best (if slightly self-serving) group of friends ever in the whole Universe?

This was my birthday present. (Thank you, friends!) Having it makes me unafraid of pastry dough for the first time ever, and being unafraid of pastry dough makes it necessary for me to stock lemon curd.

If you've never had lemon curd, it's a bit like a tart citrus version of apple butter -- or like a creamy marmalade minus the bits of rind. It plays with sour-sweet flavors, has a pudding-smooth texture, and is terrific as a spread on toast, waffles, pancakes, muffins, or other breakfast/brunch baked goods -- or it can be used as a filling or glaze for cakes, cupcakes, or dessert pastry. I love tart flavors and generally prefer less sweet desserts, so I think it should be used in all of the above pretty much all the time.

I made a batch of lemon curd a couple weeks ago, meaning to spread a layer of it atop the crust and beneath the fruit (i.e., mascerated mangoes and fresh blackberries) in a pastry based on smitten kitchen's simplest apple tart.* In my pastry-assembling excitement I completely forgot to put the lemon curd in, but I melted 2 tablespoons of lemon curd plus 1 tablespoon of butter to brush over the crust & filling instead of just butter, which worked wonderfully. It was so successful, in fact, that I also forgot to take any pictures of it. I fail as a food pr0nographer.

Lemon Curd
Adapted from Haalo of Cook [Almost] Anything at Least Once, who got it from Stephanie Alexander.
Makes ~12 oz. of lemon curd

INGREDIENTS

4 egg yolks
3/4 cup (150 grams) white granulated sugar, the finer-grained the better (but plain ol' sugar is okay too)

5 tbsp butter (70 grams)
7 tbsp lemon juice (~3.4 oz., or 100 mls, or ~3 lemons' worth)

METHOD

Combine the egg yolks and sugar in a bowl and blend on medium-high speed for 3 minutes, until the mixture has lightened to a cream color.

Melt the butter in a small saucepan on medium-low heat, then add the lemon juice and stir to combine. Stir a couple tablespoons of the hot liquid into the yolk & sugar mixture to temper it, then add the yolks & sugar to the saucepan. Whisk constantly until the mixture just reaches a boil (~10 minutes or so, depending on how hot your stove runs), at which point the lemon curd will thicken sort of drastically and separate a bit, turning a brighter yellow underneath a layer of cream/foam.

If you happen to have the equipment and wherewithal to sterilize and seal jars, you could jar the lemon curd and store it at room temperature for up to 3 months until opened, at which point it should be kept in the fridge (for up to 4 weeks). If, like me, you're better with Tupperware than boiled glass, just seal it up and pop it straight into the fridge. It'll need to sit awhile to set to its proper, jellylike firmness.

I plan to experiment with making all sorts of other fruit curds using this recipe by simply swapping out the juice and adjusting the sugar content -- if you happen to try making any other flavors, let me know how it goes!

*Simpleish Mango & Blackberry Tart
Adapted from Deb of smitten kitchen, who got it from Alice Waters.
Serves 6-8

Follow Deb's excellent instructions on making and refrigerating the tart's crust. In addition to that, you'll need:

INGREDIENTS

4 large red/green mangoes (or ~8 smaller yellow [champagne] mangoes)
1/3 cup white granulated sugar (I'd try less, maybe 1/4 cup, with the yellow mangoes)
At least a half-pint of blackberries (or your other berry of choice)
~4 tbsp prepared lemon curd (optional)

2 tbsp butter (or 1 tbsp butter + 1 tbsp lemon curd)
2 tbsp turbinado/raw granulated sugar (optional but very pretty -- white sugar would work fine too)

METHOD

While the crust is chilling, cut your mangoes into cubes, and stir your sugar into the cubes. Let the cubes sit for at least half an hour, stirring occasionally to redistribute the mango in the syrup. This is called masceration, and it'll help break down the stringiness of the mango and work some of the moisture out of fruit so that you don't wind up with an overly soggy pastry crust.

Once the mango is mascerating, rinse and dry a pint of blackberries. You could also use blueberries, or slice some strawberries into vertical quarters -- use whatever's ripe and sweet and readily available. (You may end up only using a half-pint, so if you're on a budget you could buy less berries -- I just like having extra around to make up for inevitable berry loss due to over-ripeness and snacking.)

When the pastry dough is chilled and the mangoes are mascerated, get out two clean bowls. Use one to drain the mango syrup into (through a fine mesh sieve if you've got a big one, or through a pasta strainer or even a slotted spoon in a pinch) and the second to hold the drained mango pieces. Butter and flour an ~9-inch tart or pie pan (with a removable bottom, preferably), and roll the dough out to ~4 inches in diameter larger than your pan. (I always get lazy when I'm rolling dough out, but you want to roll it enough so it'll come up over the sides of the pan by at least an inch.) Drape the dough into the pan, gently tucking it down into the corners of the pan and letting the edges hang over the sides. Get your oven heating to 400 F.

If you've made a batch of lemon curd, try spreading maybe 4 tablespoons across the crust with a pastry brush or the back of a spoon. Arrange the mango pieces evenly in the crust -- it's okay if you don't have quite enough to fill it. (If you didn't use the lemon curd, you could use a couple tablespoons of the mango syrup to help fill in any gaps.) Spangle the tart with the berries, then fold the loose edges of the crust over the filling. It doesn't need to look perfect -- rustic and tasty is what you're going for with this thing.

Melt 2 tablespoons of butter (or 1 tablespoon each of butter and lemon curd) and spread it over the edges of the crust and the top of the fruit with a pastry brush or the back of a spoon. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of sugar over the crust if you wanna make it extra pretty.

Pop the tart in the oven for 30 minutes, coming back to rotate it every 10 minutes to ensure even browning. Mango and berries don't need all that long to bake, so really you're just looking for the filling to be bubbly and the crust to reach a nice, rich golden brown. Once it's out, let it cool for 5-10 minutes, then slice and serve -- whip cream wouldn't go awry with it, but I think it stands really well on its own. If you happen to have any left over, wrap it loosely and refrigerate it. It should keep for 2 to 3 days.

romance, knives, and one particular parasol

2010-06-25T07:35:00.003-04:00

Two books I've managed to cross off my reading list lately:

If you read Ellen Kushner's Privilege of the Sword like I told you to, I just wanted to remind you that you might want to go back and read Swordspoint if you haven't done that -- or jump ahead and order a copy of Kushner's short followup story to Privilege, "The Man with the Knives". It's being sold, via mailed request only, as a limited-edition paperback chapbook sort of thing for $20 including shipping, is printed on paper that's gorgeous to the touch, and comes with a folded bit of artwork by Thomas Canty. Kushner's use of the language in this short is just as decadent as its presentation, making the story, altogether, a pleasure to read. However, if Privilege was double chocolate chip cookies? "The Man with the Knives" is lemonade that no one's told you is being served add-your-own-sweetener style. The sugar bowl is right there, but you might find yourself cursing at the cook after your first big glug.

A book which I didn't curse at even once is Gail Carriger's Soulless, the first in her Parasol Protectorate series. But I did giggle at it a lot. Or with it, rather, because although it’s a book about people who take themselves Victorian levels of seriously (i.e., Seriously with a capital “S” and, probably, multiple layers of undergarments), Soulless is in it for the romp. And it's a wondermous romp, featuring all the nude werewolves, gay vampires, daring escapes, and canoodling that I've come to expect & adore in urban fantasy/romance -- just, the "urban" is an alternate-history 19th century London. Which is really just an excuse for added hilarity and fabulousity, assuming that you're as amused and impressed by comedies of errors, bustles, and dirigibles as I am. The plot and characters tend to be a bit predictable in this book, but that's not preventing me from craving the second one in the series. (It doesn't hurt that someone or something in the book is at least as obsessed with cephalopods as I am. Go Team Cephalopod!)

Loosely relatedly (erm, to urban fantasy, not cephalopods), and not to criticize Soulless for what it is but as an open question to all authors & consumers of supernatural romance at large: Why is it that there aren’t any books in popular circulation in which the female lead is the ancient beastie and the male lead is the human ingénue who catches her interest?

If such books do exist and I just don’t know about them, please enlighten me! But, assuming there aren't, I figure it’s a combination of it being more simple/fun to tell a story through the eyes of the person who'll be most like the readers -- a human and a n00b who’ll need the supernatural parts explained -- and of age and gender stereotypes indicating that the man should be the older, more powerful party in the relationship.

But I wanna hear your opinion! Would you want to read a story about Civil War-era vampire Sookie moving back to her hometown and falling for the psychic boy next door? Or, say, assuming that Darla and Angel were interesting characters, about Darla’s decision that Liam was a person she wanted to chat up eternally?

#yogurtpost

2010-06-17T00:33:00.004-04:00

So I get this e-mail from a nice lady claiming to have read my review of siggi's yogurt (an unverified claim, but likely) and to be from the Associated Press (which she actually is, I checked. On Google). And she asks if I'd like to talk with her about yogurt. I like yogurt and I like talking, and that's how I came to be quoted in an AP article with a doubleplusgood pun in its title: Yogurt crosses cultures with new styles, imports.

I feel like I should provide you with some new yogurt news now as so to uphold my status as public yogurt expert, but really most of my yogurt opinions these days orbit around my finding everything from StonyField Farms awesomely inexpensive & worthwhile and everything from everywhere else shades of acceptable to inedible. My current obsession is with StonyField's Lowfat Plain yogurt. Very lowfat (2g fat, 1.5 saturated) and yet very tasty plain! No honey or other additions necessary! (Though it sure is berry season, and fresh berries are most excellent in yogurt.) I just wish that more (read: any) of my local stores carried Lowfat Plain more regularly.

Have you made any yogurt discoveries since the last time we talked about my favorite ~~breakfast~~ quick-breakfast-so-I-don't-eat-anyone's-face food?

review: Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams

2010-06-11T07:16:00.005-04:00

One of the members of the organization that I work for sends our staff the most excellent foodpresent ever twice a year: several pints of ice cream from Jeni's, a company out of Columbus, Ohio (his hometown) that ships their treats throughout the US for those of us unlucky enough to be out of range of their Ohio shops or the few schmancy markets they sell pints through.*

With a focus on local, seasonal, whimsical, and responsibly-raised ingredients, Jeni's makes 15 signature (standard catalog) flavors and also has an ever rotating, ever dreamy line of seasonal flavors. Which are so seasonal that in the past week that it's taken me to pull this post together, one has vanished from their sales list and the other is going to be switched out this Friday. So if those seasonal flavors interest you, consider ordering nowish! Some of Jeni's flavors seem more like experiments in oddity than earnest desserts, but I've never, ever had one that I regretted trying -- or one that I didn't go back for a second helping of.

Seasonal flavors, available for a limited time:

Savannah Buttermint is so creamily rich that it's more like a custard than an ice cream. But the sharp, perfect mint makes it refreshing and light on the tongue. Tiny flecks of frozen white chocolate provide that bit of crunch that I love in mint ice cream. For me, having liked mint chocolate chip best when I was a kid, this one is comforting, homey -- like iced tea sipped under fans on the front porch. I'd want to serve this one plain, in little glass ice cream dishes with sprigs of fresh-picked mint topping each perfect scoop. This one is possibly only available through today, 6/11/10, so make the ordering happen if you need to try it!

Meyer Lemon Blueberry Yogurt is as tart as a sorbet -- so tart that the creaminess doesn't even register as anything except smooth. The small, dense, near-gummilike blueberries provide a sweet respite from the lemon. I'll be craving this one the next time I'm hot. I feel like anything sweet it was paired with would be overpowered by the tartness, but I might try a bit with something simple like angel food cake, pound cake, or shortbread.

Rhubarb Rosé carries a whiff of booze up front and a full-mouthed winey funk at the back, sandwiching a bite of sweet cream & tangy rhubarb. Tiny bits of frozen rhubarb provide occasional, near-crunchy texture. The total effect is relatively mild and subtle -- I'm pretty sure this flavor could pass for strawberry if you weren't paying much attention. Probably best eaten on its own as so to appreciate the flavors -- unless you were going to serve it over a rhubarb crumble or pie. It's not one of my favorite flavors, but it'd be lovely as the finish to a summer back-porch picnic. Erm, next year... this flavor has disappeared already!

Standard catalog flavors, available year-round:

Salty Caramel tastes simply like the perfect bite of rich, roasty, lightly salted caramel -- just in colder, melty-er, creamier form. Though it's too plain for me on its own, a scoop of it would make a warm, chewy brownie (or a thick pour of hot fudge) pretty much the best thing ever.

Mackenzie Creamery Goat Cheese with Roasted Red Cherries is sophisticated with its deep twinge of savory goaty flavor -- like cherry cheesecake all grown up. The cherries are dense and chewy, bright and tart. This one feels like a cheese course in a pint, or like something you'd find at a gastropub. I'd serve this on its own, or possibly in a glass of Guinness as a float.

Thai Chili (newly renamed Bangkok Peanut) is a divisive flavor -- though roasty peanut & fruity coconut are definitely dessertlike, their combination with the sharp chili heat that hits way at the back of each bite of this ice cream is so unusual for a sweet that it's either loved or hated. I love it. If you can forgive that it replicates Thai entrée sauces a little too closely, you'll love the custardy creaminess and fine texture from bits of coconut, too, and might become just a little addicted to cooling the tongue-burning aftertaste of this ice cream with another spoonful in a ~~vicious~~ delicious circle.

[I've tried a bunch of their other flavors in the past, but wanted to report only on what I've had recently -- if you're particularly curious about anything, just ask!]

A note about ordering: These ice creams aren't cheap, and shipping ice cream near midsummer is similarly not inexpensive. Prices start at $48 for your choice of 4 flavors, and shipping starts at $10 on top of that. (That works out to $14.50 per pint, assuming you're not in a more expensive shipping area. Cheaper-in-the-long-run options include $68 for your choice of 6 flavors plus shipping [$13 per pint] or $85 for 9 set flavors [$10.55 per pint].) So, this stuff is kind of a crazy treat. But crazy-wonderful.

* I almost forgot to mention! Here in Atlanta, Star Provisions is supposedly selling several of Jeni's standard-catalog flavors now -- if you go and look, let me know what you find!

reading list: summer '10

2010-06-09T07:51:00.007-04:00

I have this problem where I can't help buying discounted books that look really interesting. It's a combination of wanting to read everything, having a secret hope of one day possessing a library with tall rolling ladders and padded leather armchairs to contrast with all my tattered paperback SF, not having all that much disposable income but feeling like it's okay to spend a little if I'm getting a deal, and thinking of discounted books like they're discounted puppies -- oh they are so cute I know I can't save all of them but can't I take just a few?? Books need love too.

Which is how I end up like this:

But of course, that's not enough books. I'm also embroiled in no less than 4 pop urban (or, in one case, rural) fantasy series, which I alternately beg from the library, borrow from friends, or order from the UK 'cause it takes how long?? for them to be published here and I need them sooner than that.

So, yes. In addition to the books pictured above and a few stray issues of comics that I at some point purchased and promptly forgot about, I've also got on my list: Turn Coat, from the Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher (who, in addition to the great humor he's always given the series, learns to write by the fifth or sixth book, and is a rare SF author who doesn't look down on geeks 'cause he is one), The Naming of the Beasts, from the Felix Castor series by Mike Carey (much grittier wizard noir than the Dresden series, reviewed here), and The Lunatic Café, from the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton (don't judge me, I like vampire pr0n and earning the right to be indignant about poor writing). Usually there'd also be a book from the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris on that list, but I just this past Saturday read Dead in the Family, and the next one hasn't been announced yet. (Harris is the Paula Dean of modern fantasy -- an unabashedly Southern-voiced & pervy-minded purveyor of things you know are bad for you that you'll devour anyway.)

