consumerism wow: SHIRTCORE

Maynard Tee, from kidrobot x Frank Kozik. And, okay, I take issue with the yuppie-punk popart trend manifested in brands like kidrobot and artists like Kozik. On the one reverse-French–manicured hand, I like a lot of the sensibilities involved: bold graphics and colors, DIY encouragement, and subversions of classic styles and the ultra-cute media we children of the 80's grew up with. On the other, exactly how subversive is a $140 limited-edition hoodie with built-in iPod pocket & headphone loop? I'm glad that this kind of art is getting airplay and that these kinds of artists are making money, but it's the collectible equivalent of being served a Peep riddled with solid gold buckshot -- tasty and luxurious, but you've gotta ask yourself why. But hey, shirt! This is a shirt for people who are HARDCORE. It has a BULLET. That bullet is SMORKIN'. Men's sizes only (why you gots to be like that, kidrobot?). Printed with shiny foil! Shirt is $50 and ships via UPS (though if you buy another $5.01-worth of stuff, shipping is free).


High Five, by Chris Hastings, who, yes, still does The Adventures of Dr. McNinja. [I didn't realize that I was repeating one of my previously featured shirt creators until after I wrote most of this. It is not my fault that all of his shirts are awesome!] I have unintentionally made this set HARDCORE-themed. This theme will perhaps not be apparent to you if you have never seen Jaws, Discovery Channel's Shark Week, or King Kong, or if you haven't read Michael Crichton's Congo [the movie version is dead to me, Bruce Campbell or no], or if you never learned that once an action sequence starts, everything has the potential -- nay, the responsibility -- to suddenly and violently explode, preferably with guitars wailin' in the background. Family Guy knows what I'm talkin' 'bout. Men's sizes come in a choice of blue or cardinal for $18, and women's in blue only for $20. Ships via your choice of USPS or UPS.


Petra Ad Infinitum, by Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins, aka Gabe & Tycho, of Penny Arcade. Okay, this one is about a different kind of hardcore: hardcore rocking. It's about rocking forever, in fact, if the bad Latin inscription is to be believed. It's about seeing a million faces, and rocking all of them. (Dudes, that's a lot of faces.) This t-shirt is not-so-secretly talking about Rock Band, which is pretty much the best video game ever because it encourages your friends to get drunk, wail on pretend instruments, and sing along with the music they listened to when they were 13. (I'm sure that some people would use this same argument to posit that Rock Band is the worst video game ever, but those people are not hardcore and therefore extraneous to this discussion.) Shirt is $17.99 and ships via your choice of USPS or UPS.


p.s. I used the verb "wail" twice in this post! Party on, Wayne!

p.p.s. I received my Love is Blind shirt in the mail last week, and will post pictures soon. The fit is odd but not unlikeable!

recipe: clementine cake

Over my blissfully long weekend, my roommate and I had a few friends over for analog games and I decided to try out the clementine cake recipe that smitten kitchen posted a couple weeks ago. It's the sort of recipe that's irresistible to me… whole citrus! Ground almonds! Addition to my gluten-free repertoire! Whole citrus!

It didn't come out edible in time for said friends to try it -- the suggested cooking time was pretty wide open, and I was using silicone bakeware for the first time ever, so it needed a bunch longer in the oven than I thought it would -- but it came out pretty well eventually!

It's dairy-free and gluten-free, and tastes really sharply of citrus, and is extra rad with chocolate ganache (which I've never tried to make dairy-free, but I'm certain is possible with nondairy cream and butter substitutes, as most high-cocoa chocolate contains no milk solids). Bitter is one of my favorite flavors (and emotions!), and when you do this cake +ganache, it has my new favorite trifecta O' bitter: citrus, almonds, and chocolate. The texture is really fluffy-light and creamy with a bit of grit from the almonds -- something more like a flourless torte or a cheesecake than a cakey cake texture.


Clementine Cake
Adapted from smitten kitchen, who adapted it from Nigella Lawson

INGREDIENTS

5 whole clementines (rinsed and stems removed, but that's it)
5 eggs
1 heaping teaspoon baking powder
2 1/3 cups almond meal or ground blanched almonds (250 grams, or 0.55 lb)
1 c. plus 2 tbsp white sugar (225 grams, or 0.5 lb)
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp rum, brandy, or bourbon (optional)

Optional ganache:
4 oz. semisweet chocolate (113 grams)
2 oz. heavy cream or coconut milk (4 tbsp, or 57 grams)


METHOD

Place your clementines in a pot, cover with water (enough so that they're floating an inch or so off the bottom), and heat to a boil. Turn the heat down to a steady, strong simmer and cook for 2 hours, stirring occasionally. (This will remove most of the bitterness from the fruit.) I used a lid with a steam escape, and liked the result… I never had to replenish the liquid, and the fruit unbitterified fairly well. If you don't have a steam escape lid, just crack the lid a bit? After the 2 hours, drain the clementines and allow to cool.

Now is a good time to measure out the rest of your ingredients.

Halve the clementines and remove any seeds, then blend (or chop) very fine. I opted for pretty much complete liquification in my blender.

Now is a good time to preheat your oven to 375, and butter a 9" round cake pan. If you're using a springform, line the buttered bottom with parchment paper and butter the paper. (For the strictly non-dairy cake, other methods of greasing would work fine.)

Beat your eggs (you want a good froth, but not stiff peaks -- ~3 minutes with an electric beater, or ~8 with a whisk). Whisk together the sugar, ground almonds, and baking powder, then gently mix that plus the clementine gunk into the eggs -- you want to preserve some of the foaminess.

Pour into your prepared pan, and bake for 35+ minutes or until a wooden skewer comes out clean. If you notice a lot of browning on top but the insides are still sticky around 30 minutes, cover with tinfoil and continue baking. (Using a silicone pan, set on a baking sheet for stability, I probably could've gone all the way to 50 minutes before it was done. Using a metal springform, it was ready around 37 minutes.) Allow to cool as completely as possible before removing from pan.


MAKIN' IT FANCY

To make ganache the real way, set your chocolate in a double-boiler over low heat. Separately, heat cream to nearly boiling (ie, steaming, and bubbling just a bit), and then pour hot cream over chocolate and stir until melted and smooth.

To make ganache the easy way, dump everything in a small bowl and microwave for maybe 15 seconds, and then stir until melted and smooth. (It won't temper correctly with the easy way, so it won't have quite the same texture or shine, but it'll still be yummy.) While the ganache is warm, pour evenly over the cake and spread with a spatula to coat the top and sides. Cover and refrigerate to set the chocolate.

awesomancy unleashed!

Readers, I have been remiss! I have treated your poorly, and I would like to apologize: I never told you that The Legend of the Burrito Blade, aka that webcomic I'm editing, launched on January 12th! Because we update every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, you have potentially missed out on 6 pages of comic, each of which provides you with 200% of your daily recommended value of awesomancy! Readers, I am truly sorry. Luckily for you and my sore conscience, the Internet is a place of frightening permanence, so you can start reading from the beginning of our tale and catch up with us whenever you like.

Today's comic is a particularly exciting splash page. We've now got two main characters and one main item in play! Also, cilantro! Also, a forum.

Another thing you might have missed: As part of our promotional run, I got turned into a cartoon. A cartoon with NEEDS. This was probably a short punt, as I am already more bendy and expressive than many citizens of Toon Town and do indeed enjoy dance numbers to a needful extent.

Should you find that you also have NEEDS -- and I'm talking about a need to keep up with the comic, I can't help you with the dancing thing -- you can subscribe to the Burrito Blade feed, or add the LiveJournal feed to your f-list. I cannot not recommend it!