while I was out

Ohai. This blog still exists.

My editing gig at How Stuff Works has been kicking my ass -- mostly all in ways that I love -- and between that, freelance editing, and general laziness, I haven't had much motivation to actually use this blog in the past, what, six months? I haven't even been writing on paper. It's seemed too much like work.

Which is really just an entirely lame point of view to embrace. Creation is work, but it's fabulous work. It's the kind of work that makes this whole silly Universe a worthwhile place to hang out in. So ohai, readers. Here are a few things that I've been working on while I was out:

Articles on sundry things, such as How Megalodon Worked, How a Supernova Works, and How Coffins Work among many others. I get to learn about new things every week and source bizarre images and do grammar every day and work with ridiculously intelligent people, and when it's not overwhelming it's the most fun I've had at a day job.

Christopher Buecheler's sequel to The Blood That Bonds, Blood Hunt. And bits from the third book in the trilogy, The Children of the Sun, which I am studiously not linking because all of the parts of the Internet that pertain to it involve spoilers for the first two books. I do recommend editing nonfiction by day and a vampire novel during your off hours, should you happen to have the editing skills and sense of masochism for it. It blends realities in ways that'll make you research historical details for the novel and expect exciting fight scenes in the nonfiction, and probably improve both ventures in the end.

Creative assistance and moral support for a couple of live-action role-playing games (LARPs) that some dear friends run in the Atlanta area, Legynds and Second Dawn. Which is partially unavoidable given that I'm dating one of the owners, and is partially self-prescribed therapy for my wacky anxiety. Which is another thing I recommend -- erm, the self-prescribed LARP therapy, not the anxiety. It's a relatively safe environment in which to experiment with social interaction and performance: Most everyone there will be just as awkward as you or at least sympathetic. And some of them will be dressed as orcs.

And this is not a thing I've been working on, but because I like posting pictures:



More stuff about things later -- but in fewer than six months this time, I promise.

so much editing it makes my face hurt

I got that job that I mentioned interviewing for in my last post! It is with HowStuffWorks, and it entails editing all the things. Which is brilliant, really -- I'd forgotten how much I missed editing full-time, and how fun a form of overwhelmed it is to face deadlines that overlap like verses sung in rounds while trying to learn several hundred nitpicky style rules.

Of course, I also started working on Blood Hunt, the sequel to The Blood That Bonds, for Chris Buecheler the week that I got the job, so I really have been editing all the things. Hence the lack of posts -- I've felt like my time hasn't really been my own lately, and I'm only going to get more intense about that over the next couple weeks while I finish my second run through the book.

In support, feel free to fax me British tea, European chocolate, and the good sense to not have three cups of mead at the Georgia Ren Fest and make large costume purchases based on the fabric texture of a bodice that may or may not be strictly appropriate for my body type.

Fax me the latter retroactively, if you would, so I'll have it in time for last weekend.

Or just take me to Doctor Bombay's Underwater Tea Party for high tea, because I am fueled almost entirely by sugar, caffeine, and eccentricity these days and they serve spreads like this:



Which is pretty much my own personal constructive insanity jackpot.

things my authors send me: headwear edition

Receiving a package in the mail always makes my day. Receiving physical proof of a friend's labor, determination, and talent makes pretty much the best day ever.



That's a 3-dimensional copy of The Blood That Bonds by Christopher Buecheler that I'm holding there, because it exists in 3 dimensions now. You may remember that this is a vampirical, romantical horror novel that I helped copy edit in the wayback. You can still download the entire book for free in a variety of formats, but if you're into books having mass, volume, and that particular papery/gluey/inky scent, you can get yourself a version with all of those qualities for $13.99 plus shipping from CreateSpace, Amazon, or direct from Christopher himself. It's really nicely printed, on thick, 6" by 9" pages, and my name is in it, so if my grandmother ever visits you you'll have a surefire way to impress her.



I also received a package recently from Adam P. Knave and Laszlo Xalieri, the contents of which were 100% more lobster themed than what Christopher sent:




Though, to be fair, the contents of either package make a perfectly fine hat.




And hey, happy Valentine's Day, friends! I less-than-three you.

i'm not at NYCC (sadface)

But if you're going to New York Comic Con, you should say hi to my friends there and have them sign some books I've edited!