Um, also? Every time I read an issue of Publishers Weekly (i.e., once a week), I'm moved to add a few new or old books to my Amazon booklist.

What I'm actually reading right now is... well, I'm between books, so technically nothing. But my copy of The Man with the Knives by Ellen Kushner just came in last week, so I think I'm gonna go for that.

So! What're you reading right now -- and do you have a backlog of books? Also, because I'm a reading-list masochist, you should give me recommendations for anything you think I'd dig.

congratuations, Ian and Cheri

2010-06-05T15:00:00.001-04:00

I spent my birthday weekend in Leesburg, Virginia. A friend from DC took me out in Arlington for beer & chili samples, and then got half a restaurant worth of otherwise respectable, upstanding citizens to sing Happy Birthday to me all impromptu.

But mostly I was there to hug my family and help my li'l cousin Ian celebrate:

My brain is convinced that Ian is still a scrawny 9 year old who swings a wicked pillow. So it was strange, just a little, watching his expression melt from nervous expectation into only mildly terrified joy when he saw his bride step into the setting sunlight on the garden path that would lead her to him, to hold his hands and vow her commitment and dab away his tears when he vowed his own.

Congratulations, Ian & Cheri. May you find such joy and comfort in each other every day.

consumerism WOW: instructions and illusions

2010-05-28T07:51:00.002-04:00

Somehow, Adam P. Knave and I BOTH found time to look at things available for purchase on the Internet! And then discuss the things we looked at and kinda insult each other! (Don't worry, kids -- we're just foolin'.) For the record, these are all things that I sorta totally want. And after Adam guesses why I want them, I'll explain to you why he's never been wronger.

A note of warning: This edition of Consumerism WOW includes items with vulgar words written on them! If you're offended by that sort of thing, you might want to consider an alternative news & entertainment source than a) my blog specifically right now and b) the Internet probably all the time.

Thing #1

Adam: When Lauren wants to get her drank on, that kid don't play! See what I did there? Yeah you do. You want this shirt just so you can be as clear as humanly possible. When it's time for you to drink, don't bring you no problems.

Lauren: Drankin’ is serious business when you’re me! I only have a tequila and a half worth of booze to avail myself of during any given “booze time” before I’ll start giggling and having to lean on things and otherwise being useless. I cannot afford to be careless when booze time begins, as the general public should be made aware.

Thing #2

Adam: Why do you keep trying to convince people the cake is a lie, Lauren? Why? The cake is real. I was told so myself. Why must you help spread lies? Don't you trust GLaDOS? DON'T YOU?

Lauren: I tend to be SLIGHTLY less trustful of people who try to set me on fire. You should know that and also stop trying to fax me lit matches.

Thing #3

Adam: Sometimes after you get your drink on you wake up confused, and yet hungry. So you want this to remind you how to cook meat - the Ellis Way. Perhaps you should have less to drink and more cake?

Lauren: My wacky hypoglycemia pretty much means that cake DOES make me drunk. (Except cake that’s a lie. That cake is okay for even hypoglycemics to eat.) So your plan would still lead to me waking up hungry & desiring instructions on how to fix said hunger. Except I’d never cook steak that way, even impressionably hung over from booze/cake, ‘cause I like steak rare. I think I want this so that I can hang it on the wall and then when people bug me while I’m baking I can point to it emphatically, and they’ll wander off and read it and maybe their heads will explode a little, and I’ll be left to bake in peace.

Thing #4

Adam: You secretly love the Tick and Arthur and hope that's what everyone thinks of when they see this. It's all good, We all love Arthur, Lauren.

Lauren: I. Oh holy spoon that TOTALLY looks like Arthur’s head! No wonder Rapture was so weird, it was full of The Tick cosplayers! But no really, I just think merch that isn’t also an overt advertisement is ultra classy.

Thing #5

Adam: See? CAKE! Totally not a lie! Asparagus cake though may not be recommended. Why would you try to eat asparagus cake, Lauren? Do you need to remember how to cook again?

Lauren: No no, this is another clear example of the cake being a lie. Asparagus cake is not cake. The Cake is actively lying to me. I’m trying to start a t-shirt collection with a theme. (They’ve never tried to set me on fire though, which gives them one up on SOME murderous robots and authors I know.)

Thing #6

Adam: Does this shirt admit that Mario is a little commie? I mean... does it? Is that what you're trying to say? That you think Nintendo is a commie hive of scum and villainy? Are you secretly working for GLaDOS after all?

Lauren: I just think it’s important for Miyamoto-san to be recognized as the invincible revolutionary that he is! I haven’t asked about Mario’s political leanings. Also, if I don't trust GLaDOS to not set me on fire, I definitely don't trust her to get me my paychecks on time. ALSO, I like communists! Haven’t we previously determined that you’re a communist?

Thing #7

Adam: You like to confuse people, don't you? People who stare at your chest. You want them confused. So that you can brain 'em but good. We all see through your plan.

Lauren: There is no part about your statement that isn’t true. I’m glad everyone’s cottoned on to it, though! It’s more of a challenge to brain people when they’re prepared for it, and I enjoy challenges that involve braining.

Thing #8

Adam: So let's recap. You had too much to drink. You forgot how to cook and think cake is a lie. Then you ask Warren Ellis "How do I make meat edible?" and yet you still long for something and it isn't asparagus cake. So you need to go next door, say, and deal with shit. Take shit into your own hands. But... again with the too much to drink and what order and oh, look, a handy map. You like t-shirts and such that tell you how to do things. You like them a little TOO much.

Lauren: How can a person like wearable instructions too much?? They’re helpful reminders AND excellent ways to not be naked in public, BOTH. I like being knowledgeable and clothed even more than I like communists.

Thing #9

Adam: Bad. Ass. Editing. Poster. I got nothing but love and respect for that.

Lauren: ^____^ I want to hang this in my office so that I can be the badass envy of all the other copy editors.

Thing #10

Adam: Wait, what? No. Why do you want a panda case that looks like a penis? Penis panda holds your eye makeup? And pens? What? No. Just... no. Explain yourself, Lauren! And do not blame the drink!

Lauren: Can I blame Warren Ellis’s meat, then? No? hrm. I think I’ll blame YOU for introducing the idea that sometimes Tarepanda totally does look like a penis. The panda and I were innocent before we met you, Adam. Are all communists so Freudian all the time?

And then Adam wandered away to go find images of genitalia hidden in everyday objects, and I took a lot of vitamin C and hoped really really hard that I was NOT in fact getting a cold on the day of my birthday party, which also happened to be the day before I flew to Virginia for my cousin's wedding. Happy consuming, folks!

Jacksonville can haz food culture

2010-05-21T16:34:00.006-04:00

An open note to friends (and enemies who nonetheless read my blog): I must apologize to any of you who have been in Jacksonville, Florida in the past 3 weeks who haven't been to two completely fabulous restaurants and one inexpensive & beer-filled brewery. It's all my fault. I should've told you sooner. If there's still time, listen close:

13 Gypsies, a tapas joint with about 7 tables and a menu that manages to encompass cuisines stretching from West Asia to Europe, feels immediately like home -- like a dear friend is cooking for you. A dear friend who specializes in warm, joyful flavors in quintessential combinations, absolutely drinkable sauces, and the freshest, softest, most flavorful grilled flatbread, perfect for soaking everything else up. A dear friend with whom you need to make reservations in advance -- they've got a well-deserved reputation for excellence at extraordinarily fair prices, and especially after being featured on Food Network just this month, 13 Gypsies is going to be booming. I particularly recommend the Roman Gnocchi (cooked in bricks rather than dumpling form), the curries, and ordering a salad so that you have something to cleanse your palate between plates.

I didn't make it into the dining room proper of Orsay, but can tell all omnivores that going to Orsay is imperative due to the lounge alone. Its menu and decor reminded me of Abattoir with a touch more tactile style thanks to the fancier seating & plating -- think if Urban Outfitters were a) actually classy and b) served house-made charcuterie. We shared around several plates during their ludicrously worthwhile cocktail hour (from 4 to 7, all appetizers & cocktails are discounted and raw oysters are half price), and everything was just delightful. I'm still infatuated with their gamey, meaty duck rillette, topped with just enough creamy fat and served in (for serious) the cutest li'l lion-faced pot ever; their lightly roasted oysters, served on the half shell along with bits of bacon to compliment the brine, bits of spinach to compliment the brightness of the meat, and creamy cheese to bind the flavors together; their generous cheese plate; and the priciest raw oysters they had on the menu that day. Their cocktails were all a bit on the sweet side for me, but I'd order their pear jalapeño margarita, layered with flavors of sweet green pear and warming green heat, any time. My other favorite was their Blood Orange Martini, which felt like the least healthy smoothie ever, but I'd save it for a dessert replacement.

When the tap room of Bold City Brewery is open, you can order a sample flight of everything they've got on tap for free, so long as you buy two drinks afterwards. With so much to choose from, direct-to-consumer prices, a friendly (if cramped) crowd, and even some family-style food to purchase if you get hungry, you'll want to stay anyway. My tastes in beer run dark & roasty, but I loved their crisp, clean Killer Whale Cream Ale and complexly floral & citrusy Chinook IPA. I chatted a bit with co-owner & site manager Susan Miller, who said that the scary leap and hard work it's taken to help her son open the brewery has been more rewarding and felt more like fun than anything she ever experienced in corporate management, but hearing it from her was almost superfluous -- the Miller family's passions for good beer and showing people a good time shone in every pint poured and every word spoken by their staff.

And now you know! And knowing is the half of the battle that doesn't involve driving ~5 hours to Jacksonville and eating tasty things while you're there.

restaruant: Canoe's river garden

2010-05-11T08:07:00.002-04:00

Went with a few lovely people to the equally lovely Canoe a couple weeks back on a Wednesday evening -- they're hosting a series of musical evenings out on their lawn, serviced by a brand-new bar on the edge of the river. They've hired my friend Juliana Finch on to manage the music, and built a little stone patio -- just the size for just enough sound equipment to make an acoustic set happen -- for her and the other performers she's bringing in. It was a tad bit chilly that night, but now that it's warmed up past 70 it'll be paradise -- as scenic a view as you'll get of the Chattahoochee framed by Canoe's signature aesthetic style (which mixes enough modernity in with its quaint riverboat concept to make it more posh than kitschy), a staff that's ferociously polite and gracious, handmade cocktails with Springy flavors, and a menu of small plates all sturdy, warming, and portioned to share.

We tried most everything on the riverside menu, and it was all worthwhile. And though still not cheap, it's quite reasonable for Canoe -- we shared 7 dishes and 7 drinks among the 4 of us, and the total bill came just shy of $100. Here's what we tried:

The snacks: The lightly textured edamame hummus tasted bright and green with herbs and garlic, and came with two types of breads for dipping -- one a crisp flatbread and one lightly toasted and chewy. The potted chicken liver pate came with two fruit jellies (one soft and spreadable and one gummi-like) for a contrast of acid, and four triangles of crispy bread for building bites on. The pate was smooth, creamy, and on the light end of the potted meat spectrum (which was nice for the setting), but the bread, despite its good buttery flavor, was the one negative point in the meal for me, too crumbly to handle and with too few slices served to compliment the generous portion of pate.

The sandwiches: The miniature version of their duck & beef burger was juicy and pink; topped with an omg-cute quail egg cooked a perfect over-medium, a slight slather of something mayo-like, and lightly pickled radicchio; came with a small side of storebrand-shaming waffled potato crisps; and mostly made me want to go inside and order the larger one. The roast beef sandwich was possibly my favorite dish of the evening, a combination of bright tomato, earthy cheese, and savory, meltingly thin-sliced beef on bread just crisped & chewy enough to stand up to the toppings. (I adore Canoe's fancy dishes, but their ability to make simple ones glow, gastronomically speaking, is my favorite thing about the place.)

The plates: The smoked salmon served over crunchy grated potato croquettes with creamy caper dressing, one of the dishes I'd tried at their brunch, was just as good as I remembered -- all those different textures and salty, fatty flavors form a highly snackable dish. (We ordered a second plate of it during round 2, and everyone had seconds.) The tiny lamb shortribs were tender and smoky, with complimentary tang provided by the minimally messy sauce and the pickled relish that they come plated with.

The drinks: Their boozy Chai cocktail was a minty and delicately spiced mix of whisky and tea, like a julep gone just a little Bollywood. The bartender sold three of us on a new thing called a Spring Lemongrass, made of cucumber vodka, a light sake, lemongrass syrup, and a curl of lemon peel, which was the most refreshing and scene-appropriate drink we tried. We also ordered two variations of a drink involving lime juice, muddled basil (strained out, yay), and rhubarb bitters -- if you try one, I recommend asking for it with gin instead of vodka for more of a flavor punch.

Being out there on Canoe's lawn, the sun setting behind their lit logo with music and grillworks both wafting, I never would've thought that 6 months previous, flood water rose to the level of their hanging garden lamps and came all the way into their kitchens. Canoe is a restaurant more than recovered -- it's blooming. Go for the music series -- it's running every Wednesday through Friday from now til at least the end of May -- and see for yourself.

event: A Fight to the Death CD release

2010-05-07T13:55:00.005-04:00

Very occasionally I put down my Rock Band mic for long enough to go watch people play actual instruments. Instruments that in no way remind me of Simon. You look dubious about the wisdom inherent in this, and dudes, I know. It has to be worthwhile.

This show will be worthwhile.

Thanks largely to their roaringly successful Kickstarter campaign (small thanks, I have garnered, are also due to whisky & beer), my A Fight to the Death-shaped friends are throwing a release party for their new album, Gesture of a Gentleman, at the Star Bar on Saturday, May 15th. Adron is slated to open with a set starting at 9:00, which in bandtime means that probably they'll go on around 10:00 and AFTTD will start somewhere near 11:30.

AFTTD is what you get when you give high-functioning geeks who like folk & jazz a slap upside the head with a Tesla coil made by gypsies. You can preview/download some of their songs if you don't believe me.

For those who've never been to Star Bar, it's a dive with lane bumpers: small, smoky, and noisy, with stiff drinks, cheap PBR tall-boys, a fairly clean ladies' room, and decent temperature control upstairs. Behold their Elvis shrine while you're waiting for the band to start, step out onto their porch downstairs for fresh air without having to put down your drink, and if their photobooth is working, make yourself a souvenir film strip to cherish/angst about later. If you're offended by paying for parking, find a spot on the street in the residential area behind the bar (I can always find one on Euclid Terrace) and walk a couple blocks.

Come say hi if you see me there!

Finch & Knave, live on stage 5-14-10

2010-05-03T15:13:00.007-04:00

ATTN: People of Atlanta:

If you've been wondering whether this Adam P. Knave cat who I keep talking about working with actually exists in three full dimensions, here's your opportunity to find out! In an exclusive, one-night-only engagement, Mr. Knave will be performing readings of his works and other verbal shenanigans on stage at Java Monkey, the independently owned café and beer bar nestled snug against the social spine of Decatur. He'll be accompanied by one Juliana Finch, who will delight the assembly via her wit and vocal works, being armed only with her vim, verve, and an acoustic guitar.

These wonders, having been Christianed "Forgive Us Our Bus Passes", will begin at 8 o'clock in the evening of Friday, the 14th of May, in this year of minor miracles, 2010! The show is free and open to the public, limited only by the local capacity laws. Come one, come all!

meanwhile, back at the taqueria

2010-04-28T14:24:00.004-04:00

Life has been making it hard to blog! All good stuffs -- dinners with friends and trips to Jacksonville and pokings at projects for Angela and Christopher. I've got a bunch of half-finished food posts to toss at ya over the next several days. Meanwhile, a couple things I missed telling you about:

Adam started posting the rest of the Burrito Blade story on Monday, in short-story format. New bits will be posted every Monday/Wednesday/Friday until we're done.

Adam also posted our newest joint Consumerism Wow venture -- here's a quick preview.

Thing #2

Lauren: First off, can I say that I love how ThinkGeek filed this under “Tech Jewelry”? I love that. But you want this not only because of cute labeling. You want this because the Evil got into your hand, it went “bad”, you had to lop it off, and now you’re stuck in the past where you don’t have access to chainsaw fuel. So you’re going to make this sucker mechanical and fight some more of the Evil dead. Except I’m not sure how you’re getting Internet access in the past, and come to think of it, this is really not the first thing I’d order online if I were trying to fight Evil with temporally limited resources. Not very clever, Adam.

Adam: Oh sure, use my remaining Internet Into The Future time to berate me for my ordering choices. Nice one. No, silly. I want this so that when I go around dope slapping people upside the head it will be a Dope Slap of Dooooom. Dooooooooooom, I tell you! None shall mess with DOOM! Damn that Richards! DAMN HIM TO… Oh, sorry, where was I?

Click through to Adam's blog to see the rest!

alas, poor Burrito

2010-04-20T10:24:00.002-04:00

Many of you who read Burrito Blade, the webcomic drawn by Renato Pastor that I've been editing for and sometimes co-writing with Adam P. Knave for the past year or so, have probably already heard the news: we're not going to be able to continue doing the comic anymore. It feels sad and strange for us to cut our readers off in the middle of a storyline, so we're working on getting the rest of the story out of Adam's head and onto a computer, and we should start posting those abridged storybits at BurritoBlade.com next week.

Working on BB has been an adventure for all of us -- it was the first epic, episodic, ongoing project that any of us had taken part in. I browse through the archives and can see all three of us growing, stretching, and growing again in loops of ever-increasing awesomancy. The story morphed along with us, and our own characters surprised us. I think that in some ways, Burrito Blade outgrew us. I wish I could hit the reset button and start the whole project over again with the experience and confidence that I've gained from working on it -- I feel like I could do it such better justice now.

There'll be new rad projects to bend those skills to, but I'll miss Burrito Blade. Here's sending all the soft tortilla-wrapped thanks in the world to Adam and Renato for having me on the project, with a spicy side of gratitude to Maria and D. J. for having our backs.

And hey, thank you, reader, for making room for our story in your life. I hope we'll be able to give you a new one to fill the gap we're leaving, and soon.

EAV and Morningside eating

2010-04-16T13:55:00.006-04:00

I got out to Rosebud with some ladyfriends a couple weeks back… it was the very beginning of patio season, and theirs is a gorgeous one. My entrée of free-form pork ravioli in a smoky, slightly sweet mushroom gravy was too heavy and altogether soft for my tastes, but my friend's duck risotto with sage was bright, earthy, and al dente, just the thing for open-air dining. The real gem of the evening was our appetizer of duck & sweet potato croquettes, served with sharp and creamy goat cheese and a spicy-sweet dipping sauce. I could've eaten a whole meal worth of that. The cocktails I tried, one a gin, ginger, and blueberry cider martini (called a Blue Philly) and one a lavender-infused gin & tonic with a bit of egg white foam (called a Bathtub Gin), both lacked flavor punch but were dangerously smooth and drinkable.

Still in the throes of my Spring patio love affair, I got out to the EARL for lunch -- I'd only ever been there for a) Sunday brunch, and b) ridiculously drank concerts. Don't let the double-plus divey dive-bar part fool you -- the EARL serves better pub fare than most restaurants. My black bean burger was a bit too moist & soft (read: fresh) to stay together in its tender (read: also fresh) bun, but it was so tasty that I didn't mind. I ordered it with their Guacamole Burger toppings (guac, cheddar, & salsa), which were a terrific compliment to the slightly spiced, grill-kissed black bean patty. Their sweet potato fries (which they don't charge extra for as a side) were excellent -- thick-cut, crisp & crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside, and salted -- and the cranberry horseradish sauce that they came with was punchy-hot and more bitter than sweet, which provided an I-can't-believe-more-places-don't-do-this contrast to the flavor of the sweet potatoes. I think I just had a Terrapin Rye, but they've got a full bar (durr, see above re: drank).

In a rare in-EAV-for-the-second-time-in-a-week occurrence, I stopped in at East Atlanta Thai & Sushi (which always seems to be playing Latin music -- I sorta adore cultural schizophrenia) on a Monday night and sampled their dollar sushi menu. It was actually $2 for 2 pieces of selected nigiri or a 6-piece maki, which, despite some technical inconsistencies with the advertisement, is still a great deal. They didn't skimp on the cuts of fish, which were all of perfectly acceptable quality. The salmon was particularly nice, and the spicy tuna roll was non-creamy and sinus-clearing. A few nitpicks: their edamame was a bit undersalted, their wakame salad was a bit over-sesame oil'd, and their sushi rice was overchilled. But if you're in the area and looking for an inexpensive, sushi-laden meal, it's a thing I'd recommend. Bring your best banter -- the chef (who slipped me an extra pair of tuna nigiri, which I love him for) can be boisterous. I didn't have any drinks, but they have a full bar.

homegrown comedy semifinals tonight

2010-04-14T09:32:00.002-04:00

Remember how my friend Thomas Jenkins was entering Laughing Skull Lounge's Homegrown comedy competition? Well, enter he did! And he made it to the semifinals! See, other people DO think he's funny. The aforementioned semifinals are happening tonight (Wednesday, April 14th) at 8:00 pm at the Laughing Skull Lounge -- which is hidden behind the bathrooms in the Midtown location of The Vortex and is possessed of as much hipstier-than-thou insolence as you'd expect from a Vortex affiliate. There's a $10 cover (cash only) AND a two-drink minimum (also cash only, with a menu limited to basic beers and liquors, and starting at 2 or 3 bucks for bottled water), and no food is served in the Lounge. Um, honestly I can't recommend the location (I put up with the Vortex 'tude from people who work in Litte 5; people who work some 600 feet from the Margaret Mitchell House get less leeway), but I'm psyched for Thomas and the other kids who're competing, so I'll be there. The winners from this round will perform at the Atlanta Dogwood Festival this weekend! You should come out, too?

road trip & birthdays: HUGE SUCCESS

2010-04-09T13:46:00.005-04:00

A certain dreamthrum and I road tripped down to Florida a couple weekends ago for our friends Maria and Mr. Melee's (completely rockin' karaoke booth) birthday party. Goofy pictures forthcoming -- though you can spot a couple on Maria's blog. (That was Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" we're singing in this photo. I really, really wish I could know what line that was picture was snapped during, 'cause it was apparently v. serious.) In the meanwhile, a few places that made the trip nearly as rockin' as a dozen mostly sober adults completely nailing The Humpty Dance:

Young Blood Gallery & Boutique, Poncey Highlands, Atlanta, Georgia
I do a lot of gift shopping for like-mindedly indie-chic geeks at Young Blood Gallery 'cause they carry pop-punky household items, art, t-shirts, jewelry, and accessories that're handmade by mostly local artists and crafters. It's a sort of the Best Of Etsy In 3 Dimensions, so my friends get one-of-a-kind gifts and I get to support rad creative people. Win all around. This time, I found a shirt for Mr. Melee featuring a giant plant destroying a city (in the style of Audrey II?) and a block-print cupcake tea towel and a pretty, leafy silver necklace for Maria (none of which are featured in their online store, or I'd link you to them.) There are sometimes even parking spots available out front. Check the sale table by the cash register for reasonable prices on shiny things.

A New Deal Cafe, Gainesville, Florida
Adjacent to Mildred's Big City Food, New Deal has longer hours and a lighter menu (lighter on the belly & the wallet), but shares a lot of Mildred's highfalutin' kitchen & waitstaff. They feature local ingredients and have an incredibly craveable dessert selection. Also, they gave me an I've-been-living-in-Atlanta-too-long wake-up call: We ordered fried squidbits, a tasty if overly toasted sandwich, the seafood special (a creamy, just-tender risotto with shrimp & andouille), 2 double espressos (road fuel), and a big slice of Chocolate Corruption cake for Maria. And our bill was like 40bux. So, yeah. It's maybe 10 minutes in off of I75, but completely worthwhile. Especially during patio weather. If you save room for dessert, one of my favorite things on this planet is their Chocolate Mousse Bombe, but you shouldn't try a slice unless you want to be addicted for life.

Ha Long Bay Vietnamese Cuisine & Dim Sum, St. Petersburg, Florida
We go to Ha Long Bay for dim sum every time I'm in St. Pete, and their steamed buns are some of the best I've ever had. We always go for late breakfast/early lunch, get iced coffees (the kind that come as a sort of DIY kit, with a tiny single-serving brewing pod of the strongest coffee imaginable laced with sweetened condensed milk, a long spoon, and a glass of ice) that I promptly crack myself out on, squee about the adorable toddlers there with their families, order too much food, and receive stern judgment from the creatures temporarily living in the wall of aquariums that separate the far end of the dining room from the kitchen. If you go, you must order the steamed barbecue pork buns (caramelized chunks of pork in a smoky-sweet sauce, encased by perfect pillowy bread), the steamed ginger-pork dumplings (bright and juicy ground pork and ginger in a delicate wonton wrapper), the fried rice-dough dumplings (piquant ground pork and leeks wrapped in my favorite-ever thick, chewy rice dough with a crisp, crackly outer coating), and the steamed custard buns (creamy, uberthick custard in that terrific pillowy bread). Mix your own dipping sauce from the vinegar, soy, and chili paste on the table, and don't be afraid to ask for explanations when choosing dishes from the friendly cart attendants (the young man who works there speaks the best English, but all of the waiters are happy to help).

Kroaky's Karaoke, Sarasota, Florida
Recently taken over by a tiny lady manager who kicks proverbial ass, Kroaky's has both a public stage and private rooms for karaoke. Maria & Mr. Melee rented one of those private rooms -- basically a huge table with wrap-around booth seating but with full walls for privacy, on one of which a flatscreen is mounted. Though the controls for the system were a little counterintuitive and most of us were at least a little inebriated, we killed about as much Bon Jovi, Journey, Lady Gaga, Little Mermaid, Fergie, Fiona Apple, Deee-lite, and Little Shop of Horrors as you might imagine a group of dorktacular 20 & 30-somethings would. Their song selection is extensive -- the only thing we really missed was RENT, which, honestly, was maybe better for the Universe anyway. The wait staff were attentive to and genuinely amused by us, the drinks (non-liquor only) were reasonably priced (including awesome beer specials, like $3 Abita and Terrapin bottles), the room was clean and well-ventilated, and although we didn't try anything from their food menu, it did exist. If you like the singing part of karaoke but are hesitant about the being-on-stage part, I highly recommend finding a place with booths as nice as the ones at Kroaky's. And friends who rock as hard as ours. Though if you have to settle for slightly less-rockin' friends, no one will blame you.

chocolate as only the '80s could do

2010-04-06T07:54:00.008-04:00

Just a quick note of foreshadowing:

Occasionally my Jewish grandmother sends me things that she's had around for a while and thinks I'll dig. (I'll favor you with a picture of her fabulous vintage '60s aprons as soon as I can set up an appropriately Mad Men/Bioshock-y photoshoot.) Last week, she sent three back issues of Chocolatier magazine (which has apparently become DessertProfessional.com in the meanwhile) from 1985 and 1986.

Oh yes. 1985 & '86. You know what that means. And if you don't know what that means, allow me to demonstrate via a snapshot of a featured spread from the Autumn 1985 issue:

There's gonna be a mousse party up in here.

girl talk thursday friday: wearing awesome stuff

2010-04-02T08:07:00.009-04:00

I haven't written an entry for Girl Talk Thursday in… 29 weeks. That's more than two, which is a lot. I'm chiming in on this one 'cause it's a thing that buzzes around in my brain a lot but rarely comes to the forefront of my thoughts, and I'm trying to change that. 'Cause feeling sexy/powerful/awesome is, well, awesome, and what I'm wearing hella crazy affects whether I feel those ways. (This is something I possibly only became aware of in the past 3 years. Guys, it's an excellent thing to be aware of. Even if it leads me to arrive late to every social event I'm nervous about [aka most of them] 'cause I feel that if I can just find the perfect outfit, everything else will fall into place.) So, what makes me feel sexy/powerful/awesome?

Dresses + heels. This one occasionally makes the feminist in me want to punch the Universe in the face, but for serious, strangers treat me differently -- more respectfully and graciously -- when I bother to put on a well-fitting dress and a pair of heels. This leads to my feeling like some kind of adult human being, which is an elusive thing for me so I sorta bask in it when it happens.

Cute bras that fit really well. Okay, so I'm busty. You might think this is auto-awesome. But with the wrong bra, it's less sexy and more saggy/slouchy. For years I thought that my only two choices were to a) wear a cute, padded, boob-wrangling bra that fits poorly and makes me uncomfortable or b) wear a huge, full-coverage, unpadded bra that technically fits but makes me feel like an old lady. And then I spent two hours trying on everything in Macy's lingerie department that seemed vaguely cute and me-sized, regardless of price. I tried a few different band and cup sizes with each brand and model, 'cause even with sizes that are ostensibly measured in something so concrete as inches, there was noticeable variance. And I found a couple bras that are cute and fit me, both, and I splurged on them and brought my lunch to work a few extra times over the next few weeks. They make my clothes fit better. Seriously, best time & money ever spent.

Weird jewelry. My day-to-day jewelry collection is a conglomeration of odd things I've made wearable (like old keys, transistors, and bits of ribbon), geeky handmade things (like my glass squid pendant or typewriter key earrings), and artsy things I inherited from my mother (think deco nouveau). I love feeling creative, supporting independent artists, and wearing things that have stories and memories behind them. And I suppose this is a little postmodern of me, but I love featuring the beauty of everyday objects. Things don't have to be new or expensive to be pretty! And when I wear weird jewelry as ornaments to classy work outfits, I feel less like The Man.

Chunky boots. I know, this is so 1995 of me, but I heart my Docs and riding boots. Steel toes and one-inch heels make me feel like I can take on the world.

So what do you wear that makes you feel sexy/powerful/awesome?

recipe: lemon-almond-lavender cookies

2010-03-23T08:53:00.005-04:00

My friend Melissa keeps bringing me things from Mountain Farm, a lavender, blueberry, and dairy goat farm (quite possibly the best combination of anything ever) up in North Carolina. I highly recommend their goat milk soaps. Unless you are hungry, in which case I recommend not their soaps, no matter how delicious the green tea & ginger one smells. 'Cause they also sell culinary-grade lavender (I've also found this hidden in with the tubs of looseleaf tea at Dekalb Farmer's Market if you're in the area), which is brilliant in (who knew) tea and baked goods. And supposedly in savory applications as well.

Inspired by a recipe in the little cook booklet Melissa brought me after her last trip to Mountain Farm, I decided that lavender cookies needed to happen. I based the dough on my snickerdoodle recipe 'cause I wanted something chewy, and decided to add a lot of almond meal and lemon zest because lavender is so powerfully herbal that I figured two other bitter flavors might help mellow it out. I adore the result -- these cookies are buttery & chewy, with a lovely hint of bitterness from the lemon & lavender and a sweet toastiness from the almond meal. Too delicate for coffee, I think they'd be perfect with a cup of black tea. Perhaps with a bit of lavender brewed in?