Adam will be there with copies of both I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend and Stays Crunchy in Milk in Booth #349 in the small press area, between Bob Burden and Dr. McNinja. Yes.



Actually, you could stop by Bob Burden's booth while you're there and see if he's got any copies of the Flaming Carrot/Killer Robots crossover photocomics, which I worked on as well.



And if you're there with kids and/or think that bodily functions are kinda hilarious, you should visit Angela of Fierce Fun Toys, who might still be there today at the Laughing Ogre Comics booth (#3016) with copies of Norman PhartEphant: First New Day and bunch of adorable, apologetically rude plush toys.

steam-powered influenza, book projects, and employment

Oh my, I still have a blog. It didn't die while I was gone like my mint plant did.

I have been busy the past couple weeks with: going to DragonCon, having the flu, helping Adam Knave finish his new compilation of essays and fiction, getting a new job, quitting my old job, and blatantly ignoring this blog. Not necessarily in that order.

Details!

DragonCon: For those who've never been, it's basically Nerdi Gras in downtown Atlanta. Pop culture celebrities and fans attend, the latter dress up in elaborate costumes, and everyone dranks and giggles. The big trend o' the year was steampunk everything, and nothing quite working out how I wanted it to with the exception of some excellent peanut butter sandwiches. I have no pictures! Except of how someone modded the elevator buttons in the Marriott Marquis:



The flu: Is lame.

Adam's new book: I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend is a compilation of essays and fiction -- some from the Intarwebs and some written fresh for this publication -- that, like DragonCon, is all about the pop culture of our lives. But it's a lot more hygienic than DragonCon, and there are no German ladies named Ilka in it who will try to sell you corsets. This is what the cover will look like:



New job: Despite my dropping the f-bomb within the first 3 seconds of my first interview, these nice people hired me on to be a Writer/Strategist for their content team, which basically means that I'll be writing some blog copy, wrangling some freelancers, helping companies that don't know how to Internet Internet better, and, um, doin' some other stuff. It's a shiny-new position, so none of us are entirely sure what it'll entail aside from my generally making myself useful in a geeky way. Which is pretty much what I live to do, so, yay!

Old job: I've been editing rheumatology manuscripts for the past 4 years and I'm really not going to miss that part at all, but I will miss my coworkers. If you're one of them, you should comment/email and let me know how we can keep in touch! (And no, they're not letting me keep the lobster suit. NOT THAT I'VE ASKED.)

Blog: Holy whoa I just wrote some words and will now upload them. And I anticipate repeating the process in the near future! I bet it's what you never expected, which is, apparently, how the upstanding fellows in this video feel about being On A Blimp.

Popgun, Fierce Fun, and Twithulhu

Hey, so congratulations to D. J. Kirkbride, Adam P. Knave, and lots of other people who I'm not friends with (yet?!) who worked on Image comics' Popgun Volume 3 for winning a freakin' Eisner award this past weekend. (All I did this weekend was throw a party, discover what's potentially a watermelon plant growing in the middle of the front lawn, and fail at making creme caramel. I feel relatively unproductive.) This is what the cover of Popgun Volume 3 (with art by Tara McPherson) looks like:



And this is what a link to a place where you can purchase it looks like:

Holy whoa, a link!


I've been busy these past couple weeks working with Adam on his upcoming book, I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend, which'll be a compilation of essays and short fiction. And on a few different projects with Fierce Fun Toys, which is growing and learning and sneezing and hiccuping and, yes, still occasionally farting.


Oh, and Adam & I did another episode of Consumerism WOW, hosted on his blog this month:

Thing #2


Lauren: I… I don’t want any of the Elder Gods using Twitter. It’s bad enough as it is! I mean. ReTweets and pronfollows and foursquare are enough to drive anyone mad already. Are you one of Twithulhu’s cultists? Is that why you want this shirt? Fess up.

Adam: Cultist is such a strong word. We prefer “Empire-Building Joy Minion” these days. Besides when Twithulhu comes and devours the souls of everyone on twitter who will notice?


Click through to Adam's blog to see the rest! [The Twithulhu shirt is a special edition that might disappear forever at the end of July, so order one now if you like it! And order this one in medium if you're getting one for me. (Merely a suggestion!)]

consumerism WOW: instructions and illusions

Somehow, Adam P. Knave and I BOTH found time to look at things available for purchase on the Internet! And then discuss the things we looked at and kinda insult each other! (Don't worry, kids -- we're just foolin'.) For the record, these are all things that I sorta totally want. And after Adam guesses why I want them, I'll explain to you why he's never been wronger.