The recipe works really well with rice flour instead of wheat flour, too! I made a batch for a friend who had recently discovered that she has a wheat allergy, and although they were a bit crumbly right out of the oven, they firmed up into perfect chewiness the following day. I think the extra fat content from the almond meal helped. (Gluten-free baking tip: Always sift your wheat-alternate flour before baking with it, especially if it's ricey. It'll help get any super-grainy bits out.)

Lemon-Almond-Lavender Cookies
Makes 2 to 3 dozen

INGREDIENTS

1.5 tsp dried lavender buds, minced fine
1 lemon worth of zest (~1 tbsp), minced
1/3 cup almond meal (store-bought or home-ground from blanched [skinless] almonds -- grind first, then measure)
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cream of tartar (if you don't have this, omit the baking soda and use 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder to substitute for both)
1/8 tsp salt

8 tbsp (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup granulated white sugar
1 egg, room temperature
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp amaretto, if you happen to have some (a teensy dash of almond extract might not go awry as a substitution for this -- maybe 1/4 tsp?)

~1/4 cup granulated white sugar for rolling the cookies in
An extra few pinches of lavender buds for decoration

METHOD

A half hour before you get started, set out your egg & butter so they'll start warming to room temperature. (Should you forget to do this like I usually do, ten seconds in the microwave will soften the butter, but there's no helping the egg. The tops of the cookies will be a little less crackly, is all.)

When you're ready to go, set your oven preheating to 400 degrees F. And butter & flour your baking sheet, if that's your thing. I sort of like buttering & flouring everything I bake on these days.

Combine your dry ingredients (lavender, zest, almond meal, flour, salt, and leavening agent/s) in a medium bowl and gently whisk until everything is thoroughly combined. As few lumps as possible!

In a larger bowl, add you butter and sugar. Using an electric beater on medium speed, cream them together for 2 minutes -- you're looking for a lighter color and increased volume. Add your egg, lemon juice, and any amaretto/almond extract you're using and hit the batter with the beater for another minute to incorporate them evenly.

Add your dry ingredients to your wet ingredients and mix manually with a spoon to combine. No dry pockets!

Place your extra ~1/4 cup of sugar in a small dish or on a small plate. Take a rounded teaspoon of dough from the bowl and roll it into a ball in your hands, then roll it around in the sugar to coat. I've found that these bake more evenly and awesomely when they're flattened a bit -- you can either press each ball into a sort of scallop-shaped disk with your fingers or just put a thumbprint in each as you place them on the baking sheet. A few inches apart, yes. Sprinkle two or three lavender buds on top of each cookie.

Bake for 8-10 minutes (I needed only 8.5). You can tell these are done when they're golden around the edge and look dry on top. Also, they'll be more springy than mushy if you poke the top with a finger.

Allow the cookies to cool for a couple minutes on the baking sheet, then remove them to a wire rack until they're cool enough to remove to ~~your belly~~ a decorative plate that you will obviously share with your friends.

These keep very well in a sealed container for two or three days. If you'd like to make the dough ahead, you could seal it up and refrigerate it for up to a week or freeze it for up to 3 months, sans sugar coating, and then coat & bake on demand.

consumerism wow: underpants

2010-03-17T08:42:00.002-04:00

If you, like me, enjoy wearing ladies' underpants, perhaps you will be interested in these fine-looking products that I've been coveting.

I think that a lot of slogany t-shirts are silly. I don't really want people stopping what they're doing to read my chest! And what if they, having stopped to read my chest, think that my sense of humor is dumb and then have negative feelings about my me and my chest? Yeah, I'll take some graphical images on my t-shirts. But by the time someone has gotten to the point where they're going to see my underpants, man, it's a brave new world! They can take all the time they want to read any hilarious slogans they find there. And chances are that if they've gotten my pants into the "off" position, either they share my sense of humor or kindly tolerate it. I will take all of the slogany underpants. I like these "I'm blogging this." slogany underpants in particular because they are so blatantly untrue. Yes, I want my underpants to lie to you. By ThinkGeek (who are good people), these cost $7.99 apiece and ship via UPS, and come in a few other slogans.

Right now I really, really want this silly thong with lace and cupcakes by Honeydew. I have a pair of pineapple ruffly underpants from them, and they're not what I'd call strictly practical, but they. are. so. cute. (Like these strawberry ruffly underpants, but with pineapples instead [hungry model girl not included].) Any underpants that make me wanna shake my butt whenever I apply them are, according to me, Ultimate Underpants. The waistbands in that ruffly rumba style of theirs run a little tight, but their mesh boy short style is crazy stretchy and flattering. I'm betting that this thong is nice & stretchy, too. It'll set you back $14.00, and ships via your choice of UPS or USPS. (A Note of Warning: Honeydew's website is the worst site I've attempted to deal with since possibly Geocities. Maybe you want to do like I did and find these in your local Nordstrom, Dillard's, or Bloomies.)

Now, unlike the abovementioned companies, Lucy B is one I've had no experience with -- I heard about them through PinupGirlClothing.com, which I sometimes love for Internet window shopping. But Lucy B works with hugely crushable & perpetually cheery cheesecake model Bernie Dexter, and they make underpants with pulp comics on them, so I figure they've gotta be rad. (These also come in a style with fuller coverage and leopard-print side panels, but the only photograph of them is teensy, so I can't properly covet them. The photograph has made me covet adorable pinup models in laundry carts, however.) They run $32.00 (eesh) apiece, and ship via USPS Priority for a flat rate of $7.00.

And hey, a note to readers: If you own anything that I've featured on Consumerism Wow, let me know how it's working out for you! (Y'know, how's the quality? Do you get comments about it?) If you send me a picture of yourself with/wearing the product, I'll post it! Unless the product is underpants. I am sure you are a lovely person with many good qualities, but I do not want to receive any pictures of you in your underpants, no matter how completely rad those underpants happen to be. (Exceptions made ONLY for underpants being worn superhero-style. I'm talking superhero-style like Batman circa The Animated Series, not like Emma Frost circa her entire existence. One of these characters is a triflin' ho, and the other is a triflin' ho who dresses like she's proud of it. Moral of the story: Emulate Batman, kids; he's a classy ho.)

Also, if you're a person who makes something that, according to an educated hunch, you think I'd dig, tell me about it! After all, I cannot be everywhere on the Internet all the time. I'm not Warren Ellis. Doesn't matter if you're an independent crafter rather than a big ol' store -- I'd love to feature some homemade products!

good comedy, good food, and killin' digital stuff

2010-03-10T17:55:00.004-05:00

Some things that I may or may not be doing this week:

* Playing Halo on a day other than Wednesday. Shocking, I know! (I usually play every week on Wednesday nights 'cause sticking plasma grenades to digital people prevents me from needing to stick plasma grenades to real people. If you ever want to join me, friend me on Xbox Live and drop me a note -- gamertag: your emo kid. With spaces, yes. You wouldn't know it from being on Live, but Xbox does allow grammar to happen in gamertags.) This is because I'll be:

* Cheering for my friend Thomas Jenkins at the Laughing Skull during the first night of the Dogwood Homegrown Comedy Binge tonight. Which is going on at The Vortex Midtown from 7:30 to 10:30 (or thereabouts), with a $10 cover. I'm glad it's at The Vortex 'cause I've been craving tasty beers in general and tripels specifically, which I won't need in order to sit through Thomas's set (I'm so. blessed. that all of my performer friends are actually talented), but will certainly welcome after what feels like a 2-week-long first half of a work week. You should come!

* Making reservations for dinner at one of the restaurants participating in Inman Park Restaurant Week. It goes through Sunday the 14th! I love gigs like this 'cause they encourage me to try new places and actually get a sampling of the menu -- usually when I'm out to eat, I'll have my entrée and maybe try a bite of someone else's, but won't go for the apps or desserts. Smaller portions of more things for reasonable prices = The Ultimate Lauren Dining Experience. (If you're thinking of going, I personally recommend Wisteria, which does really lovely things with pork and, separately, chocolate.)

* Avoiding spending my entire day Bejeweling on my phone. Guys I never should have bought that game. I have a Bejeweled problem. When I close my eyes, I see the afterburns of gem stacks on my eyelids. [Which is still better than how I get when I've been playing too much Bioshock (i.e., dreaming about being armed only with a length of pipe and having, as my only plasmid, the power to grow a length of pipe out of my arm, which is useful right up until I'm not Wolverine and run into a splicer wielding a machine gun) or Katamari Damancy (i.e., driving around thinking that I should be rolling up the pedestrians and street signs)].

What've you got goin' on, gentle readers? Anything in Atlanta that I should add to my list?

recipe: chocolate Guinness cookies

2010-03-08T13:18:00.005-05:00

I made these beer-flavored cookies for the Great Guinness Toast a couple weeks ago. The recipe is cobbled together from my double-chocolate bacon cookie base and this White Beer Cookie recipe from an episode of Ultimate Recipe Showdown on Food Network that I never watched, but discovered anyway through the wonderment of Google dot com.

They took a bit of trial and error -- I wound up using sugar in the beer syrup instead of honey (which overpowered the Guinness), and my attempt to compensate for the sugary beer syrup by adding less sugar to the dough created tiny cakes rather than less-sweet cookies. (I do the Science so you don't have to.) The end result was a cookie with a hit of chocolate at first taste and an addictively bitter bite at the back of the palate. They go perfect with a pint! And if you're looking to bring something to a St. Patrick's Day party, I can guarantee that adding stout to cookies will make them more Irish than green food coloring.

Chocolate Guinness Cookies
Makes ~24 cookies. Adapted from Kathy's chocolate cookie recipe on Allrecipes.com and from Sean LaFond's White Beer Cookies, with thanks to Sarah's Sweet Tooth for testing.

INGREDIENTS

Guinness syrup

2 bottles of Guinness (12 oz each)
5 tbsp sugar

Cookies

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
2/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 egg, room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or 1/2 a vanilla pod, scraped)
1/3 cup prepared Guinness syrup

3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda [NOTE: If you're using Dutch-process (aka pre-alkalized) cocoa powder, you should use baking POWDER instead. Otherwise you'll end up with oven-baked pancakes.]

1 tbsp powdered (confectioner's) sugar for pretty

METHOD

Set out your butter and egg first to allow them to start warming up to room temperature.

For the Guinness syrup, pour both bottles of beer into a small saucepan and add the sugar. Set the pan over medium-high heat and bring the liquid to a boil, stirring to help the sugar dissolve. When the liquid hits a boil, lower the heat to a busy simmer and let the liquid reduce to a syrup, stirring more than occasionally but less than frequently. It'll take 20 minutes or more -- you're looking for it to become a rich amber color, and gain the consistency of thin honey or thick maple syrup. Also, it'll begin foaming really aggressively when you stir it (more aggressively than that... wait for it...) and will be almost exactly 1/3 cup in volume.

Take the saucepan off the heat and transfer the syrup to a small dish to allow it to cool down.

Get your oven preheating to 350.

In a medium mixing bowl, combine your dry ingredients (flour, cocoa, baking powder or soda, and salt) and stir with a whisk to fully incorporate. (This helps break up any clumps and get the leavening agent fully distributed.)

In a large mixing bowl, combine your softened butter (you can just nuke it for a few seconds if, like some authors of this recipe, you forgot to set it out earlier) and your white & brown sugars. Cream them together with an electric blender on medium speed for 2-3 minutes, until the mixture has lightened in color and begun to hold the wavey shapes that the beaters sculpt it into as they pass through it. Add your vanilla, egg, and Guinness syrup, and blend for another minute or so until everything is incorporated.

Put down the beater! You'll want to use a spoon or spatula for this next part so that you don't overwork the flour. Add the dry mixture to the wet mixture and stir gently (but, y'know, firmly) until no dry pockets remain. The dough will be sticky.

Butter and flour a baking sheet (unless it's REALLY high-quality nonstick). Roll a rounded teaspoonful of dough into a ball in your hands and then flatten it slightly before placing it on the sheet, and repeat until you fill the sheet, leaving a couple inches between each cookie. (If you don't like getting your hands dirty, you can drop the dough onto the sheet directly from the spoon and flatten it slightly once it's on there, but I find that they come off easier when you do the flattening beforehand.)

Pop the sheet in the oven and bake for 8-10 minutes, or until the tops of the cookies look dry and provide a bit of springy resistance when you poke them (carefully, folks) with a fingertip. Remove the sheet from the oven and allow the cookies to continue cooking on it for a couple minutes before transferring them to a rack (preferred) or plate (less preferred) to cool.

For the pretty: Once the cookies are cool to the touch, put maybe a tablespoon of powdered sugar in a fine mesh sieve and hold the sieve over the plate of cookies. Tap the edge of the sieve to dust the powder onto the cookies. Pretty! (If you're feeling more ambitious than I was that night, a perfect topping/decoration might be a drizzle of white chocolate. Maybe with a bit of Irish cream mixed in carefully as the chocolate cools?)

I can't tell you how they hold up after the first day 'cause none of them survived the night. If you find out, you tell me. (Hypothetically, they should do okay in a sealed container for a day or two before they start going stale, and 10 seconds or so in a microwave should help perk them up after that.)

consumerism wow: smelly stuff

2010-02-26T08:30:00.005-05:00

At some point in my early 20s, I decided that some girly things -- such as the color pink (especially on Xbox controllers), glitter (especially on stickers that you put on Xbox controllers), and froofy bath products (entirely unrelated to Xbox controllers) -- actually are awesome. This decision extended to perfume once I discovered that some perfumes don't smell like old ladies and won't ever be forcibly applied to my eyeballs by helpful saleswomen in department stores. Soon after, I discovered that some perfumes are made by geeks, for geeks, and I was done for. Guys, I have a perfume stash. And I want more. Right now, specifically:

The limited edition perfume oil Smut 2010 by Elizabeth Barrial at the goth/dork-chic Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (BPAL). Beth puts out several sets of limited edition scents every year, in addition to the several hundred general catalog scents she sells at BPAL (and Twilight Alchemy Lab, Dark Delicacies, the CBLDF, and etc.). Smut is from her Lupercalia line, which will be available until March 31st this year. She does a Lupercalia line every year, but hasn't put out a version of Smut for the past two or three, and I was starting to panic that she'd gotten bored with it and wasn't going to bring it back. Because it smells like sugar & musk and everything ~~nice~~ naughty, and I need it for life. Though it's way too powerful for day wear, it's my favorite scent to wear at night with something slinky if I'm heading to a bar or out dancing. A 5 ml bottle runs $17.50 and should be used so, so sparingly that it'll last for years. (Though BPAL does offer samples -- imp's ears -- of its general catalog for $3.50 apiece or 6 for $19.50, no such thing is available for limited edition scents. But you can find fan-decanted samples on ebay & etc., and if you're in the Atlanta or LA/Burbank areas, you can sniff & sample everything at monthly Will Calls, on or near the full moon, of course. [Hint: The next full moon is this weekend, folks.]) Ordering from the website will garner a couple random imp's ears per bottle purchased, and shipping (via USPS) will run you a flat $6.50 and may take a few weeks, as they hand-blend everything fresh and always have orders in queue.

Okay, I sorta cheated the concept of Consumerism Wow with that last one 'cause I've sampled previous versions of Smut, but here's a thing I've been properly admiring from afar: the entire line of Brooke's Villainess scents, though perhaps particularly Blood, Villainess, Shanghaied, Ginger Snapped, Dulces en Fuego, Jai Mahal, Pearl Diver, and Silk & Cyanide. Also falling under the category of goth/dork-chic, the inspirations for the Villainess line are a wee bit less esoteric than BPAL's tend to be, but, y'know, I'm not always looking for my perfumes to challenge my vocabulary and reading level. And they offer a good bit of their general catalog not only as $16-a-pop perfume oils in holy-whoa-kickass apothecary bottles, but also as bars of soap (hiIhaveasoapfetish), and jars of soft soap, body scrub, lotion, and masque. They also do limited edition thingies, and offer samples of their scents in soap format for a buck apiece (and two come free with every order). Shipping (via USPS) should run you the actual cost of shipping an item of the weight of your order to the address where you want to receive it.

My third, incongruously ungothy scent desire is a great deal of what Christopher Brosius creates for his CB I Hate Perfume line (mostly Russian Caravan Tea, Memory of Kindness, and November, but really I want to sniff them all). Brosius is also the dude responsible for my-favorite-person-ever-Alan Cumming's tongue-so-much-in-cheek-it-looks-like-a-rude-gesture scent line, Cumming [video link to hilarious adorable commercial], which is how I heard of CB I Hate Perfume a couple years back. (Cumming seems to be out of scent-print now, though is still available if you poke around for it.) And THAT is how I came to spend perhaps a few hours obsessively clicking through every scent note on the CB site. If I had a time-traveling pogo stick and whole moneypile sitting around that I had nothing in particular planned for, I'd so totally pogo up to New York and buy myself a custom-blended scent as of a couple years ago, and it'd smell like cookies baking + scotch + earl grey tea + sexylady. But lacking such a moneypile (and the skills necessary to pogo 878 miles and through time), I'll merely consider ordering one each (over the course of, say, the next 50 years) of his 2-ml "travel size" perfume samples, which run $12-$21 and ship via UPS.

Norman PhartEphant, Young Augustine's, and the Best Things Ever

2010-02-16T19:02:00.009-05:00

The 2010 Toy Fair opened this Sunday, and my fancy New York momma friend Angela is hypothetically there promoting her creation, Norman PhartEphant. Yes. A plush elephant that will make one of eight different farting noises each time you squeeze his tail.

He's a little bit embarrassed about it. (But it's not his fault! He's an African elephant that was adopted by a U.S. zoo, and the change in diet has lead to gastrointestinal difficulties.)

Angela's also writing a series of picture books about Norman, which I've been copy editing in exchange for dinners and purses. It's a good gig, and Norman's a toy that I highly recommend for anyone who likes soft, cuddly elephants and/or who has a sense of humor that frequently involves flatulence. Say hi to Angela for me if you happen to find her at the Fair! She'll probably be registered under the name of her company, Fierce Fun Toys.

Best restaurant news of the week is that chef Andy Gonzalez from Steinbeck's, aka Lauren's Favorite Restaurant in Atlanta That Is Very Very Small, is helping revamp The Standard space into what shall be known as Young Augustine's. They've started posting news snippets on Facebook, including an opening menu that sounds very much in the style of (though happily more extensive than) Steinbeck's: gastropubized comfort food from multiple cultural components of Atlanta's cuisine, including Southern, Mexican, Vietnamese, Korean, Chinese, and Indian concepts. I'm actually looking forward to driving all the way down there when it opens.

Also, a thing I've been anticipating ever since I graduated from UF's undergrad creative writing program has finally happened. No, That Prof isn't dead yet. That'd be rad, but this is radder: One of my writing workshop classmates has gotten a book of short fiction published, and it's getting the kind of reviews that make me feel like a total writing slacker. If it were anyone less talented or friendly than Justin D. Taylor, I might be upset. (While I was busy angsting about class deadlines and being a proportionally compact spaz, he was turning in consistently good work and inviting me to parties that I never attended 'cause, yeah, spaz.) I haven't read Everything Here Is the Best Thing Ever yet 'cause my copy's in the mail, so I can't recommend it personally or with extreme accuracy, but I suspect I'll be able to do so soon. In the meanwhile, you can read a story from the collection and form your own opinions.

review: Dead Men's Boots

2010-02-12T16:53:00.004-05:00

Just finished Dead Men's Boots, which is the third book in Mike Carey's Felix Castor series, which is turning out to be an upstanding addition to the supernatural noir thriller trend. I was a little dubious about the first book, The Devil You Know -- although I'd enjoyed most of Carey's run of Hellblazer, upon discovering that he'd written a novel set in London about a hard-boiled blue-collar magician-for-hire who hailed from Liverpool, wore a trenchcoat, chain smoked, had a tragic history of getting his friends well and truly fucked, was so rakish that he still got along well with The Ladies despite maybe not laundering his clothes ever, and was not supposed to be John Constantine, well. Like I said, dubious.

It turned out that I enjoy portrayals of John Constantine so much (he's my inappropriate comic book boyfriend) that I don't mind when he's not called John Constantine. Castor is everything you want in an antihero -- cocky and fallible, the sort of too-clever-for-his-own-good that gets him both into trouble and out of it again. And Carey's non-Hellblazer-related, alternate-reality setting of a modern world in which the undead are widely rising and exorcists are part of the workforce struck me as deliciously uncomfortable and unpleasant. (I think that I like supernatural noir so much because it's so unpleasant. It's a sort of escapism in which you get to set down the book and think, "Well, sure my life sucks, but I haven't had any extensive bodily damage, death threats, or demon uprisings to cope with today. Win!")

I found the first two books (with Vicious Circle following The Devil You Know) fun but a bit clumsy, as though Carey hadn't quite gained his novel-legs yet. Dead Men's Boots is better (oh I didn't mean for this to be a pun) executed. The plotline has more frays but a tighter wind -- it kept me guessing but drew everything in neatly (if messily, entrails-wise) at the end. The sex & violence are more purposeful -- sleaze and shock value are important elements in noir, but I didn't find those elements to be exploitive in Dead Men's Boots. (That is, the violence is graphic but not lovingly detailed, and I think Castor, as the first-person narrator, has grown up a bit since the first book and become more self-aware about sex & sexuality. Importantly for sometimes-angry-feminist-me, Carey portrays the male and female rapes that occur as violent acts rather than sexual ones.) And the characters in the book, both men and women, are more sympathetic and whole. The language in Dead Men's Boots is well-wrought, intelligent, extensively British (kudos to the US publisher for not noticeably Americanizing Castor's vocabulary), and dense with pop culture references both modern and classic, literary and musical, dorky and mainstream. It's campy and silly, but it does what it sets out to do -- entertain, darkly -- very well.

What I'm really hoping is that someone turns Dead Men's Boots into a film or premium cable series -- as dark, sexy, funny, and thrilling as it is, it seems made for motion picture. With the right person working the musical score (Castor's method of doing magic constitutes playing a tin whistle), a creature/effects department with the requisite amount of latex and unwillingness to pull punches, and a lead actor who is in no way Keanu Reeves, it could be glorious.

If you're an unsqueamish fan of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files books or Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse series but think you'd appreciate something a little bit chewier in the supernatural noir genre, you should pick up something from the Felix Castor series. Start at the beginning for maximum backstory or dive right into the third book -- Carey catches you up quick. Or try a volume of Hellblazer -- Original Sins is the beginning of the series, but my favorite bits are the ones written by Garth Ennis, starting with Dangerous Habits.

the writing process as it relates to interdimensional kittens and moneyhats

2010-02-10T08:40:00.004-05:00

One terrific thing about knowing Adam P. Knave is that sometimes, during the course of normal conversation, perhaps after discussing ReBoot but before anyone brings up the business you're actually supposed to be talking about, some word or phrase will Happen. And it'll Happen in the way that it expands with incredible speed and mass, Universe-style, until it's a whole idea. And you'll bat this huge idea-thing back and forth with Adam like the interdimensional kittens that both of you are, and then drop it suddenly and pervasively and get down to the business at hand.

But that idea-thing will still be floating around out there, and Adam's way of reminding you of its continued existence involves contacting people who can draw, asking them if they'd like to work on a new comic book involving the idea-thing, and getting those people to say "yes". So, though a bit mystified about what's happening to your life, you'll find yourself writing and editing bits of comic book script in your spare time, and then using those bits along with Adam's to form a complete script, and then emailing the script to whatever agreeable drawing person he's found. And then, following the artist's recovery from rickets as appropriate, you'll receive mere sketches -- simple layouts -- from that artist, based on the script that you and Adam wrote, that will make you all at once (A) unspeakably excited about this project-thing, as you began to think of it while you were writing the script, and (B) unalterably certain that you're unable to say anything about to anyone yet because, really, it's still just an idea-thing, even if it has the mass and size and brain it needs to convince you it's a project-thing.

So all you can do is write obtuse and roundabout things regarding the creative process on your blog, and hope that soon, sooner than soon, the wonderful drawing person will send you & Adam whole complete pages that you'll be able to submit to a publisher who will say, "How terrific! I was just hoping that I would receive a comic book just like this! Fred, wasn't I just hoping that? Oh, don’t mind Fred, his iguana ate his neighbor's cat this morning and he's very distraught, even though the cat was a mean-spirited creature and absolutely deserved what it got, and Fred's neighbor has gone on record with the Times saying that she was going to have the cat put down tomorrow for biting her so repeatedly. Fred's just sensitive. But yes! Your comic book! Thank you for submitting it. I'm going to publish it and we shall make such fabulous amounts of money that we shall all pay off our debts and have enough cash left over to fold up and wear as hats! And so we will be loved and celebrated for not only our artistic endeavors, but also for our extremely sharp and modern moneyhats."

I'll tell you when I get that call.

While you're waiting, breath held or otherwise, you should maybe go read some comics and things by Gabe and Tycho of Penny Arcade, without whom I might not have thought to write about moneyhats.

review: siggi's orange & ginger skyr yogurt

2010-02-06T11:13:00.006-05:00

A yogurt I've been coveting for years went on sale last week -- siggi's Icelandic-style skyr (strained nonfat yogurt). It usually costs ~3 bucks for a 6-ounce cup, which is why I'd never tried it before, but comes in flavors like pomegranate & passion fruit and orange & ginger, which is why I've been wanting to. I picked up a cup each of the above, and had the latter for breakfast today.

Flavorwise, it's got just a tiny twinge of orange, right there in the front, that gets absolutely eaten by the flavors of the sharp minced ginger and sour yogurt. The ginger bits feel raw (with a crisp texture like tiny pieces of water chestnuts, if you've never chewed raw ginger). I think they'd do better on my palate if they'd been candied just a tad, for that texture as much as for the sweetness.

Re: The sweetness: I'm a huge proponent of low-sugar yogurt -- I think the stuff has a lovely flavor with very little doctoring, and get angry when something that's pitched as a healthy breakfast food has as much sugar as a serving of Coke (or a load of nasty-tasting artificial sweeteners). But the sourness to this yogurt was just on the wrong side of mouth-puckering for me. If I were going to eat this regularly, I might add a teaspoon of honey to it to take the edge off.

This yogurt is very, very thick -- the sort of thick that's heavy, the sort that you usually only get in something like ice cream. (This picture was not the oh-holy-quick-snap-the-photo sort of thing, but rather the take-several-shots-leisurely-and-consider-the-framing sort. The only reason that the spoonful stopped standing like that was that I ate it.) It's so thick that it's not very smooth -- the best way I can think to describe the texture is powerful. This is a yogurt that has some things to do. It will not suffer nonsense. It will nourish you. It's the Juggernaut of yogurts. And, I mean, it's got 10 grams of sugar (most of that'll be lactose -- unsweetened yogurt has ~9+ grams of sugar per serving) and 16 grams of protein per 6-ounce serving, and is fat free. It can walk the walk.

I'm glad I tried it, but honestly I'd never pay full price for this stuff. It's very interesting, but not quite pleasant, and I'm not looking for so much challenge from my yogurt. But personal taste is personal -- if you love the sharp flavor of plain yogurt and have the dollars to spend, you should try Siggi's. (I'll let you know if the pomegranate & passion fruit flavor changes my mind about the brand.)

For the record, my go-to yogurt of choice right now is Stonyfield Farm's Oikos Greek-style yogurt, vanilla flavor. It's creamy-thick and just a bit sour, with only 11 grams of sugar and a nice 15 grams of protein per serving, and is fat free. Sometimes I sugar-splurge on flavored yogurts, too -- my favorites for texture (thick), flavor (sweet-tart), sugar/protein ratio (low), and price (~$1 per serving) are Cascade Fresh's key lime flavor (16/7 g sugar/protein, nonfat) and, for soy yogurt, WholeSoy's apricot-mango flavor (19/6 g sugar/protein, with 3.5 g fat [0 saturated]). If I'm going for yogurt-as-dessert, nothing I've had compares to Brown Cow's cream top line, and specifically their maple flavor. It tastes and feels like maple custard pie filling (I engage in evasive spoon tactics to save the tongue-coatingly rich cream top for last), and has about as much nutritional value (21/5 g sugar/protein, with 7 g fat [4 saturated]).

What's your favorite yogurt -- food-shaped, dessert-shaped, frozen, or otherwise?

[p.s. -- I've written up a review of siggi's pomegranate & passion fruit yogurt, available for consumption here.]

recipe updates, the lack thereof, and ingredient fangirlery

2010-02-03T23:15:00.002-05:00

Citrus season! It's my favorite. Last week I bought a box of clementines and revisited this clementine cake recipe -- except, just to experiment, I subbed half the almond meal for white flour, and added two tablespoons of butter, and coated it in a thick ganache (double the recipe) instead of just a sprinkle. Came out better than the original, I thought, if you don't mind it not being gluten-free. (Though you could, instead of white wheat flour, use an equal amount of sifted rice flour). Next time I'm thinking I'll add maybe a quarter teaspoon of ground cloves to the batter to make it taste just a little like Christmas.

Having yet more clementines to use before they went all squishy, I boiled another one for a couple hours and pureed it like I would've for the cake, but then added the puree to this oatmeal cookie recipe (instead of the tangerine zest). Completely awesome. Also, instead of the drunken raisins, I made a half batch (half a bag) of sugared cranberries, except I just drained them (instead of draining and coating with sugar) after they were done cooking, and then stirred/mashed the cooled cranberries into the oatmeal cookie batter. They were a tiny bit tart, but played really well with the clementine flavor. Just add a minute or two to your bake time -- the cranberries contain a lot more moisture than raisins, so these cookies will need it.

In not-changing-recipes news, I made these cocoa-only brownies that momma Deb of smitten kitchen posted a recipe for, and I never missed the melted chocolate. At all. Best fudgey brownies ever. Wouldn't change a thing. (Though if you can find some and don't mind shelling out a few cash dollars, I absolutely recommend Droste cocoa powder. My local Whole Foods carries it, and it's available on Amazon, and it's dark and rich and so deep that it has a tinge of berry flavor. And the box doesn't have a scary nurse on it anymore, but apparently that design is where the term Droste effect came from, so I thought I'd show you the picture anyway.) But yeah, go make these.

Also, guys, a word about whole wheat flour. (This is partially a note to self, 'cause I keep forgetting.) You can safely substitute a quarter of the white flour in a recipe for whole wheat flour, and it'll add a bit of a nutty flavor (and nutrition) but won't really impact the texture or taste. Substituting out a third of your white flour for whole wheat is pushing it, texturewise. More than that, and you'll have a grainy yucky thing on your hands.