A note of warning: This edition of Consumerism WOW includes items with vulgar words written on them! If you're offended by that sort of thing, you might want to consider an alternative news & entertainment source than a) my blog specifically right now and b) the Internet probably all the time.


Thing #1


Adam: When Lauren wants to get her drank on, that kid don't play! See what I did there? Yeah you do. You want this shirt just so you can be as clear as humanly possible. When it's time for you to drink, don't bring you no problems.

Lauren: Drankin’ is serious business when you’re me! I only have a tequila and a half worth of booze to avail myself of during any given “booze time” before I’ll start giggling and having to lean on things and otherwise being useless. I cannot afford to be careless when booze time begins, as the general public should be made aware.



Thing #2


Adam: Why do you keep trying to convince people the cake is a lie, Lauren? Why? The cake is real. I was told so myself. Why must you help spread lies? Don't you trust GLaDOS? DON'T YOU?

Lauren: I tend to be SLIGHTLY less trustful of people who try to set me on fire. You should know that and also stop trying to fax me lit matches.



Thing #3


Adam: Sometimes after you get your drink on you wake up confused, and yet hungry. So you want this to remind you how to cook meat - the Ellis Way. Perhaps you should have less to drink and more cake?

Lauren: My wacky hypoglycemia pretty much means that cake DOES make me drunk. (Except cake that’s a lie. That cake is okay for even hypoglycemics to eat.) So your plan would still lead to me waking up hungry & desiring instructions on how to fix said hunger. Except I’d never cook steak that way, even impressionably hung over from booze/cake, ‘cause I like steak rare. I think I want this so that I can hang it on the wall and then when people bug me while I’m baking I can point to it emphatically, and they’ll wander off and read it and maybe their heads will explode a little, and I’ll be left to bake in peace.



Thing #4


Adam: You secretly love the Tick and Arthur and hope that's what everyone thinks of when they see this. It's all good, We all love Arthur, Lauren.

Lauren: I. Oh holy spoon that TOTALLY looks like Arthur’s head! No wonder Rapture was so weird, it was full of The Tick cosplayers! But no really, I just think merch that isn’t also an overt advertisement is ultra classy.



Thing #5


Adam: See? CAKE! Totally not a lie! Asparagus cake though may not be recommended. Why would you try to eat asparagus cake, Lauren? Do you need to remember how to cook again?

Lauren: No no, this is another clear example of the cake being a lie. Asparagus cake is not cake. The Cake is actively lying to me. I’m trying to start a t-shirt collection with a theme. (They’ve never tried to set me on fire though, which gives them one up on SOME murderous robots and authors I know.)



Thing #6


Adam: Does this shirt admit that Mario is a little commie? I mean... does it? Is that what you're trying to say? That you think Nintendo is a commie hive of scum and villainy? Are you secretly working for GLaDOS after all?

Lauren: I just think it’s important for Miyamoto-san to be recognized as the invincible revolutionary that he is! I haven’t asked about Mario’s political leanings. Also, if I don't trust GLaDOS to not set me on fire, I definitely don't trust her to get me my paychecks on time. ALSO, I like communists! Haven’t we previously determined that you’re a communist?



Thing #7


Adam: You like to confuse people, don't you? People who stare at your chest. You want them confused. So that you can brain 'em but good. We all see through your plan.

Lauren: There is no part about your statement that isn’t true. I’m glad everyone’s cottoned on to it, though! It’s more of a challenge to brain people when they’re prepared for it, and I enjoy challenges that involve braining.



Thing #8


Adam: So let's recap. You had too much to drink. You forgot how to cook and think cake is a lie. Then you ask Warren Ellis "How do I make meat edible?" and yet you still long for something and it isn't asparagus cake. So you need to go next door, say, and deal with shit. Take shit into your own hands. But... again with the too much to drink and what order and oh, look, a handy map. You like t-shirts and such that tell you how to do things. You like them a little TOO much.

Lauren: How can a person like wearable instructions too much?? They’re helpful reminders AND excellent ways to not be naked in public, BOTH. I like being knowledgeable and clothed even more than I like communists.