Anyone know of any good resources for recipes that are meant to use whole wheat flour? Also, has anyone tried any of the "white whole wheat" flours that're on the market? King Arthur makes one, and I trust them (and their geeky baking & management ethics) utterly, but haven't tried it. (p.s. -- If you aren't following their blog, you should go do that. 'Cause sometimes they put pudding on top of cake and then brulée the pudding. You heard me.)

restaurant: Woodfire Grill

2010-01-29T20:35:00.004-05:00

SO. I went to Woodfire Grill (re-newly hot hotspot for localvores and fans of Kevin Gillespie's beard) a couple weeks ago and promised you a review, and I definitely haven't posted that yet. Except for how I'm posting it right now. It took me awhile because, guys, I apparently had a lot to say about this dinner. Which is an awesome thing.

I'd decided long before my roommate and I arrived that we were gonna do the whole-table-inclusive 5-course chef's tasting menu. Luckily (for him, as I would've probably asked the kitchen for a trout to slap him with otherwise), my roommate agreed. The menu and wine pairings (which are chosen by the owner, and offered for a separate charge) for the tasting are based on the whims of the market and kitchen each day, so I can nearly guarantee that if you go, you won't have the same dinner that we did. And they won't tell you what dishes you'll be tasting beforehand -- every course is a surprise. (I would like to sign up for more surprises like these.) This is what ours wound up being:

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to report that the dinner started off a bit slow. A server was eager to take our drink order while we were waiting for our table in the comfortable lounge -- but our glasses of wine didn't actually show up until several minutes after we'd been seated, and bread didn't hit until after we'd ordered several minutes later, arriving (slightly chilled, so probably they weren't waiting for a batch to come out) along with our amuse. Perhaps they wanted the amuse to be the first thing we tasted? I wasn't running a timer, but the process of seating and ordering must've taken half an hour at the very least, which is awhile to wait when you're thirsty, hungry, and have a reservation. But that's my single complaint about the service -- for the rest of the evening, our waitress (and the entire fleet of other servers who were on hand) was warm and attentive, quick to explain, inform, and help.

But to the food! First out was an amuse bouche -- a black-eyed pea fritter with a spicy, creamy pickle dressing. Pure welcome and comfort. It was paired with a local sparkling wine that was a bit sweet for the dish, I thought, but the bubbles were just the thing for the light, crispy fritter. And luckily for wine-on-an-empty-stomach me, the vaguely belated bread basket contained a thick & chewy, lemon-zested, focaccia-type panbread; a darker, seeded peasant bread; and an addictively salted & herbed whipped butter. I could've filled up on the lemony one plus heavy schmears of butter alone, but I managed to abstain for the good of all of us.

The first full course was strips of battered & fried mushroom, slightly sweet, over a sharp & creamy cheese sauce with a drizzle of pungent candied garlic sauce. I found the fried mushroom a little oily after the first few bites, but it served well as a vehicle for the terrific sauces. I would have liked, in particular, to take home a vat of the cheese one. The wine pairing, an earthy Semillon, was perfect -- the sort of pairing that develops deeper flavors in both the wine and the dish.

Second course was seafood -- a roasted scallop and a few sweet, small shrimp, with a sprinkle of dill and a jewel-like salad of radish slices, cut paper-thin, and blood orange segments. My roommate, who dislikes seafood, cleaned the plate. I was less impressed with this dish than with all of the others; the scallop had a bit of grit to it, I wasn't entirely sure what the dill was doing besides mucking about, and the texture on both scallop and shrimp was more on the side of well-done than I personally prefer (I'm not sure how I feel about confit of shrimp). But the flavor of everything was good -- all very light and slightly sweet. (In retrospect, I think I would've wanted to have this before the fried mushrooms because the flavors in it were just so delicate.) The wine pairing, a Chenin Blanc, was another terrific match -- crisp and light with just enough sweetness.

Next came another taste from the kitchen, to cleanse and prep our palates for the heavier dishes ahead -- an oyster on the half-shell, dressed with a lobster cream and salt-cured salmon roe. And, okay, I never order raw oysters anywhere because, while I enjoy raw seafood, most places that serve raw oysters skeeze me right the hell out. But this was just (if you'll excuse me slipping into clichéd foodie hyperbole) ethereal. It didn't taste like shellfish -- it tasted like the ocean, salty, briny, and breezy. The cream played against this, pulling the flavor and mouthfeel into a richer, heavier place, and the roe balanced both out. And the wine pairing, a chardonnay, convinced a certain roommate who takes issue with the very existence of chards that the wine does indeed have a place in the world. In terms of wow factor and harmony of flavors, I'd say this was my favorite thing from the whole dinner.

Not to say that you should do something drastic like stop reading, 'cause next up, the third course, was a plate of little bitty quail quarters that I could've kept eating all night, served over a bed of stewed, creamy-textured potatoes and chewy mushrooms and circled with a salty chicken jus. I love game bird, and this was perhaps the best quail I've ever had, salty-sweet-crisp-tender all at once. Salty & sweet from the glaze over the crisp outer crust, with tender meat underneath. If I am ever fabulously wealthy, I'm going to eat something very much like those quailbits in the way that the plebes eat chicken wings. This was the one wine pairing, however, that I didn't think complimented the dish well at all. On the sweet side, the pinot blend made the glaze on the birds go sour, and had no power to cut the fat in the meat and ragout. Both my roommate and I prefer drier wines, though, and even if we were biased, one pairing slip the whole night ain't shabby.

The fourth and main course was -- of course -- pork. Pork two ways, in fact -- a medallion of pork loin and a thick chunk of pork belly, accompanied by a pork rind-studded risotto, a spear of picklish endive, and a schmear of apple vinegar sauce. The smokiness and tenderness involved in both pieces of meat was absolutely pornographic -- like the best beef tenderloin and sirloin, but in pig flavor. And the wine pairing -- a smoky, rich Garnacha -- enhanced it to the point that my roommate and I stopped talking and conversed only in indecently happy noises while we savored this dish. If this is the style of pork belly treatment that Tom Colicchio found fault with in the Top Chef season finale, well, I'll take his lifetime allotment of it. I disliked the endive -- whatever it was braised in (more apple vinegar?) made it too sour and bitter for me, even next to the fatty meat. (My roommate didn't mind it though -- I think I dislike vinegar more than the average bear.) But that was minor, forgivable. Oh, that smokiness. I'm afraid I'm going to hold all future pork dishes up to that one, and find them all lacking.

In the afterglow, the fifth course arrived -- two different dessert dishes, each with its own wine pairing! My considerable sweet-tooth and I were incredibly pleased. First, I tasted the molten-chocolate-filled chocolate crepe that was served over a sort of mocha latte soup with little nibs of cocoa and a spoonful of whipped cream. The flavors were just what I wanted after that pork, deep and dark and bittersweet. I thought the texture of the crepe was off -- a little too thick and spongy -- and that the sauce was a bit too thin. But the flavors went wonderfully with the tawny port it was served with (which I squeed a little about when the waitress poured it for me -- tawny port is one of my most favorite things on the planet when it's sort of masculine and nutty, like dessert whiskey more than dessert wine, and this was one of those).

Then my roommate and I switched plates and I tried the second dessert -- a small vanilla cake served with meringue and apple bits. Which was, strangely, also exactly what I wanted after the pork, sweet and warming with just a tiny hint of tartness. My roommate wasn't impressed by this one (though he's not a fan of sweets in general and cooked apples in particular), but as a baker myself, I very much was. (I did think the apples could've been cooked a tad more and incorporated into the cake, which, by itself, was bland after so many aggressive courses. But.) The cake's dense, heavy crumb, contained by a deeply caramelized crust, is something I'm going to attempt to replicate. And the meringue -- the meringue was paradigm-shifting, for a person with paradigms about pastry. It was what meringe can be, should be -- pudding-thick and so fresh that it managed to be sticky and creamy at the same time, like the best-ever marshmallow fluff. (I need to make this meringue. I need to put it on icebox pies, make cookie sandwiches out of it, serve it between layers of fruit and ice cream. But, um, anyway.) The dish was served with a chilled Sauternes that provided a slightly tart contrast to all the sweetness, and both the dish and the wine helped bring out the fruitiness in the other.

Overall, was this dinner worth the price tag of $65 per person plus wine, with the final bill including gratuity being up above $200? Um. That's a hard thing to answer. It was a special event for two food geeks, and I can write a huge part of the price tag off as being part of the experience. But I wouldn't do something like that more than once every couple of years, and only for people who I like very, very much. And if I go back, I'll keep a few things in mind to minimize the expense.

My advice:

Plan ahead and make a reservation well in advance. Not that you'll have much choice, there. The rumor I heard was that business at Woodfire is up 200% since Gillespie appeared on Top Chef (and good for them).

Do the 5-course chef's tasting. It's only maybe 10 bucks more expensive than two entrees plus shared appetizers and dessert would be. And if you think you dislike certain foods, this is the sort of place that might change your mind.

As tempting as the wine and cocktail list may be, just order water while you're waiting for your table if you're planning on doing wine pairings with your meal.

Totally do wine pairings with your meal. It's pricey, but part of the adventure.

But unless you're some kind of superhuman (or perhaps French), do the half-glass wine pairings.

And even then, have only one out of every two members of your party order the wine. The half pours are still generous, plenty enough for two people to each sip before, during, and after each course. (Plus, like our waitress said, they want you to remember your nice dinner. And they wound up serving us 8 wines, so, yes. Even over the course of 2 hours, that's a lot of wine.)

I have no idea whether they'll consider your request, but try asking for a table downstairs, in the cozy area by the wood ovens -- and especially along the back wall of the area, at one of the two corner tables with cushioned bench seating. We randomly scored one of these, and it was just excessively comfortable. And good for chef-watching -- we had a clear view of everything going on around the ovens.

Enjoy yourself thoroughly and post, equally thoroughly, on the Intarwebs about your experience. And send me a link. The more foodpr0n I have, the less tempted I'll be to spend all my paychecks this way.

adventures while not moving

2010-01-26T18:47:00.006-05:00

I was in a bad mood last week so I reread Ellen Kushner's The Privilege of the Sword, which is double chocolate chip cookies in book form if you like 18th century social commentary, pretty dresses, awkward teenagers bein' awkward, swordplay, and characters who aren't straight. It's self-indulgent, but delicious things often are. (It's a sequel of sorts to Swordspoint, which is also delicious and recommended for people who like politics, swordplay, and gay dudes. And that's only a double entendre when Kushner wants it to be.) My only criticism of it is that, in jumping between first- and third-person narration, it occasionally stumbles. But I mean, like, twice. So that's okay. If you think you'd enjoy a period story about a practical teenage girl who both learns to fight and loves romance novels, you should mosey over to Small Beer Press and get yourself a copy. (And maybe buy some of their other books because they're running a remainder sale for a good cause, and read them, and tell me what you think. I've got Generation Loss and Meet Me in the Moon Room on my reading list, so I'll return the favor soonish.)

Now I'm going through Neil Gaiman's collection of shorts and poetry, Fragile Things. Except I'm skipping the poetry. (I expect this indicates that I'm a horrific sociopath of a poet, and/or that I made a good choice when I didn't try to apply for any MFA poetry programs. I am comfortable with both of these.) So far I think I enjoy Gaiman more when he's writing novels or graphic novels (or blogposts), but his turns of phrase and pieces of atmosphere are nonetheless delightful. And/or creepy. And/or delightfully creepy.

Ubi es Caelum has a new blogthing where she's writing very openly about herself and her life and her brain. This is something that I do not have the guts to do, in a metaphorically literal sort of way. I do not have the kind of guts that would stand up to public self-evisceration and display, the skin pinned back, however prettily, like an anatomist's cadaver. But it's wonderful when a really good writer does, so I encourage you to go read her stuff.

film: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

2010-01-20T11:27:00.005-05:00

Got out to see Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus last weekend -- y'know, the last flick that Heath Ledger, dreamboat of bad Shakespeare remakes and inappropriately sexy terror of Gotham, worked on? Which Gilliam got three of Ledger's actor friends (Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell, a telescoping progression of talent and yum) to finish in Ledger's stead?

Gilliam is my very favorite director whose films I frequently fall asleep during, and I would've wanted to see Imaginarium for any and all of the actors attached, so, y'know, it would've had to have been something just shockingly terrible for me to have disliked it -- but really and truly, I loved it. It was the most terrifically Pythonesque thing I've seen from Gilliam since possibly Baron von Munchausen, surreal and dead-serious silly, with his signature rambling narrative and cartoonishly dreamlike landscapes, inhabitants, and objects. It's not altogether a pleasant dream -- in parts it's quite upsetting, especially on reflection of Ledger's death -- but I love it all the more for its deep, dark ripples. Because it's a film about people -- about their desires and deeds and efforts and beliefs and souls -- and you can't do that without a good measure of darkness. And, like all my favorite stories, in its chewy center it's all about storytelling.

Also, it's got my absolute favorite casting of the Devil ever. And a heart-lockingly lovely heroine wearing costumes that I would fight you for.

If you have three hours (plus maybe a couple for mental recovery) and you want to be transported, you should go see it. And you should avoid reading anything about the plot if you can. Letting Gilliam unhurriedly unfurl the story for you is half the fun.

restaurant: Mac McGee's

2010-01-16T10:21:00.004-05:00

Intoxicated with food adventure after my dinner at Woodfire Grill on Tuesday (extensive post forthcoming, I promise), I got out to the new Irish pub on Decatur square, Mac McGee's, on Wednesday. (They don't seem to have a website yet, but you can check out the menu on Decatur Metro's post about them.)

The space is tiny but friendly, with several small high-top tables, stools along the bar, a few high-backed corner booths, and a couple 2-to-4-tops. We snagged the cozy booth at the front, which can be completely closed in but for a window that goes through to the bar. Highly recommended for largeish parties of close friends and/or people who want to feel like they're in a mafia movie. It's a nonsmoking establishment (bliss!), and decorated, appropriately, in glowing woods and dim lights.

I was excited to try the food, being a fan of the chef, Ryan Stewart, from when he headed the kitchen at The Glenwood. I ordered the lamb cottage pie (fine-ground lamb in gravy covered with mashed potatoes, with a side of simply dressed salad) and it was good but underwhelming, with little lamby flavor and a higher ratio of potatoes-to-meat than I would've preferred.

That was the only entrée I tasted, so I'll reserve judgment until I have a chance to go back, but the sandwiches I tried -- the corned beef and the cheeseburger with house-made bacon -- seemed to be much surer bets. Each was served on excellent bread (a squishy, eggy roll for the cheeseburger and a thick & chewy toasted baguette for the corned beef), and both meats were very well seasoned -- though I'm not sure that the burgers were actually cooked to order, despite the waitress asking everyone at what temperature they wanted theirs. The sandwiches came with sides of the best fries I've had in a long time -- small wedges of potato with a high contrast of crispy coating to meltingly soft meal. I usually don't consider fries to be worth the calories, but I could eat a lot of these.

The draft list had some terrific options (I had a Houblon Chouffe IPA Tripel and a Unibroue Trois Pistoles Strong Dark Ale), though the list was missing any form of description, in some cases including what brewery the beers were from. (Tasting notes aren't necessary on a menu, and the bartender cheerfully provided explanations and recommendations, but I'd at least like to know the general categories and gravities of what's available. My beergeek knowledge isn't always immediately accessible, especially after I've had one [Yes, one. I'm tiny].) I heard tell of a whiskey menu but didn't see one and didn't ask -- Wednesday wasn't that kind of night, and I really didn't want to tempt myself to turn it into that kind of night. But it's precisely the sort of place that I'd like to spend time denting a barstool and nursing from a short glass, and I'll definitely report back on the whiskey situation once I have.