Thing #9


Adam: Bad. Ass. Editing. Poster. I got nothing but love and respect for that.

Lauren: ^____^ I want to hang this in my office so that I can be the badass envy of all the other copy editors.



Thing #10


Adam: Wait, what? No. Why do you want a panda case that looks like a penis? Penis panda holds your eye makeup? And pens? What? No. Just... no. Explain yourself, Lauren! And do not blame the drink!

Lauren: Can I blame Warren Ellis’s meat, then? No? hrm. I think I’ll blame YOU for introducing the idea that sometimes Tarepanda totally does look like a penis. The panda and I were innocent before we met you, Adam. Are all communists so Freudian all the time?


And then Adam wandered away to go find images of genitalia hidden in everyday objects, and I took a lot of vitamin C and hoped really really hard that I was NOT in fact getting a cold on the day of my birthday party, which also happened to be the day before I flew to Virginia for my cousin's wedding. Happy consuming, folks!

Finch & Knave, live on stage 5-14-10

ATTN: People of Atlanta:

If you've been wondering whether this Adam P. Knave cat who I keep talking about working with actually exists in three full dimensions, here's your opportunity to find out! In an exclusive, one-night-only engagement, Mr. Knave will be performing readings of his works and other verbal shenanigans on stage at Java Monkey, the independently owned café and beer bar nestled snug against the social spine of Decatur. He'll be accompanied by one Juliana Finch, who will delight the assembly via her wit and vocal works, being armed only with her vim, verve, and an acoustic guitar.

These wonders, having been Christianed "Forgive Us Our Bus Passes", will begin at 8 o'clock in the evening of Friday, the 14th of May, in this year of minor miracles, 2010! The show is free and open to the public, limited only by the local capacity laws. Come one, come all!

alas, poor Burrito

Many of you who read Burrito Blade, the webcomic drawn by Renato Pastor that I've been editing for and sometimes co-writing with Adam P. Knave for the past year or so, have probably already heard the news: we're not going to be able to continue doing the comic anymore. It feels sad and strange for us to cut our readers off in the middle of a storyline, so we're working on getting the rest of the story out of Adam's head and onto a computer, and we should start posting those abridged storybits at BurritoBlade.com next week.

Working on BB has been an adventure for all of us -- it was the first epic, episodic, ongoing project that any of us had taken part in. I browse through the archives and can see all three of us growing, stretching, and growing again in loops of ever-increasing awesomancy. The story morphed along with us, and our own characters surprised us. I think that in some ways, Burrito Blade outgrew us. I wish I could hit the reset button and start the whole project over again with the experience and confidence that I've gained from working on it -- I feel like I could do it such better justice now.

There'll be new rad projects to bend those skills to, but I'll miss Burrito Blade. Here's sending all the soft tortilla-wrapped thanks in the world to Adam and Renato for having me on the project, with a spicy side of gratitude to Maria and D. J. for having our backs.

And hey, thank you, reader, for making room for our story in your life. I hope we'll be able to give you a new one to fill the gap we're leaving, and soon.

Norman PhartEphant, Young Augustine's, and the Best Things Ever

The 2010 Toy Fair opened this Sunday, and my fancy New York momma friend Angela is hypothetically there promoting her creation, Norman PhartEphant. Yes. A plush elephant that will make one of eight different farting noises each time you squeeze his tail.


He's a little bit embarrassed about it. (But it's not his fault! He's an African elephant that was adopted by a U.S. zoo, and the change in diet has lead to gastrointestinal difficulties.)

Angela's also writing a series of picture books about Norman, which I've been copy editing in exchange for dinners and purses. It's a good gig, and Norman's a toy that I highly recommend for anyone who likes soft, cuddly elephants and/or who has a sense of humor that frequently involves flatulence. Say hi to Angela for me if you happen to find her at the Fair! She'll probably be registered under the name of her company, Fierce Fun Toys.


Best restaurant news of the week is that chef Andy Gonzalez from Steinbeck's, aka Lauren's Favorite Restaurant in Atlanta That Is Very Very Small, is helping revamp The Standard space into what shall be known as Young Augustine's. They've started posting news snippets on Facebook, including an opening menu that sounds very much in the style of (though happily more extensive than) Steinbeck's: gastropubized comfort food from multiple cultural components of Atlanta's cuisine, including Southern, Mexican, Vietnamese, Korean, Chinese, and Indian concepts. I'm actually looking forward to driving all the way down there when it opens.


Also, a thing I've been anticipating ever since I graduated from UF's undergrad creative writing program has finally happened. No, That Prof isn't dead yet. That'd be rad, but this is radder: One of my writing workshop classmates has gotten a book of short fiction published, and it's getting the kind of reviews that make me feel like a total writing slacker. If it were anyone less talented or friendly than Justin D. Taylor, I might be upset. (While I was busy angsting about class deadlines and being a proportionally compact spaz, he was turning in consistently good work and inviting me to parties that I never attended 'cause, yeah, spaz.) I haven't read Everything Here Is the Best Thing Ever yet 'cause my copy's in the mail, so I can't recommend it personally or with extreme accuracy, but I suspect I'll be able to do so soon. In the meanwhile, you can read a story from the collection and form your own opinions.

the writing process as it relates to interdimensional kittens and moneyhats

One terrific thing about knowing Adam P. Knave is that sometimes, during the course of normal conversation, perhaps after discussing ReBoot but before anyone brings up the business you're actually supposed to be talking about, some word or phrase will Happen. And it'll Happen in the way that it expands with incredible speed and mass, Universe-style, until it's a whole idea. And you'll bat this huge idea-thing back and forth with Adam like the interdimensional kittens that both of you are, and then drop it suddenly and pervasively and get down to the business at hand.

But that idea-thing will still be floating around out there, and Adam's way of reminding you of its continued existence involves contacting people who can draw, asking them if they'd like to work on a new comic book involving the idea-thing, and getting those people to say "yes". So, though a bit mystified about what's happening to your life, you'll find yourself writing and editing bits of comic book script in your spare time, and then using those bits along with Adam's to form a complete script, and then emailing the script to whatever agreeable drawing person he's found. And then, following the artist's recovery from rickets as appropriate, you'll receive mere sketches -- simple layouts -- from that artist, based on the script that you and Adam wrote, that will make you all at once (A) unspeakably excited about this project-thing, as you began to think of it while you were writing the script, and (B) unalterably certain that you're unable to say anything about to anyone yet because, really, it's still just an idea-thing, even if it has the mass and size and brain it needs to convince you it's a project-thing.

So all you can do is write obtuse and roundabout things regarding the creative process on your blog, and hope that soon, sooner than soon, the wonderful drawing person will send you & Adam whole complete pages that you'll be able to submit to a publisher who will say, "How terrific! I was just hoping that I would receive a comic book just like this! Fred, wasn't I just hoping that? Oh, don’t mind Fred, his iguana ate his neighbor's cat this morning and he's very distraught, even though the cat was a mean-spirited creature and absolutely deserved what it got, and Fred's neighbor has gone on record with the Times saying that she was going to have the cat put down tomorrow for biting her so repeatedly. Fred's just sensitive. But yes! Your comic book! Thank you for submitting it. I'm going to publish it and we shall make such fabulous amounts of money that we shall all pay off our debts and have enough cash left over to fold up and wear as hats! And so we will be loved and celebrated for not only our artistic endeavors, but also for our extremely sharp and modern moneyhats."

I'll tell you when I get that call.

While you're waiting, breath held or otherwise, you should maybe go read some comics and things by Gabe and Tycho of Penny Arcade, without whom I might not have thought to write about moneyhats.

wordbits & editbobs

Just a quick bit of news about Stays Crunchy, which is that book I edited for Adam P. Knave: Adam's publisher, Creative Guy, is running a contest to thank people for purchasing the book! Just take a picture of yourself, your cat, your photogenic friend, etc. holding a copy of Stays Crunchy in Milk, and post a link to it as a comment on this post of Adam's before December 18th. On the 18th, they'll randomly draw an entrant to win the complete series of Farscape on DVD. Because Farscape was awesome, and you are probably also awesome, and awesome things belong together. (If you haven't purchased a copy of the book yet, there should still be time to allow for shipping & handling! And it'd make a good gift for the 80's-pop-culture addict in your life. It's available on Amazon.)

In other edity news, I'm helping Adam and one D. J. Kirkbride with a particularly exciting comic pitch, which is particularly exciting because it involves pirates and other stuff that I'm not allowed to talk about. (Stuff I'm not allowed to talk about is often the most exciting kind of stuff.) I'll let you in on it as soon as I'm able.