Our waitress and bartenders were casual, good-humored, and attentive, with I think only two tiny, quickly-resolved hiccups for our table of 9, which counts as a complete service win.

Will definitely be returning. Let me know if you've been, and what you've thought if you have! And/or tell me what's your favorite UK-style pub around town -- especially if it's off the beaten.

Woodfire, brunch, meat pies, and Hunger

2010-01-12T09:53:00.008-05:00

I've got a reservation at Woodfire Grill this evening. It was a Christmas present to my roommate (and yes, today was the first date available for a resonable dinnertime reservation when I hit up Opentable.com back in December), 'cause both of us are huge fandorks for Top Chef and adored Kevin Gillespie's attitude and cooking style during this past season. I promise I'll make every effort to a) do a writeup about our dinner and b) not hump Gillespie's leg.

Brunch this week was at good ol' Manny's, mostly because none of us thought to check whether Flat Iron opens before noon (it doesn't). It's not a brunch I'd go out of my way to have, and like everything at Manny's it's simple and greasy, but it's so comfy and casual there that I never mind. And their biscuits are some of my favorites in town, so tender & buttery that they're perfect plain.

Before we ditched East Atlanta, I stopped and grabbed a couple of meat pies to go from the Australian Bakery Cafe, which I've been craving ever since we saw Titus Andronicus at Georgia Shakes last summer. (An' what?) Their steak & mushroom pie is still my ultimate travel breakfast food -- warming, savory, and filling, with that elusive balance of gravy-to-crust that allows for both tastiness and handheld snacking.

In literary news, I zipped through the first two books of The Hunger Games YA series by Suzanne Collins in less than 36 hours. So, um, I recommend those. I'll do a more in-depth review soon, but basically: This series was written specifically for 12-year-old me. If you were also once an unsqueamish girl who loved (mostly the food parts of) survival action stories, wasn't sure what she thought about romance, and was obsessed with dystopian-future fight-The-Man oh-the-injustice stories, then you should probably start finding a way to read these books now.

back into the brunch

2010-01-05T22:35:00.002-05:00

Went to Emerald Coast Coffee & Grille with my friend Buffi for brunch on Sunday. They offer a three-course affair with (nonalcoholic) drink pairings for $10, which ends up being a completely ludicrous amount of food and caffeine.

First up was a pastry involving white chocolate, cranberries, and wonderfully soft, creamy, cakey dough -- paired with a plain cup of lovely rich coffee. Second was a fluffy omelet with grated onions and potatoes and a side of mildly spicy salsa -- paired, somewhat confusingly, with a sweet, Irish cream-flavored mocha. Third was a half of a Cuban-inspired sandwich consisting of thin-sliced roast pork with a good, tangy balance of pickles and mustard and excellently melty cheese served on a pillowy bread -- paired, again somewhat confusingly, with a milky iced chai. They were happy to make the drinks with soymilk or skim milk, to our liking. (Though really, they were happy to do everything to our liking. Very pleasant, noninstrusive, helpful staff.)

It's a terrific deal for huge appetites or people with a good three hours on their hands. It was a bit much for me, food- and caffeine-wise -- next time I'll order decaf on any mixed drinks, and will consider compiling a tableful of half-eaten dishes for taking home. I might've been conflictingly heavy and bouncy for the rest of the day.

I'm not sure what else there is by way of reasonably-priced brunch in the areas around Brookahven. I've been to the Terminus Flying Biscuit (which, like all the offshoot FB locations, seems incapable of cooking eggs to order or hiring waitstaff as endearingly unhelpful as the hipster kids who work the original location) and to the Corner Cafe on Piedmont (which serves generous portions of delicious food for its high prices, has perhaps overly polite waiters, and is reasonable to get into on Saturday mornings).

Anyone have any places to recommend?

For the record, my favorite places to brunch in town are Steinbeck's in Oakhurst (for savory, hearty dishes -- their brisket hash with creamy potatoes and perfect poached eggs is approximately the best thing I've ever eaten), Canoe in Vinings (for special occasions, as they're pricey and expect one to act like a decent human being before having coffee), and Gato Bizco in Candler Park (which is that place across from Flying Biscuit with its own line of waiting customers -- for honest diner dishes in huge portions, including lots of southwest-themed items and sweet potato pancakes). So uh. Possibly I'm a hipster and think that breakfast should either be schmancy or served by people with tattoos who are likely to be hungover, too.

Are there any places like that north of Decatur? Tell me about your favorite brunch spot even if it's not north of Decatur. Or even if it's not anywhere near Atlanta.

consumerism wow: motivations

2010-01-02T10:50:00.003-05:00

Another side effect of my trip to visit my family in upstate New York is that I have fallen hopelessly, tragically in love with Ojon's Hydrating Conditioner -- hopelessly because it smells wonderful (like musky vanilla, and the scent actually stays for at least a day) and leaves my hair & scalp neither greasy nor dry, and tragically because it costs way more than I'm willing to pay for a conditioner. Hair & skin care products occupy such a terrifyingly steep & slippery consumer slope. 'Cause. Sometimes expensive products work really well. But. I like not spending 22 bucks on a bottle of conditioner. But if I'm willing to spend 7 bucks on a bottle of conditioner, then why not 10? And if 10, why not 15, why not 20? After all, I'd drop that much on a round of drinks any night, and those drinks last significantly less long than a bottle of conditioner would.

This is why I'm not allowed to go into Sephora.

This is also (partially) why I've been thinking lately about how I assign value to things. I mean, consumable things: food, experiences, media, beauty products, wearables. I blanch at the idea of spending more than $20 on a piece of clothing, unless it's something nice that I can wear to the office (where I care much more than usual about how I look) -- but I'll gladly pick up the $40 check for a nice dinner with a close friend. I won't buy an $8 paperback book (~400 pages) if I don't have a coupon or can't find it cheaper used -- but I'll buy $15 worth of comic books I've never heard of (~70 pages) because they look weird and funny. I'll order a $12 cocktail but search out the cheapest entrée on the menu. Sometimes I won't buy an entire album on mp3 for $10 because I can pick & choose the songs that immediately strike me as likable for only $7 (even if I enjoy the artist and know full well that I feel differently about songs once I've warmed up to them), but I'll order 5 samples of perfumes I've never smelled for $3.50 apiece.

Do you do things like this? Surely I can't be the only mercurial spender out there.

The conclusion I've come to is that what I'm really shopping for isn't the product, but the experience of that product. Of appearing responsible and capable to my coworkers and bosses. Of sharing conversation and plates of good food and not having to clean up afterwards. Of feeling like I'm cultured and supportive of independent artists. Of drinking something I'd never conceive of on my own. Of finding out exactly what roses mingled with graveyard dirt smells like when applied to my skin.

Why I value these experiences more than others I'm not sure. It's probably one of those highly individual, annoyingly unsaleable, unique-snowflakey things that drives advertisers to drink. Although it's true that somewhere in my motivation to purchase these things and experiences lies the concept that they'll make me more attractive/loved/happy, my personal idea (anyone's personal idea) of what is is to be attractive/loved/happy is necessarily strange, even to myself. But because self-awareness is awesome, I'm working on sussing out the particulars. I'll let you all know how that goes. I just hope you'll forgive me for not having the softest, flowingest, musky vanilla-scentedest hair while I'm at it.

good fortune

2009-12-31T18:35:00.005-05:00

If you're sitting around, either waiting to go out or settling in for the evening, and had the thought cross your mind that really, you'd like to do a bit more tax-deductible donating before the close of the year, then this is a fortuitous Internet meeting, friend!

The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund is one of my favorite organizations to toss digital monies at, firstly because they help protect the rights of adults to read and own works of literature and art as such they choose, and secondly because they offer really worthwhile gifts and merchandise. (If you're still looking for a few belated holiday gifts for folks of the geek persuasion, they're a perfect place to look -- they've got lots of signed editions of terrific comics and novels, in addition to artwork and sundry perfumes, t-shirts, and etc.) So, yes, you should check out the CBLDF store.

Child's Play, the gamers' charity set up by the kids from Penny Arcade, allows you to send toys, books, movies, and games directly to any of several dozen children's hospitals around the world through Amazon.com. Christmas is past, but sick kids can still use the entertainment. You can also donate directly to the organization through Paypal -- they've always got administrative costs to consider.

Locally, the Atlanta Community Food Bank helps a lot of people have brighter holidays -- and happier, healthier new years. If, like me, you find yourself with more desire to give than actual dollars, you can always sign up to volunteer -- or donate just a few dollars.

Some terrible things have happened this year, and I can't say I won't be a little glad to see it go. But my family is deeply possessed of good humor, my friends are magnificent bastards, and a man who delights me every day loves me. I am so grateful for my good fortune. It's five hours to 2010 -- I wish you all a lovely end to the year, an even better beginning to the new one, and all the best fortune throughout!

just this once i will help you be cleaner rather than messier/dirtier

2009-12-29T12:32:00.005-05:00

Upon braving the mall yesterday to purchase a replacement cell phone charger (having left mine in upstate New York with my aunt & uncle), I realized that Lush, one of my favorite silly-girly-overpriced-and-possibly-overhyped-bath-product vendors, is holding their annual post-holiday clearance sale. Despite that big long hyphenate of doubt, I do love Lush -- they make some beautifully scented products, and you can get a lot of use out of them if you're sparing about it.

But so SALE. Yes. If you don't have any Lush stores in your area, you can shop online and purchase certain gift sets buy one, get one free, and certain holiday-themed products buy one, get two free.

If you DO have a store in your area, they're probably running the same promotion that mine was -- certain gift sets (including all holiday-themed sets and any regular sets made before December) are buy one, get one free; all holiday items are buy one, get two free; and all soaps are buy one, get two free.

Lush's soaps smell awesome and usually cost 6-8 bucks a bar. If you've got a few extra dollars and need some soap, bubble bath, or other girly things, this sale is so completely worth checking out. Just go soon -- things sell out quick!

I'd personally recommend picking up a bar of Honey I Washed the Kids soap (a light, sweet honey-vanilla-orange scent) or Ice Blue soap (PEPPERMINT HELLO MORNING scented) or Figs & Leaves soap (a bit earthy and sweet, with exfoliators that're gentle enough for my rice-paper skin).

Or, if you're looking for bath enhancers that're on sale, I'd recommend a Mr. Butterball bomb (a moisturizing bath fizzie with a scent similar to Honey I Washed the Kids), a couple of Li'l Lush Pud bombs (a fizzie that smells like spicy Christmas pudding, but they're small enough that you might need two for a full bathtub), or a Holiday bubble bar (solid bubble bath, extremely girly, with a bit of glitter and a carnation-orange-rose scent -- can break in half and use for two baths).

[Notice: Lush did not approve or endorse or otherwise encourage me to write this post -- aside from how they made some pretty rad products and then put them on sale.]

recipe: simple stovetop egg nog

2009-12-23T11:35:00.007-05:00

Egg nog is easy to make! Like crème brulee, except you don't bake it. If you're thinking, "well that sounds hard and doesn't encourage me to try making egg nog," I bet you've never had anyone show you how dangerously easy it is to make crème brulee. And I'll fix that sometime soon. But for now, just consider: Do you have half an hour to stand around your stove stirring something? If so, you can make some egg nog.

Simple Stovetop Egg Nog
Adapted from Alton Brown, Simply Recipes, and Cook's Illustrated.

Makes a quart of nog, which serves 4 to 6 people, depending on how much of it they want to drink. If you have any serious egg nog enthusiasts, you might want to double the recipe.

INGREDIENTS

2 eggs
3 egg yolks*
1/4 cup granulated white sugar
1/8 tsp salt (I used sea salt 'cause it has plenty of time to dissolve)

1 cup heavy cream (that's a half-pint)
1 cup milk (anything from 1% to whole will be fine, I might not try nonfat)
2 whole cloves (do NOT substitute ground cloves)

1/2 tbsp vanilla extract (or half a bean, scraped with pod reserved, which would be so tasty and fancy-looking)
1/4 cup bourbon or dark rum (technically optional. But I used 1/3 cup, an' what?)
1/2 tsp fresh-grated nutmeg (the fresh seriously makes a delicious difference)

METHOD

In a heavy 2-3 quart saucepan, combine your eggs, egg yolks, sugar, and salt. Whisk them briskly for at least a minute, until the mixture is foamy and has lightened a bit in color. (If you're using a nonstick pan, be sure to use a silicone-coated whisk -- and if you don't have one, do the whisking in a mixing bowl! You don't want any Teflon in your egg nog.)

Add a half cup of cream and whisk it in good -- you want the mixture to be smooth and fully incorporated before you add more. Add the remaining half cup of cream and whisk again until smooth. Do the same with the milk, a half cup at a time. This makes sure that all the proteins and fats from the eggs and milk are snuggled in with each other so that your nog will be satin-smooth. Drop in the whole cloves (they'll steep while the mixture heats).

Set your pot of nog on the stove, and turn the burner to the second lowest setting. Set a timer for 25 minutes. Ready for an arm workout? Start stirring, sir and/or madam. (I like using a whisk and keeping it going at a pretty good clip, but if you're using a nonstick pan and you don't have a safely coated whisk, a wooden or plastic spoon at a splash-avoidingly sedate pace will be fine.) You want to keep stirring constantly and heat the mixture gently-gently-gently. This may try your patience, but don't be tempted to turn the heat up. After about 10 minutes the nog should start steaming a little, and you want to maintain that steam without letting it reach a full simmer. If you let the mixture simmer, you'll have finely scrambled eggs instead of lovely drinkable custard. So if it begins steaming really profusely, turn the heat down to low and keep stirring.

If you have to stop stirring and step away for a minute or so, don't worry, you won't kill the egg nog. But it's best to keep it moving so that a) a skin won't form on top [ever made gravy?], and b) it won't heat too much or too unevenly. See above re: scrambled eggs.

You'll know the egg nog is done when a probe thermometer tells you it's 160 degrees F. Or when you dip a metal spoon in the nog and then watch the way that the custard drips off the back of the spoon -- it should coat the spoon entirely and evenly, and pool a little thicker along the edge before dripping off. Or when the timer you set goes off, provided that the mixture has been putting off steam for at least 10 minutes.

The egg nog will thicken a bit as it cools, but if you like a thicker egg nog, you can safely continue cooking it for another 10 minutes or so, stirring all the while. I kept mine going for a full 35 minutes, and it turned out like melted ice cream (yay). If you're not going to be adding any booze, I'd recommend taking it off the heat at 25 minutes.

Once it's off the stove, add in your flavorings and stir (again, more, yes) to incorporate. Pour or ladle the egg nog through a fine mesh sieve into a happy-in-the-fridge container (I used a cleaned-out Chinese delivery soup container 'cause I'm highfalutin') and cover it tightly. (If you don't have a fine mesh sieve, you can skip this step -- just fish out the whole cloves. The straining gets out any little lumpy egg bits and perfects the texture, but it'll be fine without this step.) Refrigerate for at least 3 hours, and up to 3 days.

MAKIN' IT FANCY

You can serve this egg nog plain -- just stir it first (your arm should have recovered by now) 'cause it'll have separated a little. Or you can:

--Sprinkle an extra bit of freshly-ground nutmeg on top of each serving for dual-purpose eye/nose-pleasing decoration. AND/OR:

--Whip 1/2 cup of heavy cream until it forms soft peaks, and gently fold/stir it into the egg nog. (This will give the egg nog a very pretty, snowy-looking layer of cream on top when you serve it.) OR:

--Whip 2 egg whites until they form soft peaks, and gently fold/stir them into the egg nog. (I have not tried this so I don't know what it does! But Alton Brown thinks it's a good idea, and he knows stuff.)