Also, in holy-whoa-sometimes-Lauren-reads-things-for-fun-that-aren't-comics news, I'm finally reading Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, and it's just ridiculously charming. If you ever thought that snarky 19th century British tea-party literature would be much improved by elements of urban fantasy, this book proves your whimsy to be absolutely correct.

The Blood That Bonds

Back when I was just a wee little edit-monkey, fresh out of the English department of the University of Florida, I filled my free time (i.e., the time during which I wasn't glued to Monster.com, dancing at Market Street Pub's free-cover 80's night, or playing some serious Halo 1) with lots of odd editing jobs. I proofread a few novels, including both modern and historical Mormon-slanted romances, pro bono for a vanity press. I worked a couple grammatical kinks out of a comic book or two for my friends the Killer Robots, who were collaborating with (omfg) Bob Burden in a Flaming Carrot crossover at the time, in exchange for a few bucks, a few drinks, and a free ticket to Dragon*Con. But Christopher Buecheler was the first author who actually paid me to proof an actual novel.

It involved vampires and hookers and action and lurve, and I cared for it like it was my own strange little wordbaby. Christopher and I fell out of touch after I worked on the first part of the story -- he was still writing the second part, and we both became busy with our day jobs.

Flash forward 5 years -- past the stints I worked handling nutrition textbook manuscripts, proofreading gay male erotica written by and for women, editing a novel about cartoon cereal mascots, and copyediting all the rheumatology ever -- to about a month ago, which is when I received an e-mail out of the great #0000FF yonder from one Christopher Buecheler. He's launched that first book I worked on, The Blood That Bonds, online, and is currently offering it as a free download in a number of a formats, hoping to manifest the reader and maybe-hopefully-even publisher interest that the story deserves.

He's also convinced Garry Brown to do a lot of really gorgeous artwork for the story & characters.

The Blood That Bonds is an urban horror-ish title along the lines of the Christopher Pike and R. L. Stine novels I loved when I was in high school, and still indulge in via things like Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse series and Mike Carey's Felix Castor books -- it's supernatural, sexy, violent, and filled with equal parts shock value and earnest emotion. If you or a teenager you know thought you might've enjoyed Twilight if all the vampires hadn't had so much sand in their vaginas, you should give The Blood That Bonds a go. It contains 99% less vampiral vagina sand, guaranteed. And for the low, low price of zero American dollars, it's worth at least a download & taste test, right? Right.

Stays Crunchy in 3-D!

HEY so I guess I never mentioned it, but check out what I've got in three-dimensional, solid, opaque, paper & ink & binding-glue format?


HI I HELPED MAKE A BOOK AND HERE I AM HOLDING IT.

Smart Shoppers Secrets (a book blog with a funny name), who gave Stays Crunchy an excellent, thoughtful review, interviewed Mr. Knave about writing it. And asked him about me 'cause I have obnoxiously been making my editorial presence known, and he said nice things that you can read here.

Also, hey, if you're an independent book store -- well, congratulations on your sentience and ability to surf the Internet, I hope you're enjoying them as much as I'm enjoying mine. If you're an independent book store employee, manager, owner, other associate, or friend, hark! Adam has 10 copies of Stays Crunchy that he's giving away to independents to read and/or give away themselves and/or sell for retail price & keep the full profits, with the hope that they'll enjoy it and want to stock a few copies. 'Cause he likes independent book stores and wants his readers to support them. Just drop Adam an e-mail (adampknave @ gmail.com) or poke his blog.

Secret: If you're an independent book store person in the Atlanta area, e-mail me or leave a comment here, and I'll drop by your store with a copy of Stays Crunchy, like, today. Bonus points if you're in/near Decatur, but I'm enthusiastic about traveling short distances if you're enthusiastic about the book.

Stays Crunchy on Amazon!

So guys, I edited this book. You may have been told about it six billion times heard of it? It's called Stays Crunchy in Milk and it's about searching for lurved ones and friendship and mostly yourself, and it's officially an official, real book. I know this because Amazon.com knows this, and the link above proves it.

In honor of the book's premiere, the author, Adam P. Knave, interviewed me about being an editor -- why I do what I do, and how I got into the business. Click through to his blog to get all the edity dirt!

Stays Crunchy softcovers off the press!

Brief update: Adam & his publisher worked out the aforementioned printer problems, and the trade paperback run of Stays Crunchy is off the press! Adam's got the pre-order copies, and should be sending them out soon. He also sent me this photo:


HAY I KNOW THAT EDITMONKEY


The limited hardcover run should follow within the next week, and both should be available on Amazon.com and at select retail locations another week or so after that. You'll know when by the ludicrously high-pitched SQUEEEE noise coming in stereo from the general directions of NYC and Atlanta. Or, in case you're planning on buying earplugs, I'll just post about it.

last day for Stays Crunchy pre-orders!

Briefly, because other deadlines of my own loom:

Today is the last day EVER to pre-order Stays Crunchy in Milk, which is that book that I edited last year! Y'know, the one that's my first full-novel edity gig to ever be published legitimately and not by a vanity press. (It has an ISBN and everything!) It's also the book that I proofread basically last Friday, which I consider myself a grammatical rockstar for pulling off.

If you watched too many Saturday morning cartoons in the '80s and ALSO have a bit of angst about the kinds of paradigm shifts that brought you into (arguable) adulthood, then you are a person who should consider reading this book. You'd probably dig it.

Pre-orders are rad for you because the author will sign your copy, include an art print from the jacket/interior plate artist, and enter you to win a few prizes. Pre-orders are rad for us because the more we get, the less Adam will cry into his beard as he falls asleep each night.

Preorder choices!

Stays Crunchy in Milk (paperback) - US $16.95Stays Crunchy in Milk (paperback) - Canada $18.95Stays Crunchy in Milk (paperback) - UK $21.95Stays Crunchy in Milk Hardcover (anywhere) $49.95

Hey also, I was serious about my prize incentive for finding typos: If you email me about a funny-ha-ha typographical or grammatical error that you find in the book, I will totally buy you an awesome t-shirt. If I agree that it's funny. This is not an excuse for me to not buy anyone t-shirts, it's an excuse for me to judge your sense of humor have a good time poking fun at the fallibility of the writing & editing process. For example, "you left off the E in the word 'the'" is not funny. "Dude there shouldn't've been a comma there" is probably not funny but could be, depending on the exact placement of the errant comma. Writing "mutated pastel" instead of "muted pastel" is hilarious.

side effects may include cute

I think I've mentioned that I work as a copyeditor for a medical journal? Yes. So sometimes (mostly when I'm bored, which is mostly a lot) I read a lot of medical periodicals. It's a strange sort of self-educational roulette for the squeamish (ie, me). I think overall I'd prefer a job where I have a <50% chance of randomly tripping over a photograph of necrotizing tissue, but the whee-science stories are worth the risk of the totally gross ones.

Ph34r my stalwart dedication to technical medical language.

Things that make all those close-ups of advanced scleroderma worthwhile include the story I found in my Inbox this morning that I will now share with you. Folks, this is BREAKING MEDICAL NEWS:

RATS ARE ADORABLE WHEN THEY'RE BLUE
WTF IS IN FOOD DYE ANYWAY
FOOD DYE 'MAY EASE SPINAL INJURY'



I forgive you all your wrongs, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, and would totally ask you out if you weren't an inanimate object.

a different form of awesomancy

So, usually I'm an Editor. I capitalize that because I have no editor telling me that it's silly and I shouldn't, and 'cause I'm trying to make a point here, Dickinson-style. When I was a kid, I read My Teacher Is an Alien and The Hobbit and I decided that wanted to be a writer. I wrote daily, continually, from second grade through a year or two out of college -- daily diary enteries, (bad) poems, (worse) stories & scripts, essays, blog enteries, and etc. I was in journalism through middle & high school, and then, when I realized that I hate journalism, I took 8 creative writing workshops in my 4 years at the University of Florida. All of which taught me that I enjoy editing far more than I enjoy writing.

I still write! Obviously, hi. I've got this blog, a couple personal & private ones, a notebook in my bedside stand and another that always lives in my purse. But I in no way consider myself a Writer. When I talk with friends about this, they make noises about how ohnono I'm quite good at writing, I could do it if I wanted, I should [implied: gather up my balls and] try more/harder. And hey, maybe I should... there's still a tiny monkey of hope inside me who wants to run around with leather jackets and sunglasses and crazy hair, being a literary rockstar. But, kids, writing is hard. It requires ideas and self-esteem and follow-through, all of which are weak points of mine and none of which are gonna be strengthened without a lifetime-worth of mental workouts.