FLAVOR OPTIONS

If you're cooking for people who can't have alcohol, a teaspoon of (nonalcoholic) rum flavoring added at the end with the vanilla and nutmeg might be a nice addition.

If you order flavored lattes with extra pumps of gingerbread or pumpkin spice syrup: Consider ignoring my recommendation about the whole cloves. In fact, forget the whole cloves. Instead, when you take the pot off the heat, add a scant 1/8 tsp ground cloves and a scant 1/4 tsp cinnamon in addition to the other flavorings.

*OH HAY, A TUTORIAL

Separating eggs takes a bit of practice, and is a bit messy, but don't be intimidated: Working over your sink, tap the waistline of an egg on the edge of a bowl or on the surface of the counter a couple times until a crack forms. Hold the egg upright over the sink, and carefully open it the way you'd open a hinged box. A bunch of the egg white will fall into the sink! Pull the top half of the egg shell off. If you've got two somewhat even halves of shell, you can gently tip the yolk into the empty top half, being careful not to snag the yolk on the sharp edges of the shell, and then pour any remaining white out of the bottom half of the shell -- and if that doesn't get rid of most of the white, you can repeat that yolk transfer a few times. If you end up with one "half" of the shell not being large enough to hold the yolk, just cup your palm and empty the egg into it, carefully cradling the yolk and letting the white of the egg sludge through your fingers. If at any point the yolk breaks and starts to run, don't worry about how much white is left in with it -- just add it to the mixing bowl. A little extra white won't hurt anything here.

If you want, you can also save the egg whites in a sealed container in the fridge for up to 4 days for use in this or other cocktails or baking projects. They'll also keep in the freezer for up to 6 months.

holidays = food and shopping

2009-12-18T10:20:00.008-05:00

Oh, The Holidays! The one time of year that I'm operating nearly at the (ludicrous) speed of my brain. I love the season and am always somewhat relieved when it's over.

Had my office party at One Midtown Kitchen, which put together an excellent lunch for us. If you ever go there and they offer you hand-rolled gnocchi with root vegetables, you should take them up on that. (Though beware: they seem to enjoy sneaking bits of delicious meat into things that are ostensibly vegetarian. Like hand-rolled gnocchi with root vegetables. I personally enjoy charcuterie, but I wasn't expecting to find slices of it on top of my vegetarian option.) But yes, I only spilled prosecco on one person, and that person wasn't even my boss. Success!

Went back to Prohibition last night, and found the establishment to be much more -- well, established. They found a rotary dial for their phone booth (which I'm glad I didn't have to deal with after I'd had any drinks 'cause I'd nearly forgotten how those work), turned off the flat-screen, and were operating with comfortable ease. I had a tiny but satisfying bowl of gnocchi (my current obsession?) with a wonderful salty cheese crust (though I didn't detect any of the duck the menu said was in there -- perhaps it got overwhelmed by the cheese?). And Darrell poured me a Gin-Gin Mule (ginger beer and gin with a sprig of mint, warming and cooling at the same time), a whisky cocktail I didn't catch the name of involving lemon juice & peel (very smokey and grown-up), and a new thing made with Aperol and shouju and ginger beer and lemon peel (light & juicy & delicately sweet, one of my new favorites). [Oh, and I think I spied the AJC's John Kessler while I was there -- I managed to not descend upon him in a cloud of fangirl, and am hoping he'll have nice things to say about the place.]

I developed a sudden love for shouju (an airy and slightly sweet rice liquor that goes really well with citrus) at Yakitori Totto in New York City circa New Year's Eve last year. I'd never seen it on a menu before, but it sounded good and came with a variety of fruit juices. Or, more specifically as I discovered, a variety of fruit for the customer to juice. The bemused/amused waiter (who had about as much English as I have Japanese, meaning that we both did a lot of gesturing and apologizing in poor accents) looked at me looking at the fruit, and graciously whisked it away to make something drinkable out of it. (Hurrah for mutual cultural embarrassment.) If you find yourself in NYC, you should go there and order one of everything (or two of everything, as you may find yourself not wanting to share). At the very least, if they happen to have it as a special again around this time of year, try their elegant shiro-kuro goma (white & black sesame) noodle soup.

I thought I had a pretty good handle on shopping about a month ago, 'cause I had about half of it done. And so I stopped for three weeks. Oops. I'm gonna try to write up long enthusiastic things about some of my favorite online merchants later on, but for now I'll just recommend that anyone with some holiday shopping left to do hie to Sock Dreams, Think Geek, New Egg, or Jeni's Ice Cream. All have lovely products and customer service, and get things out quickly. Bless them.

consumerism WOW it's december already

2009-12-10T14:22:00.001-05:00

It's time, friends and colleagues, for a precociously holiday-themed edition of Consumerism Wow! Fellow Awesomancer and t-shirt lover Adam P. Knave and I have teamed up again to tell you about why we like some things -- not just t-shirts, this time! -- that we think you will like, too.

Part 1 of this veritable thing-liking extravaganza can be found here, on Adam's blog. Click through if you'd like to see some of the things that I think you should consider purchasing, along with Adam's ~~completely~~ vaguely super-incorrect reasons for why I think so. The following is Part 2: Adam's picks, and my explanations for why he likes them! Perhaps you should read about them now?

THINGY #1

Lauren: Oh man! Someone illustrated that fanfic you wrote and put the picture on a t-shirt? Is there a picture on the back of you as the zombie leader of the zombie-Harlem Globetrotters?

Adam: No there isn't and I'm rather ups... HEY! Nice try but you won't get me to admit my zombie-doo fanfic writing ways THAT easily!

THINGY #2

Lauren: Branding for fictional corporations is the best kind of branding, 'cause you don't have to feel guilty about how they treat their employees or source their materials 'cause they're all fictional. Also, you can't stop dreaming about electric sheep. And Rutger Hauer.

Adam: Rutger Hauer is a fine, fine looking man. You know, I wonder how Blade-Doo-Runner would go...

THINGY #3

Lauren: You want to remind people that real vampires can sparkle and be adorable if they damn well want to.

Adam: Exactly. Except for the sparkly bit. And the adorable bit. Also the vampire bit, if you want to be picky. I mean... yeah. But otherwise? Spot on!

THINGY #4

Lauren: You're just hoping that people will do weird shit around you so that you can turn them into characters and plot devices in your writing.

Adam: I don't need them to do anything special for that. No I just want the cover. The more people out there causing trouble the less my own schemes will be noticed and stopped. I just want to use society as a looky loo. Is that so wrong?

THINGY #5

Lauren: Aww, this one is actually really sweet. Unless by “things” you mean “more post-zombie-apocalyptic Scooby Doo self-insertion fanfiction.”

Adam: Why would I mean that? I mean, who would ever... what makes you think that? YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING, LAUREN!

THINGY #6

Lauren: I don't care why you want this. If you saved all of your NES and Genesis came cartridges, and all that stands between me and the most badass throwdown marathon of Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers and Bubble Bobble is the purchase of this gadget and a plane ticket, I'm coming to your apartment in 3 to 5 processing & shipping days.

Adam: I was thinking of buying a few of my old carts back, actually. Yer on, Spanky!

THINGY #7

Lauren: They didn't have a Duck Dodgers statuette?

Adam: Oh, see, now that's just mean, that is. It's Buck! The original space badass! We don't mock Buck, we just don't. That's like mocking the baby Jeebus.

THINGY #8

Lauren: Okay clearly this is a joke shirt 'cause we've already discussed that if you could travel back in time, you'd be wearing really sleek suits and drinking martinis in the 60's, not hanging out here & now wearing t-shirts. You want this shirt so you can throw rival time travelers off your space-time scent.

Adam: Well that was the plan until you ruined it! If it wasn't for you and those zombie kids!

THINGY #9

Lauren: Shiny bits of plastic to taunt your kitty with from a high-standing shelf! Before you make this purchase, I recommend making sure that kitty hasn't built a jetpack based on the design from that Buck Rogers statuette.

Adam: My cat could not use a jetpack. She has no thumbs. I gave her one, to make sure, and she just licked it and sat on it. She has no interest in flying.

THINGY #10

Lauren: Oh, nevermind, with this you will have all the protection your shiny bits of plastic will need from evil bejetpacked kitty. Kitty will be easily subdued! This is a titanium folding kitty-incapacitation system! PLUS it will be a handy tool for eating with when I serve you some delicious homemade ~~kitty~~pop tarts that are too fresh and hot to pick up!

Adam: Can we please do a comic - Jetpack Kitty vs The Spork? Like, serious please? C'mon. No, wait, why are you running away, Lauren? Was it something I said?

And other than posting this evidence of why she fled, Lauren the grammarmonkey was never seen nor heard from again. Happy Consumer Holidays, folks!

wordbits & editbobs

2009-12-08T11:41:00.004-05:00

Just a quick bit of news about Stays Crunchy, which is that book I edited for Adam P. Knave: Adam's publisher, Creative Guy, is running a contest to thank people for purchasing the book! Just take a picture of yourself, your cat, your photogenic friend, etc. holding a copy of Stays Crunchy in Milk, and post a link to it as a comment on this post of Adam's before December 18th. On the 18th, they'll randomly draw an entrant to win the complete series of Farscape on DVD. Because Farscape was awesome, and you are probably also awesome, and awesome things belong together. (If you haven't purchased a copy of the book yet, there should still be time to allow for shipping & handling! And it'd make a good gift for the 80's-pop-culture addict in your life. It's available on Amazon.)

In other edity news, I'm helping Adam and one D. J. Kirkbride with a particularly exciting comic pitch, which is particularly exciting because it involves pirates and other stuff that I'm not allowed to talk about. (Stuff I'm not allowed to talk about is often the most exciting kind of stuff.) I'll let you in on it as soon as I'm able.

Also, in holy-whoa-sometimes-Lauren-reads-things-for-fun-that-aren't-comics news, I'm finally reading Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, and it's just ridiculously charming. If you ever thought that snarky 19th century British tea-party literature would be much improved by elements of urban fantasy, this book proves your whimsy to be absolutely correct.

restaurant: Prohibition

2009-12-03T19:35:00.001-05:00

It's Prohibition -- you've heard rumors. An underground pub. A hidden door, accessible only by entering a secret code in an inconspicuous phone booth. Inside, amidst the dark woods, rich leather, cozily low ceilings, and sepia-toned lighting, bartenders sharp in vests and ties serve cocktails to men smoking cigars at the bar and ladies lounging by the fireplace.

Okay, on East Andrews in 2009, it's schticky. The fireplace is electric, there's a flat-screen above the bar that's likely to be tuned to a basketball game, and UK-style phone booths, while not entirely exotic in the Brit-pub–loving Atlanta metro area, are not even vaguely inconspicuous. But honestly, it's no more artificial an atmosphere than any of the other bars in Buckhead or Midtown sport, and the quality of the cocktails is worth the kitsch.

Before I tell you more, full disclosure: A dear friend of mine, Darrell Autrey (seen here in full-speed-mixing mode), was hired on as one of Prohibition's bartenders, so A) I'm probably biased, and B) I went on the very first night that the place saw customers, so the staff was still gaining their pub-legs. A few things could've gone better, but the drinks were spot-on.

Among the five people in my party (which I mention as so to look less like a complete lush), we sampled their:

Ramos Fizz, which is their take on a silver gin fizz: A light, creamy, refreshing gin & lemon juice & egg white cocktail made with an additional hit of tart raspberry liquor. Don't be afraid of the egg, or the gin. This drink has converted everyone who's tried it on both accounts.

Fancy Tequila Cocktail: Made with Lunazul tequila and fresh-squeezed citrus juices, this, out of everything we tried, was the drink that made me grin involuntarily upon tasting. It's everything good and pure about margaritas.

Aviation: Gin + maraschino liquor + lemon juice + crème de violette = a juicy SweetTart. Try this if you'd usually order a Cosmo.

Dark & Stormy: They make this popular rum & ginger drink with a kick-yo-mamma-strength ginger beer, rum that adds just enough sweetness, and a squeeze of lime. It's simultaneously spicy & soothing.

A new thing that is possibly being called a Ten-Penny Piece: Drambuie, gin, a twist of lemon, and a bit of orange peel that's briefly introduced to fire on its way to your glass. Refreshing, herbal, and slightly sweet, this drink is everything I love about the retro craft-cocktail trend: it's yummy art.

Tom Collins, with muddled mint: The addition of mint makes this version taste even less like alcohol than usual. Like dangerous soda pop.

Mount Zoom: Aviation gin, cream, honey, and a dusting of nutmeg, which all together taste like a bright, snowy Christmas day. (No really.)

A Cooley Sinister Proposal: amaretto and orange peel tempered by slightly bitter Cynar (artichoke & herb liquor), forming a sweet-but-not-too-sweet nightcap of a cocktail.

The food showed promise but a less complete delivery. Three sample dishes were being passed around:

Lamb chops on the bone over a mushroom risotto: The heaviest of the three, and the most in need of work. The lamb, while perfectly (i.e., rarely) cooked was a bit greasy, and the risotto was salty and somewhat crunchy. With slight tweaking, it'll be every bit as warm and stick-to-your-ribs as it's intended.

Thin slices of smoked duck breast piled against a salad of arugula and roasted corn with a creamy dressing (blue cheese, I think): The lightest and most balanced dish. The smoke treatment took most of the gaminess out of the duck and left it wonderfully tender, and the salad's play of sharp, bitter greens against sweet corn and mellow dairy simply worked.

Crisped prosciutto wrapped around melty cheese (mozzarella, maybe), plated with a yellow heirloom tomato salad: This dish was the most craveable. Though a few of the tomato slices I got were mealy, most were good and bright-flavored. Dressed casually with a sprinkle of fresh herbs and perhaps a tiny bit of vinegar, they melded with the oil from the prosciutto on the plate. And the crispy prosciutto/cheese rolls were pornographically delicious, a combination of salty, crispy, fatty, and chewy that makes for the perfect indulgent drankin' snack.

They have an extensive cigar list that I can't speak to because I don't smoke -- if anyone who's been has any comments about it, let us (my readers & I, not the royal we) know!

The atmosphere was thematic and cozy, mostly. The music was jazzy and at that elusive audible-but-nonintrusive volume. The lighting was moody but not too dim to read the wood-bound, clear & cleverly written menus. The chairs at the bar were wide and comfortable, if a little low-sitting. My only gripe concerns that flat-screen TV over the bar -- it's distracting and (I am seriously saying this about a pub) anachronistic at best, and tacky at worst. I understand that sports are important to people, but it injures my delicate aesthetic sensibilities to see a classily-over-the-top theme smashed by such a direct reminder that it's all just play-pretend.

Overall, Prohibition isn't a place I'm going to call home -- like most of Buckhead, it's a wee bit outside of my nerd/hipster comfort zone and price range, and I'm sorta-definitely That ~~Guy~~ Lady about smoking in bars. (I'll put up with it occasionally, but I don't like it. Cigars are at least atmospheric, to a certain extent and in a themed place like Prohibition, but I can't abide that kind of pollution on a frequent basis, especially if I'm trying to treat my palate.) But for the kitsch factor, the cocktails, and to check out the evolution of the menu, I'll certainly be visiting again.

If you want in, I'd keep an eye on their website and Facebook page (dudes, I know). Or drop me a note, and I'll see what I can do.