So, as I said, usually I'm an Editor. It's all the skill of writing, and all the payoff of seeing good work hit print, without all those parts that I'm still working on. And I love editing. My really good days are the ones where I get to edit medical articles for seven hours and then take breaks and go home to edit fiction or scripts. But I sometimes I practice at being a writer -- here, in my notebooks and personal blogs, and, for the next two weeks, on Burrito Blade. Adam & I switched roles for six pages to see whether our dance would still work with me leading, and although it was odd working in someone else's universe, I'm fairly proud of the result.

If you'd like to read from the beginning you can start here, or if you'd prefer, you can read the following summary for the lackadaisical and then go straight to my first page as the writer: A couple of gods are battling for the fate of humanity in NYC using food-based magic, and have dragged a couple of humans into the havoc. And a building just collapsed on our protagonists.


I hope you like the result, too! Huge thanks to Renato for turning my rambling narrations into such pretty pictures. And oh hey, to Adam for being just as rad an editbuddy as he is a writebuddy. Lemme know what you think?

Stays Crunchy in Milk

I've been waiting for weeks to get the go-ahead to announce this... Stays Crunchy in Milk has a pub date! Stays Crunchy in Milk is a novel that I edited for Adam P. Knave, aka That Dude Who's Writing That Webcomic About The Burrito-Powered Swords Which I Am Editing And Also Writing For A Little. And the pub date is August 19, 2009! Guys, that's in 97 days.

It's the first full novel I've edited that is actually being published by an actual publisher that isn't a vanity press and which has the potential to be Read By People and Garner Cred and Possibly Earn Itself A Few Bucks, and I'm really proud of it. I've gone through the novel 3+ times now with Adam – two runs for editing, and one for proofreading. And I still enjoy reading it. It's... it's like The Wizard of Oz for vaguely jaded 20- to 30-somethings who've watched too many Saturday morning cartoons. It's about friendship and self-discovery and love and failure and hope and how completely ridiculous 98% of the stuff we loved in the 1980s was, including but not limited to cartoon cereal mascots and My Little Ponies.

And dear god hope I haven't missed any ridiculously obvious typos. Or that if I have, that at least they're funny and not just gibberish. (I think my reigning favorite from Stays Crunchy is still "mutated pastel" instead of the intended "muted pastel". If we've left anything that unintentionally funny in the book, the first person to e-mail me about it wins a t-shirt.)

In addition to having a pub date, Stays Crunchy in Milk has a gorgeous cover and 6 interior art plates by BB artist Renato Pastor, a shiny limited-run hardcover edition, and is open for pre-orders, the purchase of which will enter you to win fabulous prizes. From the mouth of Knave:

"ALL PREORDERS will be entered in the contest. That’s all you have to do, preorder the book. And what could you get?

FIRST PRIZE: A special, one-of-a-kind print (full color) by Renato Pastor depicting YOU with the main characters of the novel. Printed on archival paper and framed for you.

SECOND PRIZE: A special, one-of-a-kind print (black and white) by Renato Pastor depicting YOU with the main characters of the novel. Printed on good archival paper.

THIRD PRIZE: Tuckerization of YOU into Volume Two of Legend of the Burrito Blade, likeness and first name. And I don’t mean just a one-off. I mean a top tier secondary character who is important to the plot.

ALL PREORDERS will also have their copies signed. They will also come with a separate art print by Renato Pastor. How nifty is that? Buy a book and get it signed and also get free art!"

So, I think you should pre-order a copy if it sounds like something you'll enjoy! The trade paperback is priced at $16.95 here in the States (it'll be $18.95US in Canada and $21.95US in the UK), and the hardcover (a signed & numbered edition of just 34 copies [the book is being released on Adam's 34th birthday, and holy shit best birthday present ever]) is priced at $49.95US for people anywhere.

I'm really just giddy about this whole thing. I hope that some of you will read it and love it as much as I do.

Preorder choices!

Stays Crunchy in Milk (paperback) - US $16.95Stays Crunchy in Milk (paperback) - Canada $18.95Stays Crunchy in Milk (paperback) - UK $21.95Stays Crunchy in Milk Hardcover (anywhere) $49.